My kids 11 and 13yr boys dont want to spend time with me this summer. What do I do?
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My husband was relocated for work a year ago. My kids are boys and wanted to be with there BD and have increasing resentment toward my DH because of the move. We live on a lake and have a boat, a community pool and golf course. Most kids dream life! Our paranting plan gives me 8 weeks in the summer and the boys only want to come for 4 days a month because of there freinds at home. The BD is not helping to facilitate my parenting time and I dont know how hard I should force this. I dont want to have 8 weeks of misery this summer but I need to see them. Should I force the parenting plan or let the boys decide what they want to do?
No we tried counceling but
No we tried counceling but its so hard when I only have the weekends. I have told my ex that I will be picking them up this Thursday to follow our parenting plan and he is screaming at me that they wont be going with me. They have plans and I cant force the kids to get in the car with me. I know my kids love me and we have a decent relationship but moving has really messed this up. I dont want to drive 3 hours to pick them up to have a huge scene at his house. But I really dont want this to bit me in the but later. Thanks for the feedback.
Well, 13 and 11 are pretty
Well, 13 and 11 are pretty young ages for them to decide for themselves. I know you want to keep everyone happy, but they need to learn that they cannot always call the shots and have what they want. I'm an adult...and I don't call the shots. I still have people I have to answer to.
Force the CO. If you don't
Force the CO. If you don't you will lose them. You are the parent.
But, also, know they are almost teenagers and don't want to spend time with their parents. Part of the process. But, you have a right to time with them and if you waiver from the CO, now, you will never get them back.
I think I understand the jist
I think I understand the jist of your delimma. You want to be able to see your kids but at the same time you fear that "forcing them" will make them resent you. Am I correct in saying that?
Yes, they will probably be upset, but don't worry. You can validate their feelings and still make them come see you. Hear them out. Have them explain to you what it is they want and don't want. Sure they might miss their friends, but if they are real friends then these friends will still be there when they return. Maybe there is a possibility for these friends to come visit for a day or so?
Oh and at ages 11 and 13, boys tend to be "happy" where they are and don't want to move. Like Scubed said, they'll come around.
Yes, I dont want them to be
Yes, I dont want them to be mad that I am ruining there lives. But I appreciate all the feedback here. My ex was telling me that I was out of line to try to force them to come and told me to go get some outside opinions. I have forwarded all of these to him.
I will force it! Thank you. I love this sight.