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Mini Wife and BF Text Fight is Making me Puke!!

stepmonster_85's picture

This is my second post in this forum, the truth I never thought I would be writing so often. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I should be seriously worried.

BF and I went to his niece's birthday party on Sunday. SD15 was invited and she cancelled a day before. BF of course was devastated and started texting Little Princess incessantly asking her why she cancelled. She said she was going to see her brother (who's not talking to my BF at the moment) but in her messages I could see her usual nauseating oversweetness was missing.

Today I found these TXT messages:

SUNDAY NIGHT

BF: "How was your day with your borther?

SD15: "Ok, thank you."

MONDAY

BF: "If you don't want to answer it's OK, just wanted to let you know I'm very sad because you didn't go to the party with me, you said you were coming. I would like to know if I did something wrong or why are you acting like this. I only wanted to say this and if you don't want to answer it's Ok, I'll send your check tomorrow. AND I'M NOT MAD AT YOU OK"

SD15: "I hope we can talk on Sunday, but I'm ok, and I don't think you're as sad as you say because I already saw the pictures and you look very happy with Nancy, the one with the great body, since I'm too fat now I can see you had a great time with her. And don't worry I had fun with my brother."

(Nancy is my BF's 14 year old niece. Last time SD15 was here, we casually mentioned Nancy has a beautiful figure. SD15 is a chubby girl and BF always tells her to lose some weight)

BF: "I don't know what you're talking about, why do you do this to me? When I do something wrong I always apologize but now you're being unreasonable. I have been very good to you, and don't worry, I'll send your check tomorrow and if you don't want to see me don't worry, I won't be sad forever. I thought you were a mature girl. I hope you had a great time with your family." (BM and SS20)

SD15: "And what did you do to my brother? He didn't tell me anything but he was crying. What did you do to him?"

BF: "I will answer even though I don't have to because you're not my mother, but I didn't do anything. I told you everything that happened the last time I saw him."

SD15: "I can tell when my brother is lying, I love him and I know him. You know, whatever, I don't want to ruin your day, go on and have a great day. Bye"

BF: "Oh, so now I'm the bad guy and he's the victim? It really hurts that you say this, I always tell you everything, I trust you more than anyoone else and you say this. And if you want to block me from Whatsapp like your broher did it's Ok."

SD15: "I won't block you, why don't you block me?"

BF: "You better stop this and don't answer anything, I don't want to be rude and say something I might regret later."

SD15: "Ok, now you're going to act like I offended you and you'll do as you always do: Stop calling and visiting me. I have to go now, I wanted to talk to you but you always get mad, so bye."

BF: "Answer the phone you little brat, I'm calling you, answer the phone."

Ok, so this is the end of their conversation. I wanted to puke when I read this, it's as if they're a couple. SD15 jealous of another cousin and bitching to BF about this, this is just too much. Is this normal? What about everything else? This is just crazy, am I overreacting?

SugarSpice's picture

one sd and her father text each other several times a day, and she calls her father at least once a day. and she is getting married in the fall! pity her husband.

SugarSpice's picture

one sd and her father text each other several times a day, and she calls her father at least once a day. and she is getting married in the fall! pity her husband.

Gimlet's picture

I agree with Molly. WTF is this load of body shaming, passive aggressive bullsh1t?

F*ck your boyfriend for telling his daughter that she is chubby and needs to lose weight, and comparing her figure to his 14 year old niece. That's not only creepy as hell, it's damaging to his daughter.

Your boyfriend has the maturity level of a child. The 15 year old is more mature than he is. He's cajoling, manipulating, whining, deflecting, and gaslighting, as well as assigning inappropriate levels of "trust" to his own child and that's just in a few texts. I can't imagine the hell that this poor kid and her brother have been though with this personality disordered sack of crap.

If I saw these texts, I would kick my bf right in the teeth for being such a raging douche and then walk myself right out the door.

a better life's picture

While I do agree he has his own level of creepiness I do not think it is wrong for him to let his daughter know she should lose weight. (hopefully followed up with buying healthy foods, modeling healthy diet, encouraging physical activity as a family). The whole taboo against talking about excessive body weight, is adding to our huge kids and adults. Parents should be able to tell their kids to get enough sleep, lose weight if needed, brush their teeth, practice safe sex and any other things to encourage their well being. I know very not politically correct and I do agree this guy is a bit of a creeper.

Gimlet's picture

There is a difference between a healthy discussion of weight (all on board for that) and getting on his daughter because he doesn't like the way she looks, and commenting on his niece's figure. Based on the context of the other texts, it sounds more like body shaming and less like concern for her health.

"Chubby" can mean a variety of things, from in the healthy range but not as thin as someone would like, to a health issue.

I'm not against constructive comments, but I'm really not thinking this guy is having those.

After all, she's "not his mom" right?

I will take that part back if I'm wrong, but I stand by the fact that this guy is an immature douche.

stepmonster_85's picture

My BF is a douche and creepy but he did not compared his daughter's body with anyone else's. WE (he and I) were talking about how pretty Nancy is lately and SD15 happened to be there and listened to this conversation. The girl is overweight and pigs out, so it's necessary to tell her to lose weight if she doesn't want to be obese someday.

The problem here is this little witch is a complete narcissist and can't stand the fact that there are other girls that are pretty.

Gimlet's picture

So he's having constructive conversations with her around her health and how to achieve her goals?

I'll take my f*ck you back if he is, but I have my doubts.

Um, she's not the only narcissist in that conversation I would bet.

WalkOnBy's picture

He kind of sounds like a douche.

Check that, he definitely sounds like a douche.

Why is he trying to convince his child of anything? He sounds like my high school boyfriend did when I broke up with him.

This is ridiculous, you need to rethink this relationship.

Disneyfan's picture

That girl is not a mini wife.

This ass treats you the same awful way he treats his daughter. Maybe you are angry with her and calling her names because at 15 she has the strength to walk away from a toxic person that you lack. Perhaps you're jealous of her self-esteem and self respect.

The amount of money he spends on his children/family compared to you seems to be a huge issue for in your other posts. I find it interesting that he repeatedly use money in his texts to control his daughter. That kid never took the bait.

That speaks volumes about her maturity.

And yeah, the guy sounds like a creep. Why do you stay with him?

stepmonster_85's picture

BF and I have no money issues, he gives me everything and I work a lot too, so thankfully we have a good life together. My problem is she manipulates him and he thinks that with money he can fix everything.

Now, the girl is a mini-wife. She holds her father's hand as if he was her boyfriend. She wants to sit on his lap and likes to be on top of him all the time. This affection she shows not only bothers me but his whole family. Even my mother-in-law has said it's disgusting. She wants to do everything for him, even cook and things like that when she comes here, she asks him to sleep with her and to leave me alone in our room (he never did this though), she constantly talks about their "dates" and the time I wasn't around, she talks like a 4 year old when BF is around, she's awfully rude to me and I could go on and on telling you stories of how this girl is.

I think BF is a loser for depending on his daughter emotionally, but the girl is mad at her father because he had fun at a party, that's it. Is that fair? This girl is mad because he was with her cousin who happens to be pretty and she gets jealous because of this? The girl is a little witch, she has no right to bitch to her father about anything because he's devoted to her. And this is what makes me jealous, I'm jealous that my BF's happiness depends on this 15 year old girl.

BethAnne's picture

That is the problem. He is devoted to her, but not in a healthy parental way preparing a child for an independent adult life but a manipulate the situation to get the responses he wants out of her. You have to remember that he raised her and tolerated (I would say encouraged) her behavior. He is the problem and it does not sound like he is going to change so as a result neither will she.

notasm3's picture

My first name could be abbreviated to "Cat". My mother was by nature (not dieting) extremely thin. Could not get over 115 lbs to save her life (5'6" and not small boned).

My mother NEVER shamed me for weighing 130 lbs - I was NOT fat. But my horrid dad loved to refer to me as "Fat Cat".

Amcc13's picture

Yeh he is a creep trying to blackmail her into stuff. then when he doesn't get what he wants he becomes aggressive.
Those kids are better off without him.

Super creepy messages. Super creep of a man

Shaman29's picture

Why? Why are you with this jerk? Do you not see what he is?? If he's doing this to his own daughter, he has got to be doing it to you too.

There is a reason why his 20 year old son and 15 year old daughter avoid him. Read what HE wrote to her. He's a manipulator. And you're sucked up into his games and calling his daughter names.

You're either a very nice person, completely caught up in his manipulations. Or you're a horrible person, who enjoys his games.

If you're the former, do yourself a favor. Pack up your little GF bags and get the eff out of this relationship.

stepmonster_85's picture

His 20 year old doesn't want to see him because BF is sick of giving him money. He does not want to work and is not studying and BF said he won't give him money if he doesn't do something with his life. This is all his problem.

SD15 ALWAYS wants to see her daddy, always. Now she got mad because BF went to a party and when she saw the pics she realized her daddy had fun without her. This is her problem.

And I'm actually thinking in getting out of this relationship because I'm tired of this. BF can't be happy if SD15 is not talking to him, he is willing to do anything to keep this little brat happy and I'm sick of this.

Maxwell09's picture

If he's a narcissist, which I think we can all agree on, it makes perfect sense why he's so infatuated with his own creation :sick: :sick: :sick:

AllDoneStepping's picture

Another step, love your post. I think my ex husband and his mini wife teenage SON were a pair of girls. I was scared and had my guard up going into my new relationship but BF does it right and I am still amazed every day. He would never compromise the safety or well being of his kids for anyone or anything but he puts our relationship first...honestly still can't believe it. This makes me want to do MORE for the kiddos and spend MORE time with them and be a better parental figure for them.

sammigirl's picture

****THIS is what I tried to tell my DH; he just doesn't get it. I just ignore it all now and move forward.

Thumper's picture

ANOTHERSTEP2 omg,,,I have not laughed so hard this week until I read:

I miss real men and am so sick of the touchy-feeley, best friends with my children, let me tell you about how wounded I am from my ex-wife PANSIES I could just puke. Christ - if I wanted to be with a woman I would be a lesbian!!!!

THANK YOU anotherstep2, THANK YOU, the lesbian part landed me on the floor LOL

stepmonster_85's picture

Sally I love to see your comments, you're so funny and I definitely need to learn from you. Your'e the best really!

Maxwell09's picture

Why does the girl think her dad prefers the skinny girl instead of her? Why does he react normal to her accusation that he likes taking pictures more with Nancy than with her? This conversation sounds like it's between a pediphile and his child-victim who thinks she isn't his favorite anymore. Creepy isn't even the word for it.

That part aside, the rest of the conversation is both of them trying to manipulate the other into feeling guilty about something. The dad trying to make her feel guilty for spending time with her brother and ditching him; her trying to make him feel guilty about having any fun without her. I agree with the other poster who said it sounds like two teenagers who are sucked up into hormones so much that they can't let each other out of their sights because they're too jealous of what could happen without them.

Now if you want advice on how to help him "fix" his behavior you can either show him our responses OR encourage him to leave her alone. If she's as much as a narcissist as her father she will be begging for his attention again soon. And he will learn that he doesn't need to grovel for her love. I will say that if he doesn't see anything wrong with this sickening relationship he will never change which leaves me to suggestion number two: leave, a jaguar doesn't change his spots and this guy sounds like a child predator and a narcissist. Nothing you do, no other children you have are ever going to interrupt the relationship he has with this girl or fix things between you. Ditch him. Then he can date his daughter.

Rags's picture

Is your SD-15 the incestuous love child of your 12yo BF and the BM? Is BF's own mother actually SD-15's mother too? I can't believe that an actual adult participated in this crap. :O :jawdrop: :sick:

Get out of this toxic genepool mess NOW before you spawn with this idiot who appears to have had a daughter with his own mother. His daughter acts a whole lot older than your BF does.

LadyJ's picture

What the f&@k did I just read?
This is creepy on so many levels.
I find it disturbing that you can only focus on the SD and not see the sheer manipulation and creepery displayed by your SO.
Please listen to the other posters and see this for what it really is

twoviewpoints's picture

This is the girl you're jealous of??? The one DH wouldn't introduce you for four years?

I got nothing. Beee so I'll just zip it.

thinkthrice's picture

BF is a quintessential BFFer. NOT parent material. Chef's nephew was like this with his girls. Result?

1. teen pregnancy
2. heroin addict

ctnmom's picture

There is something grossly inappropriate going on between your boyfriend and his daughter.

Thumper's picture

Agree, not husband material and NOT father material either.

There are real men out there!!

Journey Perez's picture

Can we say.... "DYSFUNCTIONAL?" YIKES! I would have been disgusted and puked too after reading those texts.