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marriage on the rocks

janice's picture

Submitted by janice on Tue, 09/04/2007 - 7:02pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

hi, i found this site whilst searching for any advise i can get, so if anyone out there can help it would be much appreciated. I have been with my husband for 11 years now, the problem is his sons to his ex wife, they are 18 years old and 19 years old and they are so lazy and miserable all the time. they live with their mother but my husband has to go seek them every weekend for them to come to our home. When they are at my house all they do is sit around and make a mess, they do nothing. My husband works away from home and we only get one and half days together once a week and one of those my husband gets his kids so we dont have any time alone, I have one son to my ex husband and my son whom is 14 years old gets bullied by them, he wont stay in the house when they are here. I have tried to tell my husband what they are doing but he just says they are kids and kids do that, but it is upsetting me aswell as my son. and i dont recognise them as "kids" they are men as far as i am concerned. Am i wrong to ask my husband to stop seeking them and spend more time with me, I dont want them to stop coming but i would like a little more time with my husband. After all they only live 3 miles away and whats to stop them getting a bus over to our house or better sill getting jobs and a life. I hope someone can give me a bit of advise before my marriage breaks up.

Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Tue, 09/04/2007 - 7:48pm

They're family, so yeah, DH has to be able to see them. However, these are NOT children, they are ADULTS. You and your child have the right to be treated with respect in your home. The stepsons need to be told by their father that they are expected to assume the responsibility of picking up after themselves when they are in your home and must treat you and your child well. Since they are adults, there IS no visitation, as with younger children. They can come and go as they please. There's nothing wrong with dinner on Thursday, lunch on Friday, maybe a hour or two here and there. All adult children grow up and leave the nest. I don't spend my weekends with my parents!

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

OldTimer's picture

Submitted by OldTimer on Wed, 09/05/2007 - 2:13am

I see enough of my mother every two weeks! LOL...

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Nellie's picture

Submitted by Nellie on Fri, 09/07/2007 - 2:32pm

I wish this comment was true that Anne 8102 said: "All adult children grow up and leave the nest." Some are lazy and try to mooch forever. I have two kids (20&22) and two stepkids (21&23). The 20 and 21 year olds are away at college, only visit occasionally during school breaks or in summer, if that. The 22 year old is graduated from college and living on his own and working. The 23 year old still tries to live with us or his mom. He works only part time if he works at all. He has been living with Mom for 2 years and is planning to move back here. Yikes!

Anyway Anne is right - visitation is not an issue here. 18 and 19 year olds should be either in college or moved out and working jobs. And when they visit either parent is not up to the parents or any visition schedule from when they were under 18.