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Lesbian SD teen

ryan_lucario's picture

Anyone here has experience with lesbian SDs?

Okay, discovered this last week. Most of the girls in her circle found partners to go on a cruise party in LA (apparently, it's discounted for couples and no, they don't necessarily have to be real couples) and well, she said she's not in the right mood. I was entirely okay with that but I phoned up her best friend and she narrated an incident which left me dumbstruck. I'm not going to make this a long post but it turns out she's lesbian. And, she hasn't opened it up to her mother and I still pretend to not know but it's possible the best friend might have confessed. I snooped in her search history which wasn't right but it appears she checks out sites with lesbian cams at night. Ahh, I have no issues with that but could she be addicted to porn? The best friend also mentioned that she started talking way less and went full introvert mode. From a step-father's point of view, I seek to restore her happiness. I'm busy with hectic work schedules and I think the best thing to do would be to arrange a counselling session with matchmakers from perhaps, a lesbian dating service provider like Bespoke.  What say?


MoominMama's picture

I'm sorry but I think you are interfering and it won't be appreciated. Her sexuality is none of your business. She will tell people when she is ready and she has to find her own way to do that. I'm sure you mean well but you are heading for trouble if you get involved in this way.

RST's picture

If she finds out about your conversation with her best friend this will come back to bite you and damage the relationship with the best friend who she may have otherwise confided in when she felt comfortable.  You clearly want to help your SD, just being there if she wants to talk to you about it will be enough, it's not about you finding answers for her.   

Jzell67's picture

Is this a joke.

none of your business. Stay out of it. Your calling the bestfriend?

umm no back off... Your sounding like a stalker.

Rags's picture

And no, I don't have history with a lesbian Skid.   But I do have history with a gay Skid.  My SS-25 came out to his mom and I when he was 20.  I had had suspicions since he was quite young. Noting overt, just an occasional "tell".

He dated some in HS, had two girlfriends from 8th -10th grade until we sent him to boarding school for his Jr and Sr year.  Though he had GFs his circle of friends, mostly female, were very vocal about how he had no sex drive. These young women were throwing themselves at him nearly as a wholesale buffet.  Nope. He was always the perfect gentleman with all of them.  Their parents all loved that kid and how he treated their daughters.

Due to some meddling by the SpermIdiot we brought him home from boarding school at mid year of his Sr year to do his last semester of HS at our local HS.

It was during his mad dash to complete his Sr year that he and I had an interface on the topic. It was over his surfing of gay porn. During that time he was only allowed to use his computer for school work (relates to the SpermIdiot's meddling). That included only having it in the office and being on it only with the door open.  I happened to have been up stairs when I noticed his bedroom door was closed when he was supposed to be working on his Sr project.  I tapped on the door and walked in to find him franticly slamming his laptop shut. 

I  sat down next to him on the bed and told him I didn't want to have a major incident over the situation so just open the computer and show me what he was doing. He gave me a heavy sigh and did just what I asked.  He had been on a gay porn site.  He was adamant that he had been surfing straight porn when the window had popped up right before I tapped and walked in.  I asked him if there was anything he wanted to discuss with his mom and I and assured him that we were there for him. 

I took a dad moment then and told  him what he was doing wasn't the point, the point was that he was not abiding by the current computer use stipulations of only for school work, only in the office, and only with the door open.

Then we continued the discussion on the porn surfing.

Nope, he had nothing he wanted to discuss but very directly asked me not to tell  his mom he was surfing porn.  Until that moment I never have kept anything from my bride. But... I honored  his request and never told her about the incident.  After all I was a young man once myself and there were plenty of things I would not have wanted my mom to know about. Angel

Meanwhile nearly 3 years later and halfway around the world he called us just before Christmas.  It was our usual weekly call.  We were on Expat assignment and he was in the US at his base.  The call had a strange vibe and it was obvious that he was beating around the bush about something.  My wife kept tugging on my sleeve and mouthing the words "What is going on?" to me. I had figured it out a few minutes before and mouthed back the words "He is gay." She gave me the nope look and shook  her head at just about the time he said "Mom and dad.... I am gay".  One of those points where being right is not always the easy thing to be.

My wife was stunned. She had no clue.  As I said earlier, I had suspected for many years and yes, I had the advantage of the gay porn surfing event from 3 years before.  It took a few days for my wife to process her feelings over the pronouncement.  At that time her big sticking point was "I will never be a grandmother."  She was only in her mid 30s at the time so I found that to be a peculiar reaction.

I was actually relieved when he told us.  I had concerns that he would struggle to have meaningful SO relationships in his life because he seemed almost numb to the idea of a relationship.  In my  heart I felt that this would allow him to have the amazing experience of the joy of a relationship similar to what  his mom and I share and the one my parents share and the one his uncle and aunt share (my brother and his wife).

It was quiet for a number of seconds and he asked "Mom? Dad? are you alright? Are  you mad at me?"  I responded that of course I/we was/were not mad at him and in fact that I was relieved. I explained why I was relieved (the opportunity to have his version of what his mom and I share). 

This is when the little turd threw me under the bus. *shok*  He said "You guys had to know already. After all dad caught me surfing gay porn."  I cringed and thanked  him for throwing me under the bus and reminded  him that he had asked me not to discuss it with his mom and I had honored that request. Then he backed up the bus and took another run at me.  "But dad, you tell mom everything."  *dash1*  My wife expressed her total absence of a clue and our son told her "But mom, the moms always know. How come dad figured it out a long time ago and you and I didn't?." The little shit ran my ass over again with that bus.

I went on to tell him that my only concern is that life can be difficult enough and this would throw another difficulty into his, that some people might not take well to his being gay, and that I wanted him to always use his head, be observant of his surroundings and those around him, and to be safe but to life his life to the fullest. 

Since then he has shared his struggles while in HS, his epiphany moment when he had been on spring break and in a hotel with his female BFF/love crush and realized that he loved her to death but there was nothing there from a physical attraction perspective and there never had been with any woman, and his struggles to work through the thoughts and feelings he was struggling with while in his teens and into  his early 20s. 

Our one regret is that we could not be there to help him work through it all when he was struggling while his peers were learning how to date, have relationships, etc, etc, etc.... He is 25 and is still playing catch up in his relationship maturity level.  He is on par with what I would estimate to be about a 17-18yo's level of relationship experience and maturity.

But... he is getting there.

He is a truly good and honorable young man of character and his mom and I are infinitely proud of the man and person that he is.

His mom and I are also blessed to have a BFF couple who are gay. Truly good men, high performing professionals, dedicated husbands to each other, great father's to their two adopted (at risk and questioning) sons, and people we are both proud to have as friends.  They are our SME consultants on how to parent a gay young man.


As I indicated in the subject line, this is your SD's story to write. Just as our son's story is his to write.  I would suggest that  you have a quiet and private 1:1 with your SD, express your support, tell her what you think you know, that you and her mom have her back if she ever wants to talk about it, and then just be there for her.  She may not be ready to admit it or discuss it much less come completely out.  But having the talk likely won't hurt either of you IMHO and may help you both quite a bit.

Just warn her not to throw you under the bus later because you will keep your discussion in confidence.

And this is my element of my son's story.

Aniki's picture to stay OUT of her business.

Maybe she's curious.
Maybe she's bi.
Maybe she's undecided.

Regardless, it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. IF she has questions or wants to talk to someone, she will do it in her own time and NOT when someone forces the issue. That could cause her to become more withdrawn. Leave her alone.

marblefawn's picture

If I understand you correctly, you're admitting to "snooping" in your SD's sexual life.

That's frighteningly creepy.

Maybe she is withdrawn because she's knows what you're up to, she's freaked out and she's stuck living with you.

You need to seriously get back on your side of an appropriate boundary. If you're concerned about your SD's well being, talk to her mother and let her handle it. An unrelated male should not be stalking her via her computer and friends. It's disgusting.



ryan_lucario's picture

but anxiety was getting me to do all the odd things. I guess it's her life, her rules.

She's all grown up anyway. Thanks for the responses, guys. It really changed my flawed thought process.