I feel like I need help, ready to end relationship with my SS age 12
My story is quite long, not sure how to go about putting it short. I've been in my SS life since he was 6 months old. His mom passed away when he was 4 months old. I met his father online. We met April of 2000 and married June 2000, and had our first child together February 2001. It was very quick. We married because we were so in love and lived thousands of miles apart, if we married it would be much easier and faster to move to Canada to be with him, so that's what we did.
We seperated April of 2004, and I left my son with him, so he could stay with his brother. I didn't want to split them up. I see both boys every other weekend, but since having split from their father, I don't feel close to my SS at all anymore. He'll be 13 in 2 weeks, and his attitude really stinks.
I get along with my ex when he's single....he's now been in a relationship with a woman for 3 years I believe, and they've moved in together. But since moving in with her, he tells her everything, it's like he can't deal with stuff I say to him on his own, and I'll admit I'm not nice. I can't stand my ex, obvliously the reason I left him.
Saturday I told him I wished him dead....I can't stand him...my SS heard this and got really angry with me, he then continued to make sure my visit with him sucked all day. His dad called in the evening to see if everything had calmed down, it hadn't and my SS wanted to go home, so his dad and dads gf drove the 40 minutes to pick them up. I was so mad, because he ruined my visit with my son, and for my 5 year old son as well, he wanted to see his brothers.
Now my ex is threatening to bring my SS grandma into the story and tell her all the bad stuff I've done such as swearing in front of my kids. Yes, when I'm mad at their dad I swear. I know I know I should keep my mouth shut, but it is so hard when you hate someone so much.
Any advice? And if anyone would really like to help me through this and not be negative, would be greatly appreciated. Thank You,
canadiangirlie
Honestly, you kind of sound
Honestly, you kind of sound like the BM that most of us complain about. But don't worry I won't be negative and beat you down for that, it cannot be easy watching another woman raise your children, however. . . that is not the new woman's fault. If he is consulting her on issues with your son and problems with you, that is because they have a solid relationship and act as a unified partnership. When I am frustrated with something at work or my family, the first person I go to is my FDH. He is my rock, my sounding board, and many times he can calm me down and help me to see things in a different perspective.
I have never been a big fan of swearing in front of children and I can proudly say that I have never cursed at my FDH in an argument, never. . . not once. But that's just me. If he wants to tell Grandma about the arguments that you have had and things that you have said, that is his right. You cannot control someone else, only your own actions.
If you are that angry and filled with hate, the only people you are hurting is yourself and your child. That's the thing I wish all BM's would understand, when BM gets mad and yells at FDH or bitches to him about me, he blows her off. Yeah, he may be grumpy for a little while, but for the most part he gets over it and moves on. We even laugh about how stupid she is, but then we move one. We don't focus our lives on her and her petty need for control, and it drives her nuts. She uses her position as BM to try to control us, unfortunately, he is also a Biological Parent and he has gotten much better about reminding her of this.
But remember, children see more than we think they do and we should never, never fight in front of them or say anything negative about the other parent.
Honestly, if you can't get over the anger and hurt of your breakup, you might need to seek some professional counseling.
Yep - get a professional.
Yep - get a professional. You will be amazed at the insight a well trained counseler has. If you're not amazed in 2 or 3 sessions find another one. This will be the best money you've ever spent. Get help in directing your anger positively and how to deal with others anger.