How does disengaging supposed to work? 15yo future SS completely ignores me - ungrateful
I've been w/ my fiance for over 4yrs. His FT son has known me since that time but has NEVER made an attempt to get to know me/talk to me. Now, it's not like my fiance and his ex just broke up when I came along. He was born and immediately after they divorced. My fiance really didn't date much before me. There may have been 1 or 2 women in that 10yr span that briefly had contact with the boy. For the past few years I did try to be friends with the kid. I would cook homemade food he liked. I also helped my then BF by hemming/altering school uniforms since the mom is pretty non-existent. I'd try to strike up conversations only to be answered with one word answers. Last Christmas I bought the kid a Xmas present (gave to fiance to give to him) and my fiance told him several times to thank me. He never did. My mother wanted to make the boy an Easter basket and I said don't bother since he doesn't say thank you and he ignores my mother when she says hello to him. He's rude to say the least.
90+% of the time he is disrespectful to his father. He'll rarely do choirs. When asked he tells my fiance, "you do it". My fiance then says it's easier for him to just do it then fight with the kid. WTF!!
Recently my fiance said it would be great if I could cook/make X,X, and X for the kid since he likes it. Now I know it would take a certain burden off of him to have premade meals for the kid, but since the kid treats me like crap and is so unthankful, why should I?
Due to the kid being so rude to me I stopped saying hello/talking to the boy all together (he'd never say hello to me first) and when fiance mentions me cooking, I say oh yeah, that's fine, but I never actually cook. 
SO with a kid like this, how does this disengaging supposed to work?? I've told my fiance how he ignores me/rude to me and all he says is that it pains him. And says he'll talk to him, but apparently he never does or the kid doesn't care.
I don't get it. When we got engaged he told his grandmother he knew I made his father happy.
I've grown tired of being the
I've grown tired of being the adult in this case. It comes to a point that even at 15, you know when you're being rude, so F it.
For the past year or so, if the kid goes to his mothers for a full weekend (rare!) I cook nice meals for the two of us. I make a point to ONLY cook what I know my fiance will eat before the kid comes back so he doesn't have a chance at my yummy leftovers. I even fib to my fiance and say that chicken or beef shouldn't sit in the fridge longer than a day (he doesn't know cooked food shelf life).
I'm going to embrace the silence as you've said.
I'm even thinking perhaps the honey and I should take a couple long vaca's this summer just so the kid must spend that time at his mothers, so she can enjoy him.
My SS17 is the same. He told
My SS17 is the same. He told me that what I do around the house is no big deal since it's not a paying job. He told his dad 'f you' the other day. He is so disrespectful and rude to both me and his father, and he had almost all his privileges taken away but he acts as if he doesn't care, he just makes his own dinner etc. I completely ignore him and vice versa. It's like having a roommate that you can't stand but you can't get rid of.
Now he doesn't do ANY chores at all since he thinks why should I, frankly I don't care because it means I don't have to be in the same room with him at the same time. If he pays no board and does no chores I have a better case to throw him out when he turns 18 as he is not contributing.
I hate living with him and this constant tension, I cope by visualising his room empty and the day we can throw him out (less than a year) and how my life will be so free and happy after that and I will never have to deal with bratty ungrateful children ever again.
Your comments are going to be
Your comments are going to be mine in 1.5yrs. I'm PRAYING (PRAYING!!!) this kid goes off to college in a few years. I don't want to hear he wants to attend the local community college for a year or two. Hopefully the Univ of Alaska will take him. I just don't get this kid.
Yes, you have a version of my
Yes, you have a version of my two step children. It is difficult for me to not make an effort because I was brought up properly. My own good manners cause me to struggle with openly ignoring someone. I am so concerned adopt upcoming summer as they will be here for a good solid month plus. I to have been struggling with how this time will be handled.
Agree that you should not be doing extra things for this child.
I do the same thing with
I do the same thing with cooking, etc. My husband has custody of ss as well. he is rude, lazy, disrespectful, etc. I seriously rejoice of the (very few) days he goes to his mom's house. I wait until he is gone to bake (otherwise he seriously eats ALL of it if I leave it out.) I also don't cook nice meals unless he is gone, because again, he will eat it all. He playx xbox all day, has no chores and is flunking most of his classes.
I really tried for the last 4 years, but you know what? PISS ON IT! I would never be mean to him, but I gave up. I am just counting down the 3 years until he leaves the house.
All the same stuff with sd15.
All the same stuff with sd15.
I told DH the day she turns 18 I am treating her like an adult and I don't ever let adults treat me the way she does. He has so far supported me in that. Nobody will be surprised but her.
They don't change or move out
They don't change or move out when they turn 18. I get ignored, or when I say something and put SD19 in her place like a deer in the headlights, all I get is a snotty, stone-faced, "Mmmm-hmmm."
Unless DH changes,, then there is no hope of the Skid leaving. My SD just turned 19 and thank goodness she is going away to college in a week. I have been counting down from 100 days and now I'm down to 8! I had my first major blow up with DH yesterday over her but I'll put that in another post. Now we just have SD13 to deal with at home. Ugh. Maybe in 5 YEARS I'll get some relief. Maybe.
~ Moon
This needs to be addressed
This needs to be addressed with daddy. Inform daddy that he fixes it or he and his spawn are on the curb. End of issue either way.