EXHAUSTED... WORRIED...
I am so tired. I didn't realize being a stepmom and loving a man with children would be so hard. I am in my late twenties and my husband is in his early forties. To start off, we live in the house he and his ex bought together... which happens to be next door to his ex MIL... his Ex lives with her mom NEXT DOOR. He is wanting to go back to court and get full custody of his 13 year old daughter. I think this is dumb considering the fact that we live next door to her mother. We are in the process of finding a new house and he may try after we move. I feel like crap because honestly, I don't want his daughter to live with us permantly. She already stays here every other week and even on her mother's weeks I am EXPECTED to pick her up and take her to school. It gets exhausting and I would really like sometime with just my children. I am not sure how to come out and talk to my husband about these issues. I know I am just venting but I seriously don't have anyone to talk to about this... If anyone has any advice it would be very much appriciated. I have even wanted to stay gone for as long as possible to avoid his daughter and ex wife as much as possible, but that is hard when I have a disabled son and a six year old daughter. This is my first time on this site. I hope someone has some advice. :?
I'm really trying hard to
I'm really trying hard to bite my tongue which is desperately trying to yell RUN RUN. Why is the world would a man who was not into his ex live two doors down? & next door to the exMIL to boot? I can't believe anyone would be such a masochist.
Honey, you need to have a talk about boundaries with you DH like now.
I know what you mean... I
I know what you mean... I talk to him about boundries and the fact that I don't want to be next door to his wife and he always plays this pitty party role... He will say stuff like, "You think I want to be here???" Well, we have been here for almost six years. He and his ex had lived here since 97. It is getting old fast. Don't get me wrong he is a great guy. He works 50-70hours a week to support us, but that leaves me picking up the slack that he nor his drug addicted ex will do. I am really getting tired and I am not sure how much I can handle. His thirteen year old is disrespectful, she picks on my children, she expects me to just drop everyting and do for her. His ex isn't any better. She is angry now because for the past four years I have been taking his girls to every Dr.'s appointment, every extracurricular activity they have. I finally told him I wasn't doing it any more and I AM DONE. Tomorrow I have to take my disabled son to Dallas for a Dr.'s visit, I told his ex I couldn't take his daughter to school or pick her up, she was very rude and said, "Whatever, I will just figure something out." I am really just sick of it all. I don't want to leave my husband but something has got to change. I know I am venting again........ but ugh!!!!!! This is crap...... I am not sure what to do I feel like I want to be with my husband but I don't want to be here... :?
You don't know how to come
You don't know how to come out and talk to your husband? Let me help...
You look straight at him and let him have it...no fear. This is YOUR life...YOUR home...take control of your life! Don't allow him to bully you or use emotional blackmail.
If he refuses to find a common ground, then you need to reevaluate this relationship because it won't get better.
I can be a very loud woman,
I can be a very loud woman, when I want something bad enough. It's not that I don't know how to say what I want, it's that I feel like he doesn't listen. I get responses like, "uh-huh." UGH, that just ticks me off. Then when I say, "You don't have anything to say?" He says things like, "I am not sure what to say because it may piss you off." UMMMMM... I am already pissed... That just makes it worse... So it isn't that I don't know how to tell him... it is I don't know how to get him to respond or fix it... If ANYTHING happens in this house it is because I bitch and holler, until it happens, or I have to do it my darn self... More than likely I do it...
It is so frustrating... I just feel like he doesn't get me... He doesn't get my needs... I wish I knew how to get him to understand, because apparently just saying it doesn't work...
You take her to school every
You take her to school every day? What does her mother do? Time to sit down, look at your list and prioritize. You've been way too accommodating and they're taking advantage of you. Could me time for a come to Jesus meeting with your DH--everyone is comfortable but YOU.
double
double
Yep, EVERYday... There mother
Yep, EVERYday... There mother doesn't do anything. She gets rides from my SD18 or the ex-MIL whenever she needs anything. She is a bum who doesn't work, doesn't live in her own house, and is waiting on her BF to get out of prison so she can get married... Yeah it is a bunch of crap... When I met my husband I told him I didn't like drama... now... well my life is full of it. I have been way too accommodating... My DH and I talked last night about things and he said pretty much nothing. Just that we need to get our loan papers filled for a new house and continue to pray. Yes, I understand that prayer is a great thing and really works, but you also have to act in order for things to happen... I AM READY TO ACT... I am trying to have patience but.... ugh... it is no virtue right now...
I told him everyone else is comfortable but me, and he said that he wasn't comfortable either... 
Its not your job to take that
Its not your job to take that girl to school. She has two parents-they can take her or she can try that big yellow thing called a bus. I wouldnt be taking her to dr's appts or anything else and cant believe you have all these years when her freaking mom is right next door. If she can get rides from exmil and sd18 to pick up her drugs or visit her man in prison I guess she can arrange rides to get her daughter places.
I hate it when people take advantage of others.
yep, I wish she would... my
yep, I wish she would... my SD13 shows up every morning before I can leave the house with my daughter and son... I ask her every morning why can't your mom take you to school and every morning she says it is either because she over slept and her sister left her or that the SD18 is being a jerk and won't take her... I don't want to be the evil step mom and be like "Oh darn, too bad, I can't take you", but I feel like I have no other option then to take her because if she misses school than my DH and I have to pay a fine for her missing... it is a catch 22... I am not sure how to handle any of it... I really feel like it isn't my job to have to say something, they aren't my kids, she isn't my ex... I shouldn't have to deal with it. My ex signed his rights away and my husband adopted my 2 kids, so we don't have to deal with mine, I shouldn't have to deal with his either! Isn't that between him and her???????? I am tired of playing the middle person. I feel like he thinks I just get over emotional... Because he always says he doesn't know what to say when I get like this... but the point is, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GET LIKE THIS...