can't stand SD16
I seriously hate my SD16 right now. I've had to watch for years as everybody caters to her, never correcting her or showing her there's consequences for bad behavior, never making her do chores.....so now finally she's turned into this little b*tch that can't take no for an answer, has this outrageous sense of self-entitlement, is sooo effen lazy around the house. my blood pressure just boils when i'm around her these days. i used to get along pretty good with her. now she has an effen attitude towards me and is giving me the silent treatment because i've corrected her when she's been in the wrong and have scolded her. now she's going around telling everybody i'm the mean one and just bad mouthing me. i also hate my MIL. and SD and MIL are thick as thieves recently and conspire against me. i'm just wondering if any of you have advice for how i can diffuse my nerves when she's around. this is my house and although my sweet, loving, awesome hubby empathizes with me and has tried to get SD to start treating me better, she just doesn't want to listen to him. i have already been so pissed i've just stayed in our bedroom. but right now just the sound of that little b*tch's voice makes my ears red and i get all shaky and pissed. i refuse to spend my life up in my bedroom because of some little brat....i do spend time downstairs with DH and SS. but it's so damn awkward and stressful when SD is there.
just wondering how you all cope with your Skids when they act mean and hateful and do the silent treatment. any advice will be helpful.
I can't help much, SD15 was
I can't help much, SD15 was so miserable with my rules, she now lives with BM and is out of our lives for the most part. I expected her to treat me and my house with respect when I moved in and it was more than she could handle. So now her sulky, disrespectful mouth is not my problem. At least not until the next time she needs something. We are going on one year with limited contact beyond Facebook...Drama free is awesome....
Just set down some rules that she can't stand and maybe misery will make her move to MIL's, if BM is not an option. I think teenage girls are beyond evil if they have never been taught how to respect others.
Only way to diffuse your nerves, is to avoid her at all costs. Also, don't allow the disrespect, every single time it happens. If she is going to tell everyone you are mean, you might as well be. It may make her go away....Hate to be negative, but this was my life for a time, before I got firm and stopped taking her crap. I hate watching SD's make other SM's miserable.
I'm having a similar problem
I'm having a similar problem with my SD's. The one is 18 and she has to get her way all the time. Well I told her to stop yelling in the house in front of her 2 baby half brothers and she said it was her house. So I said it was more my house than hers so she left. Thank goodness and hasn't been back. Now the 16 year old is a nasty disrespectful thing. She physically attacked her dad because he wouldn't let her stay home from school. She calls me names and now my problem is that I don't want her around my 2 babies. One is 2 and one is 1. My husband is so blinded and doesn't think its fair that I don't let her around the babies but I can't have her influencing them or hurting them. I quit my job just so I could keep her away. Unfortunately we have custody but I have 2 mor years and she is out. I don't know if I can live w her for 2 more years. All I want is to keep her away from my babies. But I know my husband won't.
my MIL is an OTR truck driver
my MIL is an OTR truck driver who teams with her husband. my house and MIL's houses are only 200 yards from each other. they're only home 4 days a month. they keep saying they're going to retire. i wish they would cuz i know she'd go over there in a heartbeat. i made a decision in the last few days to stop doing anything nice for SD. up until the last few months SD was living with BM, but she couldn't get along with BM either. i'm hoping too if i just turn mean, SD will go over to MIL when she retires or back to BM.
Mine leaves them on her desk
Mine leaves them on her desk chair (that she never uses). I used to ask her to throw them in the hamper. After her last little attitude towards me I don't ask for anything anymore, because I don't talk to her. If those towels pile up, well I have my 2 that I will wash and rewash. Everyone else can take care of themselves.
i don't know why, but the
i don't know why, but the towel thing was bothering me too with my SD. so now i just wash for me and DH and when her shit piles up, that's just too damn bad. i stopped caring.
Wait a minute I think you are
Wait a minute I think you are living with my SD15. I have the same issues especially with MIL kissing her ass and ignoring my DD10 and BD3. But SD lives with us and we have full custody!! Its so awful!! She has never heard the word NO in her entire life. She was recently half grounded for the first time and had no idea what that meant. She was still asking to go out. Of course DH let her so why would she understand at all. She thinks she is entitled to everything and is such a mean, lazy, greedy, selfish bitch that I really do not like her at all.
Sorry I have no advice but I totally understand. At this point I am still hiding in my room but one day I am gonna get the nerve to withstand the awkwardness and take back my house. DH is on my side and yells at me for not standing up to her but I hate confrontation and when we get into it its gets really awkward and weird and I am so afraid I am gonna say something really mean to her like how I really feel about her.
My MIL and SD conspire against me and blame me for everything. They say that I treat DD10 like a princess and poor SD gets nothing. Oh yeah right my ass! Its the other way around. MIL takes SD on secret shopping sprees and they lie about it. She has never taken DD or BD3 anywhere! I hate them both.
If you figure out a solution please let me know. I am going on 5 years of living with this kid and I am at my wits end with her.
@imjustthemaid holy cow!
@imjustthemaid
holy cow! your MIL sounds like mine. the only comfort i have is that my DH truly does listen to each side and he's not oblivious like a lot of sons are with their mothers. DH acknowledges that his daughter is in the wrong and that his mother is evil and tries to play CIA and likes to cause conflict. my other comfort is this forum. i am very thankful i found others who understand.
Yes my DH isn't too fond of
Yes my DH isn't too fond of his own mother or SD because of the bullshit they start! MIL is always saying poor SD and buying her crazy expensive things and sneaking to the mall and giving her money then ignores the other 2 kids like they don't exist. We spent over $800 on SD for xmas (yes crazy i know) and MIL said since she's the oldest we should have gotten her MORE! OMG! She is craaazzyyy!!
SD complains about me to MIL and how mean I am to her which I am not mean at all. Secretly I hate her but she doesn't know that!
I am so sick of it and I don't get the chance to defend myself because MIL talks to DH and never ever calls me for anything. God only knows what DH says to her because I think he is afraid of her. He tells me what he says but I don't believe him!
My MIL went out and bought all the kids ipod touches and left out my DH and said she was too young. So I went out and bought her one. This was a couple of years ago and she is STILL talking about it. MIL tries to one up me all the time. DH bought me a $300 laptop. MIL bought all the kids laptops (SD and his brothers kids ) not my kids of course. Then I bought a video camera to take on our honeymoon. MIL bought herself a $1000 camera. I got a new Honda Pilot. MIL got a new Honda something. Its a long story but the money she was using was our money. Very long story we own a business she was involved but not anymore. I hate her.
i'm learning in my 30s that
i'm learning in my 30s that how you acted in high school is how you're gonna act all grown up. and now these bitches in my life are passing it on down to the next generation.....only it's worse now bec. seems like grandparents these days have a ton of money and think they're helping their grandkids by enabling and buying everything they want and trying to raising them....
have your husband send the
have your husband send the brat to her room if she is rude or disrespectful. Why should you be grounded when she is a brat. also invest in an iPod to drown out her voice.
i need something..... i just
i need something..... i just feel so annoyed bec i know nothing's gonna change till the princess moves out.
Been there! Still There! SD16
Been there! Still There!
SD16 is the same way. Coddled, no chores, and no real blame when she gets bad grades. Its the teachers fault always. SO KNOWS its her fault because she's lazy, but nothing is really ever done. She has so much stuff and has always been so overindulged that when you take anything away, she has something else to takes its place so it has no effect on her as far as punishment.
SD16 started get smart mouthed crap with me and SHE got the silent treatment. I don't do a thing for her and I ignore her. Did it piss of SO? yep! Don't care. You know why? Because when I told him that I was concerned and feeling very angry (and hurt) about SD's behavior towards me, his response was "I could say something to her, but I don't think it would do any good". You know what then, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT MYSELF. She gets shit from me. NOTHING. The only time I speak to her is to be polite and when I have to. Only to keep up appearances in front of SO that I'm not mean to her. I just say hello goodbye and answer her as simple and short as possible when she asks me something. When she needs something "ask your dad" is the response I give.
SO's mom (not technically my MIL, but basically) is so sympathetic to SD. Its disgusting. She listens to the poor me crap all the time. The woman actually called me once to tell me SD's sob story about how she and I used to be close and she doesn't know what happened. Oh and how she really wants us to be close again and doesn't know what to do. I didn't say anything. Thanks for calling, bye.
Good luck. SD's suck.
Yuck. My MIL called DH the
Yuck. My MIL called DH the other day to tell him that he needs to take SD shopping and out to eat at least once a week just the two of them. DH said what about my other 2 kids and MIL said they are younger and don't need the extra attention. Yeah right. DH works 7 days a week about 15 hours a day. If he gets a minute he spends it with me. MIL is such a shit stirrer its so annoying. Like SD needs MORE shopping time. This kid is a shopaholic.
When me and DH went on our honeymoon SD had MIL look thru my closet and MIL took DH aside and said that SD thinks I have a problem with shopping, and I seem to be at the mall alot lately!! Are you kidding me!!! Mind your own business lady!! All those clothes were from my single life and I had a job making about $65,000 a year and only me and DD to spend it on. If I want to buy a freakin Coach bag then I will. Now I wouldn't because we have a family to support but why is that your business bitch!!! She now makes comments because I take BD3 to window shop at the mall and she thinks we are buying things. Even if we were, its my money!! I hate her and SD! Jealous bitches!
i don't understand the logic
i don't understand the logic behind my MIL either. she does same kind of things your MIL does to stir things up. pisses me off when she's like "oh, poor, SD"..... how about oh, poor SM? i do an awful lot -- well, i did an awful lot for her bratty grandkids.... and now i'm being shit on bec. i scolded and got annoyed rightly so for bad, disgusting behavior.
Things got so bad that I
Things got so bad that I couldn’t tolerate my SD15 in my home any longer. I wasn’t going to allow her to control my home with her horrible, hateful behavior and I wasn’t going to feel like I dreaded going home because I would have to deal with her.
My SD was choosing to be a hateful brat. She didn’t want to get along and was failing in school on purpose. She would completely ignore me when I told her to do anything. She refused to do anything she was told. She wanted her dad to yell at her so she had an excuse to complain to her maternal relatives about how horrible her dad and stepmom are to her.
If you have your own children, then you need to protect them from the negative behavior of your SD. What I did was set up a list of requirements for her to remain in my home including a home rules agreement. SD15 needed to sign it and agree to comply with the consequences when she broke any rules. But she completely refused to do this and now is living with her aunt and uncle. Good riddance and its her fault that her dad can’t spend time with her since she refused to comply with my rules.
My house, my rules. If skids refuse to follow the rules, you have the right to send them packing.
wow! wouldn't you like to
wow! wouldn't you like to smack whoever takes SD's side? geez. i'm sure your rules were sensible and wouldn't have been hard to carry out. these kids and extended family make things way harder than they have to be.
It’s impossible establish
It’s impossible establish rules for a child in your home when they have the ability to complain to relatives that do not support you and that they can run to when they do not like the rules in your home.
I feel like my list of requirements for her to return to our home and my house rules are very fair and reasonable, but they are very tailored to specific incidents and behaviors while she was living with us, which seem a little outlandish on the surface to people who do not directly know what happened. But I wanted to close any loopholes.
For instance, when we took away her cell phone and said she couldn’t have it back until her grades improved, her adult half-brother sent her a new one that we had no idea about. So, I included in the Home Rules Contract that she is not allowed to touch the mailbox to prevent her from getting packages behind our backs and so we can have control over what her half-siblings send her. Once she proves that we can trust her, some of the restrictions will be lifted.
Her maternal relatives make it seem like the rules are unreasonable, but if they hadn't kept undermining our parental authority, we wouldn't have so many problems.
I think you summed it up
I think you summed it up pretty good...it's HARD to establish rules when there are so many relatives to go complain to. i've been asking DH to show her there are consequences for nasty, disgusting behavior. that doesn't mean i want him to ground her every time she's over. it seems like a simple request to me. i don't know why he can't follow thru. i'm just sick and tired of being told how mean i am. and then DH tells me not to give up and that things will get better. it's just lip service to me now cuz nothing is being done to change SD. and from reading everyone's comments, i know i'm not the asshole, but i'm made to look like one. it's not right.
I'm in the same boat. My SD16
I'm in the same boat. My SD16 chooses to be a complete ASS every time she comes to visit. She is also failing classes. She runs the show. I have thought about some rules for when she visits. She is here for the weekend and on monday. I didn't sleep much at all last night. My nerves are shot! I told my SO that if she is rude, inconsiderate or down right hateful towards me or my son she will NOT be allowed back in my house. My son is 13 and he treats me with much respect as a child should. If I ask SD16 to do anything she glares at me or rolls her eyes. If I say something to her brothers she tells them to do something different. AS she is THEIR mom when they are here NOT me.
I would like to approach my SO about maybe some rules. My son needs none as he knows what is expected and what is not tolerated. I felt if I bring up rules I will anger my SO and he will think I am singling out his daughter.
I have exactly the same
I have exactly the same situation in my home, except SD12 lives with us permanently. She has stolen money out of purse, poured expensive cosmetics down the sink, torn up almost every photograph with me in it, cursed at me, damaged my property, etc. I speak to her, she ignores me. She has now gone to the extent of refusing to eat dinner if I make it.
I have a BS12 who is also polite, respectful and responsible. My DH has said in the past, “you just don’t like my daughter”, or “I guess you think your son is perfect”, but now he is seeing his daughter for who she really is instead of his little princess that can do no wrong.
There are times I have gotten so upset that I physically shake. But, then there are times that I just look at her and sigh and roll my eyes and smile at her scowls and permanently angry face.
I feel almost sick reading
I feel almost sick reading these comments because this too is my life! We just moved to a new city and have custody of SD15. Of course she didn't want to move and blames me for the transition. I've had a job in the new city for a year and have been commuting back and forth, recently my husband got a job here and that's why we made the move. She talks about how mean I am and that I yell at her. Such bullshit, I never raise my voice! I made the mistake of comparing her to her no good mother when she was stealing things from me like my dead fathers wedding ring and a ring my husband gave me for Christmas. She shows no remorse or compassion for anyone and feels entitled to everything!!! Her dad feels sorry for her because her mother is such a poor excuse for a human being, but every time we turn around we are the bad guys. We receive child support from the birth mom but she never actually pays. She is such a piece of crap that SD begged her to stay with her and not move and she told her that she was just looking for sympathy. What kind of "mother" says that to their child. She acted like she wanted her but that is just so she could get money from us because we both have great jobs!
My husband does take up for me, and puts our marriage first. But her utter lack of respect, thanklessness, and just plain woe is me bullshit is past the level that I can stand. If it weren't for us having to pay child support I would gladly send her butt packing and not think twice about it!
mIL? What MIL. My SD16 has
mIL? What MIL. My SD16 has manipulated that whole side I've never known them. Met them once. But I'm too horrible for their precious liar to be around. Until now when no one wants her and she tried to put an innoccent man in jail ... Poor baby...she did have to go through that divorce...at 2!
Your husband has much more
Your husband has much more control than he is admitting to. Men are freakin' weak as hell.
I know the feeling. My blood starts to boil just knowing my SS is on the way to my house. I feel defensive and angry like I seriously wish harm on him. It's a shame that these punk bitches make us hate like this, it's like an infection.
Only you know how much you are willing to handle. You can't live your life in pure anger. God, I know the feeling of being consumed though. Like you, my relatonship with my husband it pure magic, with the exception of this f'in kid. Your husband sounds close to being on board with a solution, so you are closer to a solution thatn alot of people.
First of all, you need to consider her to be invisible. This is easier to do than you think. She simply does not exist. Like a piece of furniture. When my ss left his shit laying around the house, I bagged it up when he wasn't looking and threw it in the garage (rafters). That shit stopped.
One thing is true, I guarantee you this...sucking the joy from your life is what she thrives on. So when shes around, be giddy as hell. Even do things like pretending your on a phone conversation laughing. When she walks in the room near you, get quiet like you may have been talking about her. Here's the thing, she a fucking "mean girl" just like the movie. The only way to beat her is beat her at her game. Watch the movie...you'll see. She will have the incredible need to get your approval in no time. Have your girlfriends come over. Stick around just long enough to laugh and talk (five minutes) and then all of you sashay out the door to go to lunch and shopping leaving her standing there. BEAT HER ASS AT HER OWN FUCKING GAME. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL YOU CAN DO THIS.