2 years of hell,and it's getting worse
I came accross this site and hoped someone out there might be able to help me find a solution..my partner and I were friends for years before we got together.I was also friends with his ex who he had split with 10 years before we got together.I never knew them as a couple.we saw each other as friends and two years ago became very close and it's a bit cheesy but fell in love.his ex and my friend did not take it as well as we thought she would,infact that's a hugh understatement.she became unbelivably jealous and very spitefull toward me.she has spread awfull vicious rumers and in the small town we live in that has made life very hard.my partners son was great though in the begining as iv known him since he was about 10 he's now 17 and we got on well.but sadly this has not stayed the same.we as a couple haven't had a huge amount of money due to the recesion and being self employed,and so my partners son who was used to always getting everything he wants suddenly couldn't,as my own children couldn't but my children have seemed to understand.however my partners ex has manipulated this so her son thinks it's because I am controlling my partner and pushing my ss out.I am really struggling with this as obviously I have children and so would never do something like that to another child.I say child but he is 17 and so he has decided he no longer wants to be anywhere near me which obviously makes life upsetting for his dad.my ss and his bm on many many occasions have tried to split my partner and me even resorting to choose her or your son tactics.my partner refuses to choose and tells his son he will always be there for him.iv told him i would never push him out and that I'd love for him to come round etc but he won't even talk to me.it's getting harder for me to stop myself from thinking badly if my step son as his behaviour is unbearable.he receintly knocked on the door at 2 am threatoning to hit his dad and he seriously bad mouthed me and my children.I went down stairs after some time just to try and reasure my ss that there was no need for any of this but he just left and didn't want to know. This is all tearing my partner to peices as he feels like he has lost his son and his ex constantly rings and gives him greif again sometimes in the early hours calling me unrepeatable things etc..please does anyone have any idears of how to try and difuse this to get things back on track.I can't speak to the bm as she just gets violent,and she is the same with my partner andis ridiculasly un reasonable. She reciently told my partner she still loved him after 12 years of splitting although she has had numerous relationships in the meantime.when he told her it was all over a long time ago it Ll got much worse and she hasead my ss to bive I have prevented them getting back together,so know his hatred toward me is also extended to my children too.please help if you can my partner and I are all out of idears and no amount of reasurence from his dad is making any difference...it's all very sad as iv lost a friend my partner is loosing his son and at the moment I can't see it ever getting any better.on the plus point I know how strong my relationship is with my partner and I feel if anything it has all pulled us closer together.I don't know if I could have been so strong if it was the other way around,if I was loosing my child and being pressured the way my partner is I think I would have cracked by know and given in to their demands.
At 2 AM you should have
At 2 AM you should have called the police and had him removed. It's better for him to get a record before he's 18 and know you mean business because your right it will get worse unless you nip it in the bud.
i think buttercookie is
i think buttercookie is right. You have to accept that these people in their mind think they're right, your wrong and the fact they attack you and your children shows so much hatred that they are blinding by it.
But one thing is for sure. You need to send a strong message to his ex and her son. That you and your children will not stand by, be called names or be threatened anymore. The police should be involved should he ever come again at 2 am. The BM should be given a legal letter to warn her to stop phoning because she obviously has no business. Her son is old enough to speak his mind. Even though its been twisted.
Sit your husband down and tell him that under no circumstances is she to ever phone the house again. If you have to place a restraining order on the mother, then do so. As for the son, your husband has to make a stand as well, with himand make it very clear he is to draw a line. If both act out of line, then both will be reprimanded on a legal level.
Bottom line, YOU protect yourself and your children.
1. Ex wifie pooh must get it through her thick skull there is no chance in hell that your husband will go back.
2. Son must realize that after 12 years the father alone as an adult made the decisionto divorce and that dear mother has had numerous relationships. Saying i love you still doesn't mean people get back together. Acknowledge it, and move on. You love me? that's nice....it stops there.
3. Record every event that transpires from BM and son. Make a record.
If the violence gets worse, you must act to protect your family. He is 17, old enough to know right from wrong. Bm needs to be put in her place. Nto because she is the mother...but because she is a human being way out of line.
Your hubby must approach his son, in a public place, have coffee. Lay down the lines and warn him of all circumstance. He can continue having a relationship with his son but with no hate.
If you guys have to all go to counciling , this may help...but i would approach son first.
Thank you for your replies, I
Thank you for your replies, I know your both right, and I think this might be the way to go with the bm.I'd prefer to avoid that with ss if possible and I hope it is.my partner took him for a meal last night as I was writing my first entry,he listened to everything my partner had to say and didn't argue with him, but also didn't talk so my partner said it was impossible to tell how it went but atleast he turned up.I have been amaised by bm and the low tactics she has resorted to and for so long because obviously it is causing distress to her son and I can't belive she could sit back and allow this to continue.i think my partner maybe should put his foot down abut firmer than he does with his son but I understand where he is coming from, his son is so stubbern and his bm has done such a good job on him,my partner is affraid he'll loose him for good.i knew being a parent wasn't easy but being a step parent is like mission impossible!!
Sad to say that kid as well
Sad to say that kid as well as BM will be in your Mans life forever. At least till he's 21 because he doesn't seem too mature at all. Those " choose us or her" tactics is what they do as power trips. I have experienced that also. The past holidays SS chose to go elsewhere and wanted his dad to be with him. I told my boyfriend to go with his son and I insisted on it but my boyfriend stayed with me ans said his son was being complicated. Your ss seems very complicated as well and hard to trust.
Good luck