How can this be fixed?!?!

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I'm stuck and really don't know who to turn too!! I'm a step dad to my partners 5 year old boy and we have a two year old daughter. I've grown up in a big family so have always had kids around me. Generally I don't have any problems around children but there is one that I can't get to grips with!!!!!!!!

Everything started off fine with him, we met when he was two and a half. In the last 6 months he has become so pathetically soft. He seems to like nothing I do with him even when he's asked to do whatever it may be! My partner tells me to spend time with him which I do happily but it always turns into a whining contest with him just saying how horrible I am to his BD and SM. My partner then gets a phone call from BD and SM telling how terrible I am for upsetting him!

I have pleaded my innocence with my partner and she won't listen to me saying I'm the adult and I need to grow up. After all the effort time and money that I have spent on them both I refuse to give up because my daughter doesn't deserve such a miserable time growing up with this boy.

An example of his behaviour; one nite I was putting him to bed along with my daughter. She went down fine but he started acting up. I shouted at him to go to sleep then he slapped his own face. I was really surprised at this then he burst into tears and his mother came running in. The little shit told her that I hit him round the face!!!!! Unbeleivable !!!! I would never do this whilst I do agree with smacking kids I only see it as a final resort and that's it!!

I just don't know what to do anymore can anybody win this or is my little girl going to suffer for being around this manipulative little boy with his mom wrapped around his little finger. How can I fix this??? Please help, nobody else understands!

If I were in your position,

If I were in your position, I would not spend anymore time alone with SS. The way I see it, is it's putting you in situations that no matter what you do, you will be viewed as the guilty one. And if questioned by your wife, explain exactly that. Until she present's a united front with you towards her son, he will continue his behavior. Children are smarter than we give them credit for, and if he see's his tantrums are winning the affections of his Mom, and causing hardship for you he will continue.

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

I agree with MM, at least

I agree with MM, at least right now. If your wife does not believe you, then you are putting yourself at risk of having him accuse you of something worse and having your wife press charges or something.

Did your wife believe you or her son?

I know it's hard to think of it this way, but this kid is obviously having a lot of psychological trouble if he's doing this. Probably he's being told by biodad and stepmom that you are bad, and this encourages him to act out. If your wife does not believe you, then you're going to have to start there, because she's the only one who can change this situation. If she does, please sit down and talk to her and tell her how worried you are, and ask her to help you to be a united front to have your ss respect you and to counter anything bad the biodad and stepmom are saying.

If she does not believe you, then I would tell her that first, you don't feel safe disciplining or parenting this kid in any way, because as a stepdad you're in a position where no one will believe you against the kid. Second, ask her to go to counseling with you so that you two can reconnect and start working together as a couple, not separately.

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

By the way, I suggest when

By the way, I suggest when your wife questions why you will no longer be alone with the kid, that you explain it to her in a way that is not angry, and that explains to her very calmly the very dangerous position that you are being put in. A stepfather, being an adult male, is a figure that society will very quickly presume guilty and judge very harshly in any situation where he is suspected of doing anything, whether he is innocent or not. The media and movies have portrayed/reported on so many instances where a stepfather beats, sexually abuses, or otherwise a child that the public is very conditioned to automatically presume guilt. Explain to your wife that you do not feel supported or comfortable, and that in this situation, she, your stepson, the biofather, and the stepmother are all people who will choose the stepson's word over yours, and that you could end up in jail, your career ruined, and your marriage destroyed because your stepson tells a lie and no one questions him. State quite calmly that you are very frightened for your own safety and so you are not comfortable disciplining or even having any time alone with this child in the current situation. That you so, so wish it could be different, but you have no power to change that. Only she does, by BELIEVING you and by not allowing this behavior to continue. That you love her and want to stay with her, and this is the only way that you think that is possible if the situation doesn't change.

I guess what I'm saying is, I suggest that you try very hard to not sound like you are accusing her, but rather that you are trying to show her what life is like for you and how scary and unsafe it feels, and how hard that is because you wish you could be a parental figure to her son.

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your support I have spoken to my partner and I've raised a few of your suggestions I'll let you know if it all works out!!

Thanks again

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