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Disability or Just a strange kid?

Sunshine1992's picture

So, since 2-3,months of knowing my bfs son I've noticed he has some weird behaviors. Very antisocial even for a 15 year old, rarely speaks to any adults except for his father and very close family members. That's sort of typcal but when I noticed him around his. Cousins at Christmas time, I noticed his eating and hand mannerisms are quite odd. He just doesn't seem to be normal in that respect. His dad mentioned unfortunately BM had done cocaine at least once I'm pregnancy but I've been rly hesitant to bring up the subject because well there aren't many ways to say "your son acts like he has a mental delay".

he also has a strange anatomy to his head, I don't know if I'm looking for something after learning about the drug use in utero but it seems like his head has a strange shape. All of this and then his failing school pretty much his whole life, could there be serious issues here? I mean my thought has mostly been that he's a spoiled irresponsible kid, but could there be something else that at LEAST explains his terrible academic performance? I've mentioned therapy to my boyfriend because the kid went through an ugly separation pretty much right after turning 1 year old Alf his parents both lack any common sense, but bf says he doesn't think his son needs therapy blah blah blah. Maybe he's afraid about what he would hear. Thanks In advance, appreciate any input. I would hate to be hard on a kid with a disability... but I also wonder if that is what explains his laziness and rude attitude. 
 

 

Sunshine1992's picture

Right? Like I don't know anyone who is fucked up enough to do cocaine while they're pregnant and then just do it once . If you're that hooked you're doing it the whole time. 

notarelative's picture

 Maybe he's afraid about what he would hear.

That's a definite possibility. Schools, at least the ones here, recommend testing if a child is continually failing. IEPs are made, services are given, and hopefully things improve. If not the IEP is reworked, services change, .... But, sometimes the reaction of parents when testing is suggested is there is nothing wrong with my child. It's the teacher's fault. And the testing is denied. The services aren't put into place and the failing continues. 

But, 15 is a funny age and each kid is different. Today's introvert can be next month's extrovert. But, no matter what this kid should not be rude. BF is failing as a parent if his child is rude and he ignores it. Having a disability does not excuse rudeness.

BF has a lazy rude kid and thinks everything is fine. Do not move in unless you want to live with the status quo. If you have already moved in, you have a choice. Stay or move out. A BF who thinks all is good is not about to change.

justmakingthebest's picture

I don't know how much you want to push it but my SS21 has Autism, GAD, ADHD along with a few other dx's likely due to his mom's drinking and drugging during pregnancy. Of course that isn't the only way a child develops Autism, but is certainly didn't help things.

The best thing he can do for his kid is to have a full evaluation done. You are looking at 2-3 hrs a day for 3-4 days of testing. Best thing I ever did. SS was misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder so I was able to have that removed. The testing will be vital when it comes to getting him help later on. 

SS has a job that is sheltered through the state and he has a job coach to help him deal with his communication and training. He works about 40 hrs a month and his  coach is with him for 26 of those hours. It also helped us get him on Medicaid when he was booted off of Tri-care at 21 (military health insurance). These programs for special needs people build on each other- so my SS also gets to go to welding school at no cost at the local vocational training center. His slow paced program will take him almost 3 years to complete vs. about 1-1.5 years traditionally. 

Having him evaluated doesn't mean your DH failed, it means he is finally going to get the help he needs! Maybe he doesn't need to graduate right away. Some states allow the kids to continue in a vocational setting though the public school until 21. Maybe he needs to have a  better support system within the special ed department. If your kid needs something you get them help. I don't understand parents that bury their heads in the sand. 

Sunshine1992's picture

I totally agree with getting evaluated. Bf seems to think it's not necessary or he can handle it himself with "love". I also agree that graduating isn't for everyone!! But ss and bf seem to think that trade school is the easy way out, which it isn't, you still have to make an effort and study and be responsible and if you can't pass 8th grade, trade school will not be easy I think. Thanks for your input ! I think I'll just wash my hands of the whole thing because I don't really seem to have any effect on anything anyway . 

Winterglow's picture

Your bf is in deep denial because he thinks that if there is anything "wrong" with his son that it is automatically someone's "fault" so he wants to avoid him being evaluated. WRONG! The sooner his son is evaluated, the sooner he gets the help he needs. Does your bf understand that by refusing to look at the situation objectively, he is actually making life harder for his son? His so isn't learning things in ways that are efficient and effective for him so he is struggling to adapt to life. Give him the right tools and life could be so much easier and comfortable for him.

If your bf truly loved his son, he would, at very least, get him an appropriate evaluation. If he needs nothing then fine. They're not going to force services that are already in very short supply on someone who doesn't need them. Time your bf stopped contemplating his own navel...

Sunshine1992's picture

We live in Spain. I honestly have no idea if any of the teachers have followed up. The more interaction I have with the kid is that I think his asshole vibe covers up things. However when  he actually sits down to do work I don't know how he does, I'm completely oblivious, so that's definitely something to take into account. 

Rags's picture

I tend to take the terms "disability" and "disabled" with a grain of salt. Officially, according to the US Gov't, I am disabled with a recognized disability. 

In reality, I am in no way disabled.  I have always played the "that's bullshit" card when people with my disability try to get out of shit because of it.  IMHO there is a large % of people who use their "disability" as an excuse which does an extreme disservice to those with legitimate disabilities.