Stepchildren suddenly clingy
A little background..I have two stepdaughters, 7 and 4. They are here every weekend and I usually keep them on Saturdays all day while my fiance is at work. I love them both dearly and they're very attached to me. However it seems like lately they are suddenly VERY clingy to both me and their father. The 4 year old has always been like this. She likes having lots of attention and she's a little bit spoiled as the baby of the family (but still very sweet.) But lately both of them are just in our hair 24/7. They would rather sit in the living room with us and watch a grown up movie with us or watch me on facebook, or watch their dad play Call of Duty when they are clearly bored than go in their room and play with their toys! We do play with them and spend a lot of time with them but I don't understand this sudden need to be around us constantly. No matter what I'm doing they want to be in the middle of it! When my fiance is here it's the same deal. We told them about a month ago that we're expecting a new baby so I wonder if that has something to do with it or if something is going on at their Mother's. Last night when we took them home they started crying and saying they wanted to stay with us. My fiance does not communicate with their mother except to discuss who is dropping them off/picking them up, so I have no idea what's going on over there. I don't know a way to tell them that they are starting to annoy me when they're constantly hanging around me without upsetting them. My bio kids have always been much more independent, so I'm not really sure how to handle this.
They probably don't get any
They probably don't get any attention at BMs. Or they feel that you and DH may love the new baby more. Nows a good time to talk to them. Know telling what they hear at BMS. Just re-assure them that they are loved and always wanted at your house. Make sure Dh spends extra time with just them after the baby gets here. They will adjust. If its not the new baby. Theres probably something going on at Bms house that has them uncomfortable. May try to getting them talking???
Excuse me, HRNYC if you don't
Excuse me, HRNYC if you don't have anything helpful to say it's best to say nothing at all. They see their father 12 days a month Friday through Sunday every week and sometimes we take them after school or overnight during the week if needed. He is a very attentive father and spends a lot of time with them. I watch them Saturday morning until about 4pm when he gets home. Other than that they get a lot of daddy-daughter time, but no one can or should have to play with kids every single second of the day when they have each other to play with and tons of toys. At some point you need a break. He works 6 days a week to take care of all of us, so I don't see a problem with him occasionally wanting to watch a movie or play a video game on his only day off. The kids have always been fine with his schedule and the amount of time they spend together. It's only recently that they've started acting like they're afraid to let us out of their sight.
Oh I should also add that the
Oh I should also add that the weekend after we told the kids about the baby, BM suddenly "needed to talk" with my fiance and told him that she had found lumps in her breasts...6 months ago. When he asked if she had gone to the doctor to see if it was serious she replied that "she didn't want to find out." I know she's full of it as I've had two people in my family die from terminal cancer, and there was absolutely no reason to tell him this except to get attention. She isn't sick at all and she's not even concerned about it enough to go to the doctor. Also a couple of weeks ago she asked us to keep the kids during the week unless my fiance could give her money for her electric bill and said her power would be cut off. I told him I would happily watch the kids while he was at work until she resolved her bill issue. Low and behold the next day her electric was magically turned back on. Lol! I don't know much about her, but I do know that she likes attention and tries to take advantage of fiance's tender heart...so who knows what she's telling the girls.
Best way to find out what's
Best way to find out what's going on is play "dollhouse" with them. Have a doll for each member of the family, including bm, and just act out some stuff with them. Let one of the girls be bm and see how her doll acts. Like someone already said, I would guess that bm is freaking out over the baby. Even if she isn't saying anything to the girls, she may be sleeping a lot, not attentive, etc. or just different enough to scare them.
LOL WHOA!!!! this what I have
LOL WHOA!!!! this what I have to deal with with my girlfriends son. HEs too attached to her. He doesnt let her go to the bathroom alone, the kitchen, outside to throw the trash, like he will start crying if she leaves the room...he refuses to play with the other kids in the house just so he can be near his mother
From experience, it is
From experience, it is probably a combination of things. BM not giving them attention, BM filling their heads with lies about how daddy feels about them, BM's lies about how it will change with new baby, and the fear of possibly not being the center of both daddy's and your world once baby comes.
Playing "dollhouse" is a great idea. It is what most therapists will use with young children to figure out home life situations. You should be playing someone like a friend or grandma, let them be the main adults (BM, Dad, You) and themselves. You will learn a lot from that.
Really begin to include the girls in your pregnancy. Have them touch your belly and "talk" to baby. Show them the ultrasounds. Ask them to help decorate the nursery. Let them pick out outfits for baby. Include them in selecting a name. You and FH can have a name picked and then use reverse psych to make the girls think they thought up the name. The more you involve them in the pregnancy the better it will be for all of you.
No, you don't have to spend every waking moment with kids. They should be able to entertain themselves at that age. You just have to fix the issue now or it could fester and turn ugly down the road.
Have you considered setting
Have you considered setting up some play dates for them on the weekends? Maybe every other week or three?
What time do they go to bed? IME, most parents wait until after bedtime to watch more grown-up movies (and no, I'm not talking "adult" movies, but those which may not be appropriate for a 4 & 7yo).
It's also possible that one or the other of the girls has a friend who recently became an older sibling, and are having problems with the adjustment.
The one thing I noticed about
The one thing I noticed about my bio three, in hindsight, is that they were very clingy but turned into very independant adults.
It was a natural reaction for me to put my arm around whichever child climbed into my lap, LOL it sometimes took me a moment to realize they had, in fact, climbed up!
I do think that the pregnancy has something to do with it, kids have this inbuilt sense, instinct if you like, that something is going on. I strongly suspect that BM is filling their heads with nonsense too, attention seeking people will say and do anything to get their fix!
I would be showing them age appropriate books on pregnancy and new baby, so they have some factual information, rather than just what BM tells them!
Like other posters say, reassure them, find a way for them to be on their own for part of the day. Do they take a nap? I think I might encourage them to nap part of Saturday, milk and a cookie with a soft blanket and quiet time for them, you and baby too! Once they feel baby moving, and then baby (ostensibly) taking a nap they might fall into a pattern?