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What are some things that annoy you about your step kids the most? What about the ex?

newwtostepguy's picture

Skids-I am annoyed by how messy they eat for their ages and that they still do not have any manners during meals unless you constantly remind them to not play with their food, to say please/thank you and to use utensils. It's a constant thing at meal time and it's a losing battle. They know better, they have been taught. They are old enough but they eat like slobs anyways and continue to do so. It will make anyone lose their appetite pretty quickly. I am annoyed that they do not listen to their mother and how they ignore her often and repeatedly.. They do not do what they are told until they have been asked a dozen times repeatedly. I'm annoyed by their whiney attitudes and constant complaining over nothing. They do not realize how good they have it yet they have no appreciation for anything.

The Ex- I am annoyed about how he refuses to parent his kids like a proper father. I am annoyed that he takes his kids for such small amounts of time and never takes them for more than a few hours here and there. I am annoyed by his daily phone calls. I am annoyed that he always feels the need to go into his exe wife's house when dropping off/picking up his kids. Why can't you wait on the driveway ?  There's no reason for you to be in her house, period, creep. I'm annoyed by his stories that have nothing to do with his kids and are irrelevant yet he feels he needs to tell his ex about them.

 

Jcksjj's picture

For both I would say selfishness and entitlement. Everything that is theirs and theirs and everything that is everyone else's is theirs also. They both have the attitude that they are better than others just because they exist and everyone else is just there do be used as they please.

newwtostepguy's picture

Nail on head. Entitlement and selfishness. With both the ex and the skids it is huge nad runs throughtout all areas of their personalities and behaviors. 

lorlors's picture

Bang on the money with this comment.

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

Why does your wife allow the behavior?

The annoyances can be fixed. Ex stays outside, set that boundary. Skids learn manners, set that boundary. 

However their general attitude cannot be fixed. I have found, and it is prevalent here, that most skids are entitled and selfish.  It seems to come from poor parenting either on one or both sides. That will not go away. For me I just ignore it and let their parents handle and/or deal with the consequences of it. And at the same time I make sure my bios know and understand that it is not acceptable. 

It can be done. Successfully living happily with skids and exes. However it will take setting boundaries, speaking up and making sure their drama never interferes with your life. But in order for that to work the biological parent has to actually parent and put the relationship first. 

bedazzled's picture

I agree it can work. I have seen it. In the cases I have seen that work both the parent and stepparent are united in one. They parent together. They don’t Teach the children to be entitled. They don’t parent by guilt. The marriage has to be the first priority. I have a cousin that has 4 stepchildren. She has 1 child with her DH. I asked her how they have been so successfull. They really do all get along great. The kids the parents everyone. She said from day one that her DH had her back and did not allow his children to disrespect her. They also never gave the kids a false sense of entitlement. They are very grounded and kind. Their mother is also remarried and same thing happened there. The kids respect their stepfather and have a great relationship. Both parents expect and will not tolerate any less.

They all really did the kids such a favor also. They are well adjusted and have happy lives. The 4 of them did an outstanding job of parenting. One of the kids married a man with a daughter. She had such good role models of how a step stituation should be handled, that they have been married for 10 years and have a strong solid marriage. They now have a little boy together and the 2 kids have also blended well and are kind kids.

it is all in how the bio parents handle the situation. 

Evil3's picture

My SD29's extreme conceit and constant posting of selfies. Almost every day, she posts at least two selfies: a facial shot and a body shot. She gets every esthetic process done and recently got microblading and she looks like Graucho Marx. She first got it done on Halloween and her workplace had a costume day. They posted a pic on FB and I thought her eyebrows were part of her costume and then I kept seeing them in every picture of her. I actually made a comment to DH that SD thought of everything for the 80s theme, including the ultra thick eyebrows and DH chuckled. We didn't realize the eyebrows weren't a part of SD's costume. Anyway, I'm annoyed by the constant selfies, the superiority complex and her constant need for contact with DH. Yesterday, for example, I got home from work and DH was already skyping with SD. She gets off of work at 4 and by the time I got hom at 5, she was already chatting away with DH and there was an ultra long convo. I couldn't resist commenting that she must have flown in the door and logged on to chat with Daddddeeeeee. DH knows I can't f ing stand SD and her constant need to insert herself between us.

GrabitAndGo's picture

Dude, you're not married to this woman - you're not even living together.  These aren't your stepchildren.  All of your posts are variations of the same theme: the kids are feral, girlfriend doesn't correct them, and you can't stand her ex-husband for a litany of reasons.  

If everything about this situation is so awful, why are you still there?  Are you a glutton for punishment?  Be like a basketball and bounce on out of there.  

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Kids? Can't really think of anything that's not typical of children. I guess more than anything it's the complete awareness of personal space / surroundings BUT it's not malicious or rude just still learning the world doesn't revolve around them.

BM- the mother of the year act. The MY KIDS crap while she can't even say one nice thing about her child because she only sees the monster she created in her home.

shamds's picture

thinking skills, as adults aged 22 & 20 still expect daddy pay for everything. Ss20 lacks any manners when eating or out or even when we have guests come over. He fidgets to the point family notice he doesn’t want to be around but he still wants to come along to whatever event.

he is never on time and expects everyone wait for him and cater to his every whim with no consideration of others

he has excuses for everything, refuses to do chores, dumps his rubbish on kitchen floor next to bin where ants can come.

the sd22 & sd13 feel they take precedence over me ws mum to my 2 toddlers and feed my daughter chocolates when at a family wedding wearing a nice dress, feed them in a car when they know our kids are really car sick and i’m the baddy shouting no and they feel they can answer back with “ok i’ll just give a little”. It takes everything in me to not shout “NO MEANS NO!!”.

exwife she created the PAS and spread lies about hubby and me (she has never met me but made all kinds of allegations like she was an expert on me), she lied to the daughters and they knew it but then they tell daddy we want to be a family but do a 360 saying we can’t be a family because mummy said you did this and this.... right so you just admitted your mum lied alot, but we can’t be a family because your mum said blah blah blah which you know is already lies.... they lack critical thinking skills

they also expect hubby taxi them around everywhere and hubby expects i just sit there all smiles compromising for everyone as a third wheel

Swim_Mom's picture

What annoys (ok more than annoys..I cannot be in the same room as him) me about SS: he is completely lazy and has the manners of a barnyard animal (except animals are much cuter). He's a victim so therefore has no accountability. He does not regularly turn in his homework. He does nothing athletic at all. He eats nonstop and has gone from a normal cute skinny kid to disgusting fatass, due to his own laziness. Most of all, he does not appreciate anything anyone does for him especially his dad. He has a high pitched giggle and he laughs at his phone while he listens to stupid you tube videos or whatever it is. When he is in my house, which is thankfully only like once a month, I have to leave. Oh and he recently stole from my DH (charging stupid x-box games on his credit card) and lied about it.

What enrages/disgust me about his mother: she is a condescending bitch to my DH. Yes I get there's a history - my ex is not my favorite person but even he does not deserve to be treated that way like he doesn't matter at all to our kids. She is unable to love her kids more than she hates her ex husband.  She holds Lardass accountable for nothing, and this is why he does nothing. And she has that oh poor me I'm a victim attitude. She gets close to $7000 a month including maintenance, which thankfully is only for one more year (then it's just like $1000 in CS for Lardass). She makes excuses for everything. I've met her only once and never see her but I truly hate her. I can't wait to see what happens when the maintenance ends because her job is a joke and she's insisted on holding onto their huge house - she will run into financial ruin because she's an idiot who can't plan and feels she is entitled.

Chmmy's picture

I CANT EVEN!

I wouldn't even have time to go on & on but BM & the skids have a lot of the same annoying traits. Apple doesnt fall far from the tree.

Physics guy's picture

Grunting, snorting and holding a fork like he's at a Rennaisance fair.  UGH!

elkclan's picture

What annoys me about BM is that she changes plans at her whim without discussion. What annoys me is SO lets her. Rarely calls her on it and NEVER makes her (or face it - the kids) suffer the consequences. I get why he wants to shield the kids from the consequences of her actions, but it's blowback on me, my son and really his kids, too. BUT his tolerance and go-with-the-flowness is one of the things that I love about him and in our day to day we have a very peaceful (yet hot!!) home life. What disturbs me about BM is her sense of entitlement, black and white thinking, dangerous and explosive temper and her suspected BPD. 

What annoys me about my stepkids? Nothing and everything. I mean I could list the annoying behaviour du jour, but they aren't bad people, they're dealing with very difficult circumstances at BM's and one of them is almost a teenager and is getting a serious case of stupid coming on. Also, I am empowered to reprimand and discipline - so I can tell SS1 to can it and I can tell SS2 to stop being silly to deliberately provoke and annoy (me, my son, his brother). I get backed up by SO in public and if he doesn't like something, he'll tell me in private. In reality, they are no better and no worse than BS - they just have different sets of great qualities and crap qualities. I'm looking forward to seeing them later today. 

Germie2's picture

What annoys me about SD: selfishness, entitlement, manipulations, lies 

What annoys me about BM: her golden uterus syndrome,selfishness, lies, entitlement, manipulations,the need to control everyone and every situation, the need of wanting to know everything that happens in our house, the victim play, 

What annoys me about my DH : victim play, letting SD and BM get away with everything they do and allowing it to even happen, the double standard. 

What annoys me about me: putting myself and my children in this mess, allowing it to continue, I should have set boundaries from the start, being naive . 

 

lynnief's picture

I have never heard of golden uterus syndrome- but I expect my skids bm has it!!!! What does this mean to you? 

 

sunshinex's picture

SD7 is a fairly good kid, but there are some things that annoy the hell out of me. 

She plays the "mom" card up with me a lot when she wants to benefit from it. IE if she seems her brother (my 15-month-old son) getting attention, she tries to take it by going "mommy i love you so much" meanwhile, she never ACTS like she loves me, especially if DH isn't around. She just ignores me until she can benefit from me. 

She's fairly spoiled. She was the first grandkid and all of DH's side treat her better than any of the other kids. She's always had two christmases. Every birthday, her aunts/uncles come visit and take her out and spoil her. She's just used to getting a lot so she doesn't often show appreciation. Christmas made me feel uneasy because she came home from opening a bunch of gifts at BMs and opened the ones at our house.

She didn't say thank you until prompted 15 minutes AFTER opening everything. Then she went ahead and said "well, I got a few of the same things at BMs" and later said "Did you know theres an LOL surprise doll house? It's HUGE" and I said "yeah, you just got a bunch of toys tho" and she kept hinting at it until I finally said "SD, you're not getting anything else you just had 2 christmases."

AND lastly, she does this weird thing where she acts like I'm a monster! If DH takes the kids downstairs on the weekend so I can sleep in or if I go out grocery shopping, the second I walk into MY living room, she gets this scared, worried look and runs around trying to clean up the huge mess she's made or runs to the table to clear her snack mess. Like, the most I'll do is say "SD, clean your mess please" so why the dramatics? It makes me uncomfortable being treated like a big bad monster in the home I PAY FOR. 

ETA... BM doesn't really annoy me anymore. She used to, but now I realize she just doesn't want to be a mother. She's an alright person, actually, I think we'd get along if we weren't in this situation. She's very, very real and down to earth. Sometimes I feel for her because my husband is such a moral person and she is obviously not, so she's always felt really judged by him. She's got this strange inability to love, and of course, my husband looks down on her for it (which I totally get) but it's just who she is and part of her crappy mental health. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Hate it when they regurgiatate s*** Psycho has fed them.

Hate dealing with Psycho in general. High conflict druggie PITA.

lynnief's picture

What annoys me about SS24- Blows his nose super loud and leaves snotty kleenex over the place, and leaves his dirty clothes and wet used bath towels crumpled on the toilet after he showers- thank god this one doesn't live with us anymore- but he is now annoying in his need to bring BM into every conversation- and make sure there is a peice of cake for her from dad's bday party.

What annoys me about SS22- His moodiness, his sneakiness, his kleptomaniacal behaviors, his drug use, his neediness, his criminal behavior, his bleeding his dad dry of any cash for bullsh*t, his talking to the animals so loud I can't hear the news, his entitlement, selfishness, his sense that the whole world owes him something and his utter inability to be grateful for ANY of the myriad of good things in his life, and gifts he is given, the way that, no matter how generous, loving, affectionate, attentive and empathic his dad is, he is  never, ever good enough, the way he plays the victim in every circumstance, and I am annoyed by his sheer laziness and emotional weakness. 

BM- She is a criminal, an enabler, pumps her useless sons up with sunshine up their a$$es about how special and beautiful and brilliant and moral they are, when they are just greedy, self invovled resource-sucks, annoyed by her need  to keep in regular contact with her ex about every little thing that goes on in the lives of their adult sons, her inabiity to let go of her EXH and move on- let go of his family. Move on. Another person who  plays the victim, is entitled to everything, thinks the whole workd owes her something and has zero self awareness, makes zero contributions- Just uses and exploits other people until there is nothing else she can shake out of them. 

TogetherForever89's picture

SS10 is overall a good kid and means well, but he's got the worst habits. Bad table manners and etiquette in general: eating a bag of chips-licks his fingers and offers you a chip from licked fingers; smacking his lips while eating; wiping his nose with his sleeve or hand and then wiping it on his pants...habits that make me gag. He'll come back from his mom's house smelling like a gym sock and he doesn't notice the smell. However he is never malicious and these little things that annoy me are just things I think most kids go through if they were never taught better, and he definitely was not taught a damn thing. Also competes with DS2 for love and affection. My own son doesn't even cuddle me as much as my SS does!

The Ex-Wife: Entitled and dependent. Can't get a job by herself (my MIL had to hook her up with one of her clients), doesn't pay for anything (spends her money on hair, nails, traveling with her bf, buying her son's love), goes back and forth between living with her boyfriend and staying with my MIL (my MIL is an enabler btw and allows this bullshit to happen), does not parent her son and apparently likes to screech at him (according to SS10), uses me as a babysitter, is generally a friggin' idiot-OH I can go ON and ON about the ex!! The only redeeming quality is that she's quite civil with me; probably because she needs me to play babysitter when she's off making money or going out with her bf.

Me: Same as another poster said-ANNOYED for falling into this StepHell TRAP. Being stupid and naive. 

notasm3's picture

SS34 has excellent manners and does know how to act decent when not drunk. 

But he is the epitome of a loser/user taker.  He’s still resentful that his parents didn’t shower him with “stuff” like his rich school friends got  - 20 years later.   Neither DH nor BM Disney parented him.  He’s just selfish and entitled by nature. 

BM’s DH is a reformed addict (many many years) who rules BM and tolerates nothing from SS. He’s been banned from their home for even longer than he’s been banned from ours. Although BM and her DH will go to GK’s birthday parties.   DH has gone. I was never invited even before the banning.   BM has her issues and is not anyone I want in my life - but she pretty much invisible in our life.