Let me start out by saying my husband and I have been together for 7 yrs and married for 1.5yrs. My SS is 10 and we have a daugher who is 6.

I have seen my husband battle with his son's mother in and out of court for all of these 7 yrs we have been together. She is THEE most vendictive person. She used their son against my husband his whole life. She's told her son lies about both of us, made him lie to his dad on the phone and tell him mean things while she listened. She hates my husband b/c she kept trying to get back with him and he wouldn’t go for it and was jealous of our relationship. Years passed and they spent it in and out of court. She cried on the stand a handful of times and they denied my husband visitation and made him take parenting classes. So over the years it's been a struggle not to mention TONS of money. She was a person who liked to go out and drink and do drugs. She was drug tested and failed and the state did NOT step in. Believe that. She was also a golddigger. I could not stand her. She was a bad mother and an nutty person. She had another son also. She would let both of them do whatever they want. They have been out and about since they were 6.

Well, now that you have a little background of my situation I will update you. About a year ago she killed herself. She was depressed and went out partying and took a bunch of pills and never woke up. I feel bad for the kids. Both of them were sent to live with their dad's. Ever since he has been with us it's been a struggle. It’s like teaching him 10 yrs worth of things that he doesn’t know that is part of a normal household. She let him fail in school instead of sitting down with him so he thinks summer school is ok. I am sure she loved him, but she messed him up by doing all the things she did over the years and now we have to clean up her bad parenting mess. I couldn't believe she killed herself b/c how you could be that selfish to leave your kids behind. I know she was sick, but you are the main person in their lives and you go and do that. Instead of getting help she took the easy way out. I guess it's easier said than done, but it's just my opinion.

My daughter and SS get along ok for the most part. Other times you wanna pull your hair out. He makes fun of my daughter in a mean way, teases her, and breaks her little toys and just does little things that get annoying. You can only say stop doing that, stop doing that, STOP DOING THAT, so many times. My husband disciplines him, but he doesn't care. He lies a lot and doesn’t care about being grounded. He doesn’t care if you take his toys and if he can’t watch tv and just has to sit there. He’s lied so many times it’s just to the point that I don't care. I actually laugh b/c I know he’s lying and sometimes his father doesn’t catch on b/c he wants to believe him. I am at the point to were I want to tell my husband, this is your kid, you deal with him and I am done.

The thing that I have in my mind is that my husband and I have been through so much crap over the years and right before we got married I told myself I WILL NOT put up with anymore crap. I know through thick and thin, but man, am I running real thin. We have been happy and things are great except when it comes to my SS. I have the thoughts of I wish it would go back the way it was before he was around. I feel soooooo bad for him that he lost his mom and I feel bad that I even think what I think, but I can't help it and need to get it out. I think I am losing my mind. We wanted another baby or 2 and now it's on hold b/c we have to help him out and I am resenting him. It sounds so selfish when I say it to myself, but I feel like through our whole relationship it's been about my husband and helping him and his problems that when is it my turn to be selfish. I know my SS needs a woman in his life and people to help him through his hard time, but I am resenting him being there. On the flip side of that, he KNEW we hated his mother, so it's hard to console him when he knew we didn't care. It's like we can try, but I think it seems phony to him. I mean when he's sad my husband talks to him and hugs him and things like that, but he also takes advantage of it b/c he thinks when he is sad he can get away with stuff.

I love kids and I have never been in this situation before that I actually don't wanna be around one. I think that I am not cut out for this and keep going back in forth in my mind about what to do here. Counseling is my next step, but hearing someone else with a possibly similar story or close to it might help out.

So in a whole, my step son is mad at my daughter b/c she has been around all these years and he hasn't, so there is jealousy there. He wants to get her in trouble while being mean to her and has made her a lot meaner of a kid. She was never a mean kid. He told us that he hates our house and wants to go live with his brother. It's b/c we have rules that he doesn't like and he hates me and his dad b/c of the things his mom has told him. Eventhough he sees that we are not like that at all he still takes her words and is running with them. I am running out of patience. I know him living there is a good thing for him b/c at least he will grow up with structure. I keep trying to tell myself this is about him and he just lost his mother less than a year ago and shame on me for this being about me, but I can't help it. It's like 40 mixed emotions in 1. I am not even 30yrs old yet and I feel like I am going through the change I actually think of this DAILY. I have chest pains and sometimes don't even wanna sit at the same dinner table b/c I get annoyed with him.

I know when you marry you know the kids come along with it, but step parenting is different then reg. parenting. Any step parent will tellyou. It’s along the same lines, but it’s different in so many ways. In my case he hasn’t been over much at all his whole life so this is a whole new world to him and us. We are all adjusting, but in life there are rules and he should know these by now and he doesn't.

So I close with this; Many of us have some type of aggravation with our own kids or step kids, but don’t wanna say it outloud so we don't look like the bad guy so we type about it.

Any advice anyone has is greatly appreciated. If you have any negative comments don't even bother replying b/c I am only looking for someone who can relate or give a positive side to this.