Skid parenting tips
So I need some advice. Before dh and I got married he stated to me that in his family there are no step children, that they will accept my bios as their grandchildren, great grandchildren ect..however that's not the case for me I honestly do not feel that way. Anyways. Ever since I've met ss10 he has been an absolute handful. Talks back, doesnt listen, just generally mean. A few days ago my dd7 went to hang out with my ds in his room to play games, she took her tablet up to their room (ds and ss share a room). Ss refers to the room being split and ge has his side and ds has his. Well when ss got home, he seen where dd had plugged her tablet in and ripped the charger out of the wall causing my dd to freak out (dd7 has adhd) , when I asked him why he did that he stated it's on my side and I don't want her on my side. The only thing I said to him was that was very rude and in my house we are respectful. His comment back to me was , "this isn't just your house its daddy's too" then he continued rambling on about how he didn't want her near his stuff. - this is just one example of what I deal with and is happening on a daily basis. I tell dh , he was at work when this incident happened and he spoke with ss when he got home. But what can I do? He's to the point where when ever he brings stuff from his mother's (I've put a stop to this before and I'm most likely going to have to put my foot down agian. ) , or anything else of his , he hides it and tries to play with the other kids stuff, most of the time breaking it. Another example was him playing wall ball , with a tennis ball , throwing it towards my front porch off the siding of the house, him and my ds were doing it, I told them to stop and go somewhere else to do it, they didn't stop so I took the ball and ss threw a fit , "it's my ball you can't take it" I told dh and he sided with ss.
How should i hand the rudeness , talking back and distruction (when i send him to his room he tries to break things, hes even tried climbing out of the window). I'm at my waist end and don't know how to make things work. He wont share, breaks my bio kids toys, takes their toys to his moms and lies right to my face about it and many other things. I just feel bad for my bios , I was a single mother for a long time and taught them to share , ss wasn't taught anything like that and I'm just emotionally exhausted with it all.
Also , another example , I babysit my neighbors son after school, him , ds11 & ds4 were playing with nerf guns, on friday, my neighbors son see ss's nerf gun and picked it up to look at it and put it right back down after , ss seen him do that and picked it up to hide it in his closet saying I don't want him touching my stuff hell loose the bullets, right in front of my neighbors son. I just feel like dh tries to blame me and my bios and make it out to be my fault. Help!
Excuse the typos..
Excuse the typos...autocorrect ugh*sad*
DH is the problem here. He
DH is the problem here. He may say that everyone will be treated the same, but apparently that means that he doesn't expect any child to be parented adequately? He's the one allowing his son to be a jerk.
You can't come in to a family and take over parenting, be harder on the kids than their bio parents are, and not expect some "you aren't my mother" type of pushback. It just doesn't work.
Truly, this is an issue between you and DH. You have different expectations for parenting and kid behavior, and that needs to be sorted out in order for this marriage to survive.
I feel like dh thinks they
I feel like dh thinks they should all be parented the same way. Which doesnt work, my bios weren't raised with people yelling at them, do I have to say something twice to make them do something yes, do I have to threaten to take stuff away , yes do I have to ground them yes.
I try to talk to him and here lately he just takes up for ss, and questions what the other children were doing at that time. For example when ever I have to say something to ss he always brings the other children into it when they have nothing to do with what's going on. Dh does the same and askes me where the other children were. Just recently my dd7 was just waking up to get ready for school, shes adhd and I just finished giving her her meds and ss knew she was grouchy and didn't want to be bothered so ss thought itd be ok to stand in front of her and taunt her with toys and such almost to the point where she almost scratched him ,I intervened and told him to find something to do before we left for school, well ss was like and I quote, "what you're saying something me and not her she almost scratched me " , like I said I intervened , she didn't scratch him and I disciplined her accordingly. When I told ss that he provoked it, by not respecting her space he started running his mouth to which I then told him to wait patiently in his room until we go to school. When I told dh his first response was , what did you say to dd7? This change has just been recent with dh automatically taking up for ss, yes that's his child I get it but so is dd7. It's been hard enough handling her adhd diagnosis and figuring out what works best with her.
Whenever I talk to dh about it it's always what were the others doing, well are you sure it wasn't the others who started it blah blah then it's like he gets mad and just walks away, put places blame on me. I'm not perfect by no means, but obviously I've done something right with my bios , I always get compliments on how respectful and polite they are, I've already got a call from ds11 s teacher about how polite he is , even when out in public they hold doors open for the elderly or help them with carts and such. Ss just plows through and stares at people.
I just don't know how to communicate with dh without it being flipped on to me.
Daddy needs to turn that
Daddy needs to turn that lippy little shit over his knee, light his ass up, give him clarity and then march him to a corner to hold the intersecting walls up with his nose until Daddy gets tired.
If he doesn't, time for daddy and the lippy little shit to move out.
smh
I agree that this is a DH
I agree that this is a DH problem. SS is 7. His behavior is a result of poor parenting.
You and your DH need to get on the same page as far as behavior and discipline in the home. Did you guys talk about it much before you got married?
He's 10. But your answer is
He's 10. But your answer is still correct!
Talk
Yes we did. When all of this started dh was in denial about his son acting this way , then with time he began to accept and and started putting two and two together (apparently when dh and his ex were together she always called him bc she was having difficulty with her son and dhs son) I told him straight from the beginning how I parent and I do not accept that behavior. Now when I try to talk to him about he is constantly taking up for ss and claims I'm too soft on bios, I don't see that I am because well my bios don't talk to dh like ss talks to me. In turn I feel like dh is harder on my bios than I am on ss, he claims I've raised them to be 'softies'.
Just going to throw out, it's
Just going to throw out, it's ok to make mistakes when it comes to picking a partner. And it definately sounds like he misrepresented.
What I don't think is ok, is staying in a situation that is not good for you or your kids.
How much time have you spent discussing these issues with your husband? How long have you been married. Is your youngest child your husband's?
You mentioned you watch the neighbor kid, your kids and his after school. Are you finished with work early, or do you not work?
I have two from a previous
I have two from a previous relationship, and dh and I have two together then ss. So 5 in all. I try to talk to dh about it and like I said he takes up for ss and claims I'm too hard or acts as if I'm try to provoke (why idk) ss to act the way he does. We've been married 4 years & currently I don't work so I can get my teaching degree, I plan to go back to work next year when ds4 goes to kindergarten. I watch my neighbors son because shes in a bind and needs help and hes really a good kid.
I am glad you are working to
I am glad you are working to further your education. Very wise with how things are going.
He talks to him but that's it
He talks to him but that's it , when hes 'grounded ' he still gets tv privileges, and to go outside ...along with other stuff. I just don't know what to do and where take all of this.
Lmao. So what does the
Lmao. So what does the "grounding" consist of?
Keep escalating age
Keep escalating age appropriate consequences until you land on the magic mix that drives behavioral change.
In my turn at that age it was called Restriction. There was no outside, no TV, no playing with anything or anyone. There was school, homework and chores. If I was not doing those things I was in my room. No music, no telephone. My only option was to read. So I read. Hundreds of books. The entire Encyclopedia Brittanica, novels, text books, etc......
Exactly ! When my bios are
Exactly ! When my bios are grounded that's what they have! I take their technology, no outside, the only thing they can do really is read and color. Ss will literally walk around saying stuff like "ugh this is boring, they should be grounded too, blah blah.."
What's even worse is that about a year ago dh and I made a behavior and expectations plan, I typed it up and all. It outlines who has what chores after school, what times all devices need to be put away, responsibilities and consequences. And ss is the only one who doesnt abide by it and complains.
Another recent issue was internet usage. Ss brought his tablet home from his mother's (guess cause the one we got isn't good enough) and I forgot to add it to our Xfinity home, which monitors usage, parental control ect. He did this the week before school, the second day he was back home I remembered and logged on to add it, welll......this child, the night before was on his tablet watching videos till 1am! I went up to his room and casually asked what time he went to sleep when I told him to got bed at 9(this was the week before school so I was trying get then all on their school routines) and he just gave me a blank stare, I was like well according to my app you were up till 1am , he was like , so it's not a school night. To which I replied and said, "a 10year old has no business being up till 1am" I had to remind him about the limitations and I told him that all his devices will stop at 9 pm and he knows that it should be down stairs on the charger before then. To which he replied that's so wierd you can't do that to which I said I can and am, then he proceed to go off because the older childrens limitations are slightly later than his because you know he had to bring them in it. He asked how long thiers was on and I just bluntly said its non of your concern. My dd7 who has adhd , and strives on routines, will tell her older siblings good night and casually throw in don't forget guys our stuff will shut off soon have a good sleep.
I think I'm going to try to find some parenting classes for dh but I know hes going to flip it on me and be like you need to do this too.