You are here

Help! Dealing with Disrespectful Stepson

NY2AK's picture

I'm going crazy with my youngest stepson who is 13 years old. Between the lying, manipulative and disrespectful attitude I'm about to lose my shit. He is with us on weekends. Every single weekend we butt heads I have told him you we have simple rules which he chooses not to follow and my husband ignores it. Since I've met my stepson I noticed the are no consequences for his action he does whatever the hell he wants. At 13 years old I should not have to remind you brush your teeth,  take a shower, clean your room up. Have a schedule that's the problem I'm struggling with. There is no consistency I told him when your with us you will follow our rules, I have taken his playstation away, took his phone, I told him if you can't follow our simple rules then stay home unlike your mom and dad I don't put up with nonsense. There is zero communication with his mom the only time I hear from her is when she wants something. My husband has never put down his foot all it is is empty threats no follow through. 

I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and as a mom the hardest thing I ever had to do is admit I did more harm by my constant yelling,  screaming, empty threats and no follow through, no consequences. Since I messed up with my own children maybe that's why I am so hard on my stepson cause I see what happens when you don't give them consistency and structure. 

It's hard when his own dad refuses to discipline and every time I know he is coming to stay with us my blood pressure is high my anxiety is way up. All my husband tells me if he doesnt listen then he can stay at his mom. WTF!! He brushes everything under the rug and put blinders on. Why in God's name is your son up till 1am 2am in the morning. Sleeps till noon. Apparently he does that at his mom cause he has no rules. Why am I letting a 13 year old drive me crazy and I don't want to be around the insanity.

I am so lost. Being a stepparent is by far the hardest. Thanks for letting me vent.

tog redux's picture

Apparently you are the only one in your home who cares about the child's well-being.

Let him stay at his mother's house, that seems fine with your husband. Problem solved. It's not your job to try to save this child - focus on your own kids.

Rags's picture

I would implement mandatory shower and donning clean clothes upon Skid arrival in  your home.  They can wear them all weekend.  Send them back to BM at the end of the weekend when they are just starting to get ripe.

Lather, rinse, repeat every visitation.  Bathe, fresh clothes, and keep your home defunked.

Lizzylemon's picture

This approach works! The second sd9 comes in the door she is not allowed to touch anything and must go to the showers. She is extra smelly and dirty since bm doesn't make her shower or brush teeth while visiting her home. I also check the washer to make sure all of her nasty clothes are there so I can start the washer immediately. Her shoes must be left outside because they smell terrible.
Do this and you will at least not have the skid stench in your home. I also Lysol the house when she leaves and make her Lysol her room and bathroom. 
Dh doesn't notice the stench when she comes back from bm but I sure do!  Don't let bm house germs infiltrate your home!