It dosn't sound as though your efforts are being appreciated does it? I know how you feel I also do alot for my sd6, bf would let her stay up late, do everything for her and baby her, I've taught her manners and how to care about others feelings, I buy her food, cook it, wash and iron her clothes I do it all, bf has been disrespectful lately, I would also like some appreciation, I have threatended to leave today unless his attitude changes, I really feel for you, its so difficult when you genuinely know whats best for a child but you are powerless, bm was totally out of order, she should have admonished her daughter for the way that she spoke about you, obviously she is more worried about pissing you off than teaching her child to behave, she is scum, I hope that disengaging works for you, maybe now your hubby will appreciate just how much you do, good luck.

Hello everyone. I am new and reading through the posts this time as a proud registered member!
Boy how I identify with this. Im 8 months in and every positivs feeling I have about the future and how I can help heal is gone. They don't want to be healed, they want and choose to fester.

My SS is 10 as of yesterday and the smallest SS is 5. He is not in preschool and DH works I stay home. I keep the 5 year old all day (he SHOULD have been in preschool but biomom had custody of them until now. I had let things fester and fester until I had HAD it. The 10 year old has severe emotional sensitivity. He throws fits and cries, hates himself, projects it on everyone else. The 5 year old is severely emotionally undeveloped. He dissociates frequently, refuses to listen, was still going in his pants until recently.
Everything is a battle and I so understand where youre coming from.
I started disengaging as of recently, too.

I am so glad to find this site. I felt so guilty and alone for feeling how I do.

Now I hide and feel nasty resentment and prefer not to be around the children at all. I hate feeling the kind of negative emotions like this.
Im wondering how I am going to get through the summer
.
Im not a SD either, I was lucky in that my parents stayed together. Because of that though I cant relate, nor do they offer to help me understand it from their POV.

I wish I could offer advice but I do send you tons of positive vibes.
This stuff isn't easy. At all.
Disengaging will be easier, however I feel so withdrawn and like to hide now.
Somewhere I think I waited too long to disengage. I think my cup runneth over with scalding water.
I just want you to know I understand and am going through this too right now and send you my best!

I am a step daughter. My mom married a man with two daughters. He too didn't really do much to raise them and if I told you where they were now you might share some tears with me. My mom tried to whoop them into gear (I was naturally good until high school ) but they just ran off to their biological mother's even though she never even really wanted kids. Anyway, my stepdad is my dad to me. He has raised me like his own and we love each other dearly. Now that I have a stepson (not officially since his father and I aren't married yet but I raise him) I am BAFFLED as to how my dad did that. I have NO idea how he just accepted me as his own so easily. I too have thought about backing off and letting my stepson's dad take control but there are some downsides to that. You still have a hellion to deal with. Even if you allow the rules and enforcement of those rules to lie in the hands of the other parent, you still have to deal with the hellion those rules create when the other parent isn't around! Luckily for me my man is pretty open to the suggestions I've made and we work as a team to try to find a way to reign in our little terror but I honestly feel that if I kept my mouth shut it'd be almost unbearable to live here.

All I can say is I feel your pain.....