I just needed a place to vent. I'm a custodial step mom to a senior in high school. The crazy mom, she's not really biological thank god, they adopted her from China... but my step daughter is completely awesome (most of the time). We had a hard time of it for a long time but things are good now but this woman is getting on my last nerve.

It is Sd's senior year so of course we're looking at colleges and stuff, and this woman keeps telling SD that she MUST put her info on all the forms which is wrong of course, but it's really confusing SD.

What's worse, we had to go through a bunch of hoops to get citizenship papers finalized for my SD and bmom got mad at SD for something and essentially threatened her legal status by saying that since she did not sign anything someone might question the papers. Well she did not have to sign since this did not get done until SD was well over 16. (LONG STORY with crappy court system that involves SD being moved and going to over 20 schools before we finally got custody when SD was half way through with 9th grade)

Anyway what kind of mom threatens their child's legal status. Unfortunately SD has been brainwashed over the years and while she's way better now the issue of college is a really hard one on us all due to the mom's brainwashing of SD making her think she's going to an ivy league college. SD is smart, but she doesn't score high enough on standardized tests to get a scholarship and we cannot afford it. The mom is always telling SD that if she had gotten to move (again) to TN and get "free" college all this would be cured and that is of course, Daddy's fault completely.

Anyway as SD ages she realizes this stuff is not true, but sometimes when it comes to college I can tell she almost does believe her mom. I'm having to fight tooth and nail to make sure all this is done accurately without this person's interference and it's getting on my last nerve. This woman is not involved in anything but does all this via email or facebook. I just can't wait till SD is out of high school and we aren't forced to deal in any way with that woman. I am tired of having to PROVE to my SD that I'm not trying to screw her out of college but that we have to be realistic about WHERE.

...ie....
it must be a state college and if she wants to live outside this house she must get scholarships -- nothing out of the ordinary really when you think of it -- but this woman has brainwashed this poor child to believing that just because she's Chinese she is so smart and can go to Harvard or Vanderbilt and if she doesn't she's a failure or it's all your dad's fault. ARG

So my SD thinks we're holding her back, sometimes, other times she realizes the truth but it is a constant battle. The bmom won't talk to either me or my husband the dad about anything whatsoever so that is out of the question. I refuse to send messages through SD to the mom so we just tell SD that everything is fine, we'll always do the right thing by her.

It's been a struggle the last four years due to bmom saying that my husband was abusive, even throwing him in jail under false allegations, and all sorts of horrible things. We've over come those bad days and things have been good with this woman being essentially out of the picture for the last three years until this year. I think she's actually trying to hurt my SD since me and SD have become quite close. Once SD even asked me to adopt her but when she realized that she'd have to go to court and face bmom she said she could not do it.

I've learned over the years the horrible existence they had together running from the law, and moving from school to school, including even physical abuse by the bmom, and it amazes me how sometimes SD still believes bmom or questions her father and I on our loyalty to her. I don't get it. I don't have that kind of power over my own children.

Anyway thanks for the vent! I know it's all going to turn out fine. It's just in the meantime it causes my SD tons of pain when her mom is so awful that it becomes obvious she did not adopt her for the right reasons. It makes me question our adoption system too since this woman abandoned her own birth children before she adopted my SD! She's also OBVIOUSLY mentally ill or something... I don't know how secure this board is, if I find it's pretty secure I could share some issues and letters from that woman that will make your skin craw.