DH ex is a $$ hungry b!#@$
My husband and I got married 2 July 14. He left for 6 months on a deployment on 17 July 14. We have a very solid relationship which makes a very solid marriage. His ex (She) doesn't bother me very much but the things she tries does. He is making SLIGHTLY more money being deployed but its not a whole hell of a lot. She thinks she can take him back to court to first get child support raised because we are married and well there is more income in our home (well in Florida she can't.) Then she thinks because he is deployed and makes slightly more money for a short amount of time.. she can get more money. Well she can't. She throws in his face ALL THE TIME how her fiancé/boyfriend guy has help her financially cause my husband won't. She gets $600 a month for a four year old. Not our fault she gets $113 from the first baby daddy (not my husbands responsibility). I offered recently to try to help her with my stepdaughters gymnastics and such. She believes her girls absolutely must have the latest and greatest of everything period. So much so that for my stepdaughters birthday in Oct my husband needs to buy the other child a gift too (you know to be fair and stuff). My stepdaughter got another for the first child's birthday this year. Matter of fact my mother in law made a skirt for my stepdaughter just because she could and was told she had to make one for the other child to be fair. Anyway. I asked the ex to call me to discuss me helping. No response. This is from a young woman who is ALWAYS asking for $$. 5 weeks later I send a text asking to discuss it again. She tells me she now must get my husbands permission to discuss with me , me paying for anything for my stepdaughter. What? She doesn't have her boyfriend ask my husbands permission before he spends a dime on my stepdaughter. What gives? So I said eff it. I'm not helping this difficult bitch.
Well now my husband and I are talking about having a baby in a year or two. I'm worried that if we have a baby we aren't going to be able to afford a baby with him paying $600 a month for 1 child. I've been told that if we do have a baby we can get the CS modified because now he has a new baby to support... but SHE is threatening to take him back to court for more CS cause he got a whole whopping $110 a month raise and she wants some of it. What to do?!
Sorry- my stepdaughter got
Sorry- my stepdaughter got NOTHING for her sisters birthday in May.***
Sorry- my stepdaughter got
Sorry- my stepdaughter got NOTHING for her sisters birthday in May.***
Just ignore her and let her
Just ignore her and let her be dumb about the money...you said yourself she isn't going to get it. I know it's annoying as heck...trust me, I've dealt with it off and on for four years. But the ignore button will be your best friend in years to come.
Also, just some honest advice, take it or leave it...NEVER offer to pay for anything regarding your stepkid, ESPECIALLY while she is in her mother's care. You are just asking to have your ass handed to you.
IMHO it all depends on the
IMHO it all depends on the timing of the last CS modification. In most states CS can only be reviewed for modification every 2 years or on a significant change of circumstance. If there has been a CS review within the last two years (check your stat's CS regulations to confirm the CS modification timing) Depending on DHs pay increase it may or may not qualify as a significant change in circumstance.
As Ditz said, call your lawyer and have DH take due diligence to report his change of circumstances to the proper authorities to avoid getting crossed with either the Military or the courts. Better to be proactive and negate BM's manipulative drama than to give her the soap box and moral high ground.
As much as the CP side of a blended family equation wants to believe that they are entitled to ever more money from the NCP side of the equation and as much as the NCP side wants to believe that the CP side are money grubbing manipulators reality is somewhere in the middle. However, an absolute truth is that the side with the strongest knowledge and understanding of the CO, any supplemental county rules for the county were the CO is issued, and the state and national CS statutes holds the advantage.
So, get copies of the CO, any supplemental rules or statutes that apply to the jurisdiction where the CO is issued and learn them inside-out, upside down, backwards, and forwards. Once you do, it becomes fairly easy to smack the opposition around the head and shoulders with the facts (figuratively of course) and to avoid any major surprises.
I am the Step Dad in our blended family adventure and both my wife and I kept copies of the CO, supplemental rules, state regs, etc… in our desks at our two offices as well as at our home office. When my Skid’s Sperm Clan would start crap we were ready. My bride would conference me in to the call and I would IM or email her specific references from the CO/etc… so she could shred them in real time as they were on their toothless moronic rants and manipulations. If we were at home when the Sperm Clan called to start shit I would man the file cabinet and give her information while she addressed them and took notes from the speaker phone. Barring their idiot asses became a sport that we were very, very good at.
Good luck and please thank your DH for his service for me.
I have nothing more to add
I have nothing more to add than all the helpful advice given but wow....she is one sick bitch. Going after more money while he is deployed, it's disgusting. Like oh hey, I don't care that you are risking your life, but I just want your wallet, thanks! Jesus christ I would like to slap her around for you.
Don't expect to get a
Don't expect to get a reduction in CS payments just because you decide to start a family. It's not BM's idea for her ex husband to take on more responsibility. Should your husband pay more because BM decided to have a baby? Same thing reversed.
Don't have a baby anyway. Your situation is precarious to start with and a baby will not make it more stable. Perhaps after 2 or 3 years you can think about it. Even then it could trigger a reaction in the BM who may still consider him a part of her life despite his recent marriage. It may be just his deployment that has postponed her reaction to his marriage. A ex's marriage is often a trigger which really brings out the crazy.
Absolutely perfect advice
Absolutely perfect advice IMHO. Never, ever, under any circumstance pay one fraction of a penny more than CS or what is ordered in the CO. Not when the opposition is crying because they can't affort the visitation plane tickes, not when the Skid is crying because the adults in the blended family opposition load the kid with guilt about how the Skid's younger half sibs are all starving, going to school naked, have holes in their shoes, are sick and can't go to the doctor, etc, etc, etc... all because of the childsupport they have to pay for the Skid, not when the CP is crying that they can't do this, that, or the other thing because the NCP is only paying for CS and not for XYX&LMNOP.......
Sure sometimes the CO is not fair or equitable but ultimate power and peace of mind is found it the realization that the CO is the CO, CS is what it is and complying with both, no more and no less, filters out all of the drama and bullshit. At least as much of it as possible.
Best advice ever. Very SM
Best advice ever. Very SM should post this on her mirror. Yep.
She won't make more money.
She won't make more money. Child support is calculated based on what the person is expected to make in that State according to his or her occupation or education, not according to temporary fluctuations.
Also, if she does take him back, request that he make up extra parenting time during the time he is back in town, and she pay him support. I know a few guys that did this and the exes never tried this again.
And buying things for the other kid? Say WHAAAAAAAT? She nauseates me. About age 8, the kid will understand that her mother is a loser and user and will not want much to do with her. I have seen it first hand many times.
I have no comment on anything
I have no comment on anything besides you saying he isn't making a heck of a lot more money while he's deployed. Lol. You make a heck of a lot more money while you're deployed. Tax free, family separation allowance, hazardous duty pay, combat zone pay....that is quite a lot of extra money. Usually for a junior enlisted/NCO/SNCO anywhere from 33-50% more pay.
The only way it would only be a little extra would be if you were making bank to begin with, and I'm guessing if your DH was an 0-6 he'd be paying a lot more child support per month than he is now....
Oh god I truly wish we made
Oh god I truly wish we made even an extra $600 a month for him being gone lol. He gets $133 family sep that's it. Woopeee do! NO HOSTILE fire. None. He is not in a location to is deemed 'hostile'. No combat area. Trust me, we didn't get married for the money. Why guys make so much on deployment is because they aren't spending money. Think about daily living expenses... erase them. That's why they 'make money'.
Already talked to lawyer. She won't get a dime more cause he is deployed. Its a temporary increase in pay (a whopping $230 or so a month!) And not what his 'normal' pay is. He would have to make an extra $660 more a month (permanent) for her to get an extra $50...but she is so desperate for money she would prob do it.