Why can’t I bring myself to leave?!
Since I last posted that I was leaving, I managed to get talked out of it, put up with more crap and now SDs 8&5 are worse than ever, BM has started getting away with more crap and doesn't do what we ask when it comes to the girls. SD 8 has started lying and swearing to God she's telling the truth when we have PROOF she's lying. I can tell her "I saw you with my own two eyes" or "I have the text from your teacher that you have homework tonight" and she'll stick to her bullshit lie. Once she gets herself worked up into a crying fit, she'll flinch and scream like I'm going to beat her black and blue when all I do is point to the corner and tell her "Time Out. Now". She's also been doing dumb and dangerous shit that risks my 3yo son getting hurt like standing on the porch steps and grabbing my son by his shirt and pulling him off the back porch that is about 5 feet off the ground or pushing "guiding" him down the stairs in our home. He's 3. He can't go up and down stairs as fast as an older kid. He's gotten multiple bruises on his head and body from the times she's "helped" him down the stairs. She'll yell to her sister in public that "If we don't listen, she's going to beat us!" She's even started yelling "Mommy and Daddy will beat us!" SD5 is picking up on SD8's behavior and started excessive lying and doing things that hurt my son. BM let's SD8 go outside without bug spray after we ask her to spray the girls since SD8 has bug bites and scars on her legs from over two months ago from when BM took them swimming in a nasty creek in the woods. On top of all this, I'm currently 7 months pregnant with our second son! I don't need this kind of stress all the time. My doctor is worried about my stress levels and the pain it causes and how it could affect my pregnancy. I'll be dammed if my baby or my 3 yo gets hurt because of those 2 little brats and their egg donor. I know it's bad to say but I truly HATE my stepdaughters.
Fear is usually what keeps
Fear is usually what keeps people stuck.
Why do you have to parent these kids? Let him do it.
He does
He does when he's not at work. But when he does, it's hours after the incident and has proven ineffective multiple times. He doesn't put his foot down with BM unless we have a huge fight about it, then he "handles it" dismissively. When he disciplines his girls, they it's always hours later (sometimes next day), punishment is ineffective and extremely lenient and their behavior gets worse then I end up exploding because I'm tired of all the disrespect. He only disciplines like he should when he feels he could lose me because of the girls. But then the babying afterwards wipes away any chance of it getting the lesson in their heads
We really need to create a thread on when/how to leave.
I think hearing stories of how other have done it could be very helpful.
The concept of the Exit Strategy was new to me when I joined ST, and it changed my thinking about leaving relationships from the emotional to the practical. Every woman should have one prepared, especially in steplife because of how complicated it is.
Looking back on my own parents' divorce, I can see that my mother had started leaving my dad long before the split formally happened. If the idea of leaving right now is too scary, you can still make the decision that you ARE going to leave, and start the process now. Start making copies of all important documents and squirreling away money. Make valuables gradually disappear while your SO is at work, and store them with your paperwork somewhere safe outside the home. Start journaling. Record all instances of inappropriate skid conduct and aggression against your bio. Take pictures of the injuries, and document how your SO failed to parent. You need gather plenty of data that demonstrates your bios are in danger around the skids and your SO doesn't protect them.
Many women have been where you are, and had to play the long game in order to get out. I just googled "How to leave your husband with no money" and found some great advice. Find all the resources available near you, consult with a few attorneys, and just keep working The Plan. You're strong, and you can do this.
The first thing you need to do is to protect your 3 year old.
The first thing you need to do is to protect your 3 year old. I know it will be difficult, but he cannot be around the girls unless you are right there. His sister is doing things to him that could really get him hurt. This needs to be your hill to die on. The next time you decide to leave, remember all the bruises on your child and see if that will give you the strength.
You cannot risk having either
You cannot risk having either of your SD's in your home... ever. They are a danger to your young child(ren) and are a huge risk to your retaining custody of your own children with the lies about being beaten.
What will it take for you to make a move? Your 3yo or your new born being taken from you or hurt or killed by the hell spawned genetic slag from your DH's prior failed family?
Do not wait for the baby to be born. Get your toddler and leave. Call the best, nastiest, killer attorney in your market and protect yourself and your kids from the shallow and polluted half of their gene pool.
ACT >>>>>> NOW!
Your DH may "parent" when he is not at work but that parenting is completely ineffective if these young harpies are behaving as you describe. He needs to to what the older one fears and beat her ass with a belt for her crap, endangering his todler son, and polluting her younger sister with the lies, violence and evil toxic crap. Quit breeding with this failed husband, failed man and failed father and take care of yourself and your own children. His failed parenting has gone on far too long and you need to do whatever you can, within the law, to prevent him from screwing up your two young ones.
IMHO of course.
Take care of you, take care of your kids.