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Week on week off Dad?? Nooooo

papayag's picture

Submitted by papayag on Thu, 09/02/2021 - 5:14pm

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Blended Family Issues

So I had my first baby a couple of months ago. I've noticed that when my SD, grade 2, comes over my DH seems to sort of stop engaging with the baby, in favor of his daughter. He's always really doted on her, and I was curious how adding another child  would modify the dynamic. Seems like it hasnt been modified.  This leaves me to take care of a baby and wonder if me and my kids are going to have a week on week off Dad in addition to stepdaughter ....

Has this happened to anyone? Any tips for this not to turn into a really unhealthy dynamic? How to frame it gently for DH? Lol.

Part of the problem is that my husband can't do much for the baby other than bounce it, carry it around etc at the moment. SD lacks independence and is domineering, coupled with lingering guilt and fear of child wanting to live with mother full time is the recipe for getting my baby's bonding months railroaded by a bossy child.  DH also thinks he's shielding me from being pushed over the edge by the mini-boss by taking the brunt of it but it would be simpler just to parent more firmly (easier said than done in our house) 

Anyways....hope everyone's back to schools aren't too painful. Godspeed!

 

 

 

 

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Sat, 09/04/2021 - 6:17pm

So while I did not have this problem when BS was born, I know of others that have had this problem and it simply worked its way out. In the first year the dad kind of just let mom deal with the baby and have that one-on-one time while he dealt with the other older child because they are capable of being entertained whereas a newborn tend to just cry, sleep and poop. Once the baby was bigger and could crawl/interact more with dad then he would take care of both together. 

On my side of things, my DH loves the little baby stage but mostly he loved getting to enjoy BS's baby stage with a partner that wasn't trying to steal all the "1st Moments" from him or constantly arguing over every little thing that has to do with parenting him. I would be the planner and would plan fun things for him and SS to do, me and SS to do, all four of us and then just me, dh and SS so that he would get a variety of attention and not feel any of the jealousy that can come with having a new sibling.