this may be longer due to the fact i want to make sure all information is detailed and accurate. my now husband and i have been together for over 6 years, olny moving into together in the last 2 years. he has two children g12 b10, i have g12, b9. we have had issues with blending our families but have sought professional advice and things have been much much better. the daughter i used to have issues with is now my "bestie" (her term) the son is the issue now. he is very very pampered at his mothers house, (we have them almost half time) the boy gets away with EVERYTHING, step father agrees and complains about the mother also. he has always been a sensitive, mommies boy (bad way to describe but the only way it shows the true description) he never had any problems coming to our house however over the last couple of months he has been upset about coming over. a few weeks ago, he started crying for his mother, hysterically. my husband stuck in his heels and said too bad he was not leaving. i convinced him that he should go see her, he was suffering and it was so sad. there was no need for him to be that upset when he could go and see her. (her response to his phone call should have been to calm him down and try to foster the dad relationship) that didnt occur, she immediately accused us of "being on at him" SO
he left that night. the next time he was here overnight, he started getting very upset that he didnt speak to his mom (3 hours since he had seen her) now he doesnt want to come here and stay over anymore...
SO i have tried to make my husband understand that this is a phase he is going through and he should not be made to come here because he will end up hating us. (not sure if this is correct) BUT now he is lying to his mother about things that do not happen here or things he doesnt agree with, such as having table manners, not leaving his room before 7 am (he turns lights on and disturbs the household at 5am, his room is equiped with everything found in the rest of the house) not speaking to people like dirt, not speaking and whining like a baby. these behaviours are accepted at his mothers. i realize life is very different here for him, he is perceiving it as horrible compared to the pampering he receives over there.the sister dislikes him because the mother openly favours him.
my question is "do we force him to come here or let him do what he wants and stay with his mother??" i feel horrible he is so upset to leave her however he is now causing and lying about issues that just are not true. he is trying to convince her why he should not come here, she is believing all of it and happy he doesnt want to come here. talking to her is no help, she doesnt listen or care to listen to anyone about him.

thank you teri