sd3 doing a school concert! Worried about future mil and bm reaction if I attend!!!
My future mother-in law mentioned today that my step daughter(her grandaughter) is having a concert at her pre-school. Although she never said it directly I assumed that because she had mentioned it to me that she would like her son(my fiance) and I to attend.
When my fiance came off of work this evening he mentioned the concert to me and continued to remind me that it falls on my own parents wedding anniversary. He then continued to say that if I wanted to I could go with OUR 6month old daughter to my parents while he goes with his parents to attend the concert.
I said I'd think about it because even though I love my parents dearly, I feel that building a relationship with my step daughter and showing my support is just as important. This may however be the first time in almost a year that I actually get to meet my step daughter's biological mother and I'm extremely nervous!
Is there any advice for my situation. Do I be pushy and go to the concert and face the possibility of awkward first time meetings and uncomfortable conversations. Or do I play it safe and go to my parents!!!
If there is no ill feeling
If there is no ill feeling between you and the BM. Why wouldn't you go. The only reason not to go is if there is tension between you and her. Then leave it alone. The concert for the child should not be a battle ground for the adults.
Yeah, the first big question
Yeah, the first big question is, how is your r/s with BM? My SD3 is having a dance recital soon, I would LOVE to go, but I wont, I'm incredibly sad that I'll miss out, but BM doesn't want me in her DD's life, gosh, she threw a wobbly over me french braiding SD's hair! I don't think it's cool to shove my presence in BM's face when I know it only causes issues. I'll have to settle for watching it on video
If there are no problems with the BM, then tell your DH that it was really nice of him to think of your parents anniversary, but you would love to attend SD's concert instead
Thanks for the response and
Thanks for the response and just to be clear. I have never met the BM and my future MIL really doesn't make much of an effort to introduce us officially. If there are any hidden agendas they are jus that!!! I really want to meet her and I have expressed this to my MIL and fiance!! I think it would be safer to go but without my little girl, give my mom an anniversary pressie of baby sitting those few hours!!!
I'm not sure the little
I'm not sure the little girl's concert is the best place to meet for the first time. People aren't always at their best when put on the spot.
How is I your MIL's place to
How is I your MIL's place to formally introduce you. I can't imagine how she would do that. Your husband needs to sort this out. He needs to let his former wife know you would like to come, he needs to see how that flies for the sake of his daughter, so there are no "surprises" on the night for BM, and if you go, you need to take your child along. You and your child are a package deal. I agree though with another poster though, if you go, remember you are on BM's turf.
However, if this is a big anniversary for your parents, then I think you should attend that. ie: 30th, 40th, and so forth.
Thanks!!! All this advice is
Thanks!!! All this advice is so helpfull. I'm thinking of things that I never would have otherwise!!!
I agree that I should be my bf place to introduce BM and myself. But the fact of the matter is when their relationship fail he kinda with drew and his mother was the one who kept contact with BM for the sake of him seeing his child.
As far as the best place to meet BM goes!! I don't when I may get another opportunity to do so. BM rarely drops SD for visitation. SDs other grandparents drop her or DHs parents usually go fetch her. But I understand the part that the concert hall is her turf. It was my idea to be polite and friendly such I decide to go. I want to get to know BM I want to talk to her about SD. I want to reassure her that I'm here to help. Because for some reason every time I mention meeting DH ex he tells me he'll see what he can do but nothing ever comes of it!!!
I love MY family and would prefer being with them on their anniversary even though its just an inbetween number.
With all due respect, your
With all due respect, your boyfriend needs to man up now. He has a new partner in his life. He needs to find out where his ex stands on meeting you. He cannot be leaving things to mummy. His ex may want to meet you, she may not. I don't know how she would take to your reassurance either to be honest. Is that necessary. You may think do, she may not. Your first meeting wth her should be nothing more than a meet and greet, pleasantries. If she has questions she has a right to ask you as her child will be in your care, but I wouldn't be putting myself out there and saying anything other than nice to meet you, great weather, idle chit chat stuff.
Right now it seems you are not having any problems with her. Don't go out of your way to create any.
If your partner is hesitant to set up a meeting. Maybe he knows best. Maybe he has his reasons. Be careful, you don't want to open a Pandora's box. There's an old saying. Don't wish too hard for what you want, you just might get it.
You're totally right!! And I
You're totally right!! And I had a sit down conversation with DH explaining my feelings about going and he did it!! He asked his ex if she minded if I attend. She answered saying that we(baby and myself) are is family too he's welcome to bring us!!
Crossed fingers for friday then and for finding that perfect out fit!!!
There you go then. All the
There you go then. All the best for Friday. Not all exes are out of their tree. Don't go out with the intentions of making her you BFF, just aim for a civil pleasant relationship and take it from there. Hope this all turns out wonderful for you. And you don't need that perfect outfit. You are not her competition, she is not yours.