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SD12 constantly asking her dad questions

Focusonthepos's picture

Submitted by Focusonthepos on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 3:07pm

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Blended Family Issues

It might just be because her mom is a dimwit who doesn't have any good knowledge to share, but when SD12 is with us she is constantly asking her dad questions about the world around us/random things/science/movies/facts that always gets them into a long 1-1 conversation. Even if I chip in to the Convo, i always end up feeling left out. My hubby loves to teach people things and it just ends up with the two of them in what seems like lessons. 

I don't think she does this intentionally but it always keeps her as the center of her dad's attention which can be irritating if I just want to relax or talk to him myself. 

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 3:49pm

How often is she with you?

We had my SD every other weekend and these kinds of things just didn't bother me. She deserved time with her dad. However, I was never made to feel left out, had I wanted to join the conversation. That is not right.

Your husband needs to be inclusive, and in doing so, teach his daughter about including you (or anybody who is in the room) in the conversation.

As in any family situation, if you want to just talk to him yourself, it's best to wait until SD is doing something in her room or she goes to bed.

I know you feel that it sucks but the fact that she still wants to talk to him is a plus. And, if her mom is a dimwit, your DH should be the one talking to her and teaching her things. Life things. Like how to be independent when she grows up, instead of a layabout in your basement.

 

Focusonthepos's picture

Submitted by Focusonthepos on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 4:06pm

We have her every Sunday for 8 hours, every Thursday for 5 hours, and then every other Saturday she sleeps over from 12 PM into Sunday. 

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 4:02pm

SD11 used to do this when she was younger. But more of a "I'll say anything to get your attention even though I already know the answer." 

She was 10 asking "what day comes after Sunday?" *eyeroll* THAT kind of dimwit stuff.

I agree above that DH should be teaching her conversational skills though. How to listen, wait to respond, don't interrupt, staying on topic, etc. etc. I would bring this up to him. 

Left out mama's picture

Submitted by Left out mama on Sun, 08/15/2021 - 10:11am

Yep. Sounds familiar.

the constant need for attention and the helpless act is so friggen annoyin

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 9:35pm

My SD would always ignore my attempts to chip into conversations and just talk to DH. He was always her resident expert on everything. It's very normal but very annoying. She's there to see him not you, I try to remember that even though ignoring a person is very rude.

One day she came to our house with homework that was relevant to my field of work, and I just pretended not to hear her reading the question :) 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 08/15/2021 - 3:37pm

That so many in blended marriages ascribe to the "they are here to see the SO and not us" model has always been one of those things that make me go hmmmmm?

Since equity life partners are at each other's side through life, guess what, the Skid time with our partner is skid time with us.  Not abdicating any space at my mates side or her at mine is a hill I will die on every time.  That said, I happily give her whatever space she wants to have personal friendships, etc... as she does for me.  But, we make our lives together as equity life partners and no other relationship displaces that absolute fact.

A visiting kid must integrate and engage not only with the bio parent in the blended family, they must integrate and engage with anyone else in the blended family as well.  They should not be given any choice. And neither should their bio parent who is in an equity life partnership with a SParent.

IMHO of course.