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Dear Husband telling me I'm crazy for paying for great niece to go to neice's wedding

goodwitch's picture

I know everyone will get a kick out of this one.

1st I raised my neices off and on because mom is a drug addict--anyone who has had this awful experience knows the courts always hope and give the kids back because it is mom after all.  Anyway most of their lives I had my two neices both good girls one 36 and the other 39, and I have 3 "grandchildren" two girls and a boy.  The sisters are close and the youngest is getting married in Hawaii and her neice and her daughter's cousin wants to go.  Her mom my oldest said they couldn't afford it.  And so Auntie (me) said I'd pay for it, there was a lot of crying and I'm sure more snot then we want to know, she is a 14 year old girl.  She gets good grades, never asks for anything and takes care of her younger brother.  Her mom could pay for it but is more like my sister than I care to admit, so the youngest neice has mostly raised her.  I'm sure you see some of the picture.

Well in our house the way the money is done is it all comes in, I make more about 40% more, but all the bills are paid, fully fund all retirement accounts including Roths, then what is left over is divided into 1/3's.  1/3 into household fund, then the remaining goes 1/3 to my account and 1/3 his account.  We call is Luxury bucks and the deal is if you want to buy a 1000 pixie sticks with your lux bucks then so be it the other has no say.  This was mainly set up because of his Disney Dad ways and there needed to be a limit.  But your lux bucks pays your meals out, with others not together, same with other things like movies etc, and clothing--I'm sure you get the picture.  Because he was taking his daughter to more expensive meals than me.  When Lux bucks came into play that stopped, he started taking her to Carl's Jr.  It was funny he is pretty stingy with his lux bucks and is doing Glider lessons. 

So on our walk this evening I said I was paying for the Hawaii plane ticket--out of my Lux bucks.  And he railed about how stupid that is and how her mother should pay or she shouldn't go or the youngest should get married at the court house.  I said you mean stupid like sending money to your daughter who moved to Seattle with no job?  Dead silence and he said it is the same category.  Couldn't help myself...I said no your daughter is 26 and should be paying her way my grand neice "grand daughter" is 14.  And BTW I'm buying her a car when she turns 16 too just FYI.  Oh that was funny too, his daughter went through 2 cars, son 3 that he bought.  He said she should buy her own car, I said oh really, we are not going there.

Then I announced I'm paying for college just like we did your kids...oh the look it was hysterical.  

Just had to share, the grumbiling about how it will be a long time before he can get a Glider...had to explain without me he wouldn't even have Glider lessons.  

Can't help myself I am just find it too funny and had to share. 

notasm3's picture

Omg - how can these parents find fault with how you spend YOUR money unless it is spent enabling their crotch droppings. 

Thank goodness my DH has enough sense to STFU with regard to anything I spend my money on. 

sandye21's picture

This is SOOO great!  LOL  Odd how things change when the situation is the same - but 'different' when it is your family instead of SD.

For years after DH and I got married (I made about 40% more than he did too) we both paid for everything for SD and her Husband.  SD was making more than DH but if we spent the weekend with them we paid for their hotel room.   They couldn't even squeeze out a tip when we paid for SD's Husband to eat the most expensive thing on the menu.  Gifts for SD were expensive.   We bought SD an opal ring for her birthday while DH gave me a certificate for an oil change for mine.  Every time DH pulled out his credit card in front of SD he puffed up with pride - he could show off for his 'little girl'.  After one particularly stingy weekend with SD I decided I was done with the double standard.  I suggested he buy for SD with his money and I buy for my family with mine.  It was no time at all before DH started cutting back and stopped pulling out his credit card.  Amusing to say the least.  LOL

Curious Georgetta's picture

Making decisions about your personal resources. Remind him that you do not question how he spends his personal resources and that you expect to be treated with the same courtesy.

Remind him that he is your partner and not your parent and you do not need lectures from him about your personal spending preferences.  I would remind him of the meaning of Luxury Bucks and let him know in a very stern manner that We are never again to have a discussion about how you choose to spend your Luxury Bucks, and of course, you will afford him the same courtesy as to the expenditure of his Luxury Bucks.