SD Leaving for Good but considering if I should too!
News has been surfacing that SD(11) is moving to another country with BM. SD(11) just keeps talking about how excited she is about it and learning the new language. Obviously, she doesn't give a crap about leaving daddy behind and her half-brother.
At first I was a bit disappointed she was leaving but close friends and family have been telling me to get her off my hair... and I can't agree any more. I've been with her dad for 8 years and the majority of the times have really been stressful with her behavior (along with child support for her and another child of his.) There have been a lot of ups and downs with dad's disciplining and I never have really seen him take control.
She is reaching those teen years and she is really taking after her mom's sarcasm and ungratefulness. I am contemplating telling DH, that she is becoming one of those children that just cares for what daddy can offer and gang up with mommy. She makes a lot of comments that she would rather be at her mom's house when we don't have a DVD she likes at our home, we take her to a restaurant she doesn't like, or buy her ice cream at a place she doesn't want.
Yesterday we went out to dinner at Bonefish Grill (which was her favorite last week) and she was complaining that she would not have came to have dinner if she knew we were going there again. She made a big deal about ordering her food and we she ordered lamb chops she just nibbled it and complained that it wasn't good because it had BBQ sauce. The food went to waste and hubby encouraged I eat it! I said "no! I didn't order that!" And SD just loves picking off our plate after she sees we ordered something she likes.
Also on the way to Bonefish Grill, she called my husband a "Stupid daddy" and my STUPID HUSBAND pretends he doesn't hear it. She makes arguments in the car and my husband just argues back with her like a child instead of taking authority. It's sickening!
It looks like she might be leaving for good although I can't guarantee she is. Regardless, I am really considering just dipping on out of this relationship with DH. I just think that it's never going to get better as she grows into an adult. Considering that she just uses her dad for her convenience, she's going to be a never-ending nightmare and her future children.
During our dinner last night I got upset and told her that she is acting "ill manner-ed and her comments are big no-nos" then I turned over to DH and said "You need to control of that." but that was the end of that. I wanted to have a serious talk about it but I know DH will just shun it off and say "oh she is leaving soon" or "she doesnt spend much time with me so I try to not to give her a bad time when she's over."
I did the "you will not talk
I did the "you will not talk to my husband like that" speech to SS when he was about 25. He was being a jerk. Boy did he shut up quick.
To be honest I didn't even think for a second before it spewed out of my mouth. Nobody is rude to my husband in my home.
Of course SS30 is now just totally out of my life.
We never dared call my mom
We never dared call my mom "stupid" or anything insulting. I made the mistake once to call her a "B" when I was a teen and she slapped my mouth so hard I bled a little bit. And I deserved it!
Whether you leave this guy or
Whether you leave this guy or not your toddler with him will still be involved with both his/her father and the half sister. If the SD leaves the country or not your DH will still be obligated to the SD.
The other thing to consider is what kind of father he will make your own child? He doesn't see his first daughter often, doesn't discipline her and appears to not care she's leaving the country. Most fathers' wouldn't assuming their kid is leaving for good. Why isn't he figuring out visitation and traveling plans for future visits if not actually challenging the move?
Shortly after their divorce,
Shortly after their divorce, he had to leave the state and attend to business matters for a couple years. During those times, he did travel down to visit his daughter and she came to visit for vacations as well. I don't really think that is much a concern as I'm sure they will stay in touch and SD will come over for school breaks. That's something I'm dreading, considering she will be the exact replica of her mother by then.
Everything is PERFECT with DH
Everything is PERFECT with DH when she's not around! That's why I've held on so long. But I just don't know if things will get better or worse. SD said they will return to USA if things don't work out for them. Not to mention, she will probably be staying with us for breaks. Or who's to say when she reaches 18 she won't come back and try to move in with us? Or like my mom says, get pregnant with a loser boyfriend and try to live off us!? My DH would be a sucker for the grandkids.
Or maybe I'm pessimistic and I'll never see her again!
That's the question I guess!
Or who's to say when she
Or who's to say when she reaches 18 she won't come back and try to move in with us? Or like my mom says, get pregnant with a loser boyfriend and try to live off us!?
You let it be known ahead of time that either of the above is not an option.
I don't mind because when it
I don't mind because when it comes to MY SON, I discipline him correctly and DH doesn't get involved in the matter. He knows I do the child rearing for our biological and respects that. I don't discipline SD because she's not my daughter and I don't think I have much authority over that issue. But her ingratitude, sarcasm and threats need to be dealt on behalf of her dad when she has visitation with us.
I hope DH grows up someday and realizes she's just using him for her convenience and doesn't care to spend time with him. Despite the fact he's been a Disney dad all throughout his life and always financially supported her.
He could discipline my son
He could discipline my son (and he has lightly on occasion by placing him in time out.) But if he's going to discipline my son he sure as hell discipline his daughter. My son behaves better than her even though he's far younger. So she basically comes over and destroys the peace in our house. I think he should be taking control of that since he's the one who brings her over on his behalf.
Whatever the case we just got
Whatever the case we just got in an argument this afternoon about a similar matter. He randomly started criticizing my family which has nothing to do with our problems. So in anger I told him to take a look at his own and let him have it. I told him that his daughter only cares for him when its to her convenience and that it will bite him in the ass when she becomes an adult. She doesn't care about him and has stated numerous times she would rather be with her mother but he chooses to cover his ears. I finished saying that I am not going to stick around and also let my son see him prioritizing people (BM and SD) that could care less about him. Grow up and open your eyes!
I emphasized my anger with several ugly curse words, but that's the clean version. Feeling bad I let it rip, but also feeling free that I put it out there. :?
The argument started because he has mentioned to me that his ex wife has told him she doesn't need child support from him and that if she had it her way she wouldn't allow her daughter to be with him. He's so stupid he believes and defends that. However, she drops her daughter off any chance she gets at my husband's work so she can do her own thing. Then I found out on my own that she requested a child support modification for more CS money. It's all fine and dandy, but don't lie and pretend you could care less for visitation and CS when it's obvious you do. But most importantly, my DH is so ignorant he believes those statements and tries to put her on a pedestal because she's a women who doesn't care for money.
Ex-wife on a pedestal? Oh,
Ex-wife on a pedestal? Oh, dear, this cannot end well. Sorry you're going through this.