Please help!!!
I am a sort of SP, I guess. I have two BC from a previous marriage, a DD12 and a DS10. My BF and I have been together for 3 years, we have a BS2 together, and he has 2 BC from a previous marriage as well, DD7 and DS5. We have been cohabbing for 2 years, our BS2 obviously lives with us full time, and we have visitation with all other children on weekends and over summer vacations.
I am a stay at home mom, which means I am primary parent to ALL children every day. My boyfriend works, and when he comes home, he does absolutely no parenting what-so-ever...not even to his own children. I am the disciplinarian, which makes me numero uno bad guy all the time. We have set rules in our home, but his DD7 refuses to follow any of them. She refuses to listen to either one of us, and I think that it is because her father doesn't parent at all. This last week she was here, she started her usual nonsense...not following the rules and not listening. Before noon I had already talked to her about listening when people talk to her. We went to the swimming pool, where she knows she's not supposed to dive in head first (it's the pool rules for safety) but she does it anyway. When she comes up to the surface, I asked her to read the sign, to which she immediately got defensive and said "I didn't dive head first" over and over. Because of her behavior I asked her to get out of the pool, which she took her sweet time doing. Once out, she began to mimic me while she was walking to her chair. At this point, I have had it! I am so tired of being disrespected, I am tired of her running our house.
BM and I are not close, but today when she picked them up I let her know what happened, for fear that SD7 would tell her a dramatized story. I am at the point where I can't have her in my house anymore. She is teaching BS2 some very bad behavior. BM says that she believes that SD7 is angry at her father, that her father never engages with kids, and therefor she is taking it out on me. She suggests that I discuss with my BF that either he steps up with his own children or that they start spending less time in his care. What do I do? I am completely overwhelmed by one child. SS5, is a great kids, but tends to get lost in his sister's shadow which isn't fair.
Any legitimate advice would be appreciated!
Yes he needs to step up. I
Yes he needs to step up. I used to be the bad guy then I stopped. I don't discipline SD15 or tell her to do homework. I leave it all to DH. I refuse to get involved at all.
I agree... dad needs to step
I agree... dad needs to step up and parent his children. It's not fair to leave all of it to you, and you are the bad guy all of the time. You are fighting a losing battle from the start as a "stepparent". He is setting you up for failure by making you do all of the parenting.
BM is a wreck, and I believe
BM is a wreck, and I believe that part of the problem lies in her home as well. She has told SD7 and SS5 that the reason mommy and daddy can't be together is me. But she kicked him out and moved in some stranger she met off of the Internet from another state. Since then it's been a revolving door of men AND women in and out of their lives. Since their split, I am the only woman that has been around the kids. She never shows up on time, and she never apologizes for making us wait or making us cancel our plans because she can't show up. IMHO, I'm the only chance these kids have to make it out without becoming sociopaths! I NEVER had this kind of problem with my kids, and although they are older, they don't treat my BF like his children treat me...but maybe it's because I still parent in my home when they're here.
His kids come back to our home on Thursday night, and I feel like running away already..it's so unfair! Yes, I did choose this life and I love my BF more than life itself. We have a child together and I don't want our DS2 to end up like these kids without both parents in the home. My fear is that his daughter is going to rip our family in half.