OMG.. help - going nuts here - ex is ruining vacation plans
Ok, so here is the situation. My ex husband is deliberately standing in the way of my vacation.
We have shared parenting and two weeks ago I emailed him regarding a vacation we are trying to plan. There are a lot of factors in play regarding this. First, my current husbands shared parenting plan - got that worked out for the dates. My in-laws schedule - got that worked out. The availability of two units in the place we are staying - got that worked out. Lining up flights so that we can all meet at the airport and not have to get two rental cars - got that worked out.
The issue, this vacation is over fathers day. I get that it's fathers day, ok. However, it is one fathers day out of his daughters entire life I am asking him to switch up. One day - that's it. I have switched him many days to accommodate him (like giving him an extra day so that he can take her out to dinner with his dad for his 70th bday)..
He flat out refused to answer my question about if he would switch and drug it out for a week.. finally I said, if you can't answer me then I am just going to book my flight for fathers day and unfortunately your daughter will have to fly alone on monday and I'll pick her up from the airport. Now I know good an well that I won't allow her to fly alone. I couldn't do that to her. He doesn't know that, but dammit.. sometimes you gotta push back.
That was a week ago.
Since then, I have sent him repeated texts and emails with different times for flights and even offered to fly with her late in the day on fathers day and he WON'T REPLY.
I am so pissed off I can't think. I have watched the availability of flights dwindle and the prices go up and up. From 275/flight to 386/flight. At this rate, I won't be able to afford to do it. Not to mention the fact that this is now stressing EVERYONE involved out. They can't book their flights because they are waiting on me!!!
Ughhhhh.. help!
It's one fathers day and I
It's one fathers day and I did not plan it knowing it was fathers day. I planned it and then emailed him the schedule asking for the switch. He won't communicate - that is the issue.
Two weeks went by with repeated emails and options from me on how to flex on this. I offered him many options and switches - it's not like I said "I HAVE A VACATION PLANNED - DEAL WITH IT"..
And.. I have swapped with him numerous times to work with his families schedule. All I am asking for is a return on the favor.
By no means am I trying to cut him out of her life or rob him of his time with her. I am merely asking him to celebrate Fathers Day one week earlier or one week later.. it's not the end of the world if he doesn't have it on that exact day.
No, as a matter of fact, it
No, as a matter of fact, it isn't.
And I actually GAVE HIM 1/2 of MOTHERS DAY for his family.
New Honey..? What the hell are you talking about?
he is remarried too and I am
he is remarried too and I am offering him 1/2 of mothers day.
im not taking her anywhere without asking.. i did ask
a bit black and white aren't we?
this whole statement sucks in
this whole statement sucks in soooo many ways.
Father's Day is the third
Father's Day is the third Sunday in June.
Every year.
Did that help?
Father's day is just another
Father's day is just another day like Mother's day. They are both days that are created by the greeting card industry.
Why not celebrate and give thanks everyday for the people that gave life to you?? Why can you only do it on that one day!??
Seriously, if she's switched days several times and gave plenty of notice.. then what's the big deal. I can't see a reason to make a kid miss out on a really fun vacation time bc I need to prove a point.
some people were born controlling and that is the only way for them to maintain it.
So he keeps pulling the strings.
If he really cared about his kid, he'd be flexible and do what's best for the kid. Not what makes him seem in control!!
Also, what goes around comes around. If you can't give in to me on one event..don't expect me to give in to your requests to move the schedule ever again. Oh, but that would make me a crappy parent right?? Not being concerned about my kid but just doing what I want??
Hhmmm, doesn't feel so good when the shoe is on the other foot sometimes.
Maybe you need to remind him of that. And yes... if it's not in the decree that he has visitation that weekend..then he's s-o-l.
I assume it is since you are waiting for his reply.
Again.. I didn't knowingly
Again.. I didn't knowingly schedule this on FD and I was willing to basically bend over backwards to give him extra in return. You act as if I am just "taking" and not "giving".. that is not the case at all.
Sorry but my dh doesn't get
Sorry but my dh doesn't get his kids as much as he only has visitation and fathers day he would never switch. Other days yes but not fathers day nor his bday nor the kids bdays if he had them on that day. Certain days you just can't expect the other parent to give up. Ask your self how would you feel if he planned the vacation on mothers day? As with fathers day mothers day is always the same day every year. Knowing that and he planned a vacation on that day and asked you to give it up what would you do? How would you feel? We plan all that stuff on dh's time so we don't have to switch or reply on bm to make sure the skids can go. NEVER have we taken the skids on vacation or anything else not on dh's time. So far anyway.
>>He won't communicate - that
>>He won't communicate - that is the issue.<<
You and your family made vacation plans before you checked with him regarding Father's Day. You put him in the position of being the big ol' craptastic dad who will not work with you.
That is the issue.
Yes, that is the issue. I
Yes, that is the issue. I asked him a question and gave him options and he waits 2 weeks to get back to me? How would you feel if that was done to you?
I cannot answer your question
I cannot answer your question because your situation is impossible for me to be in.
Nice try, though.
Whose weekend is it? Then,
Whose weekend is it? Then, that's where kiddie goes.
I'm just going to end this by
I'm just going to end this by saying thank you to the people that understood that this wasn't an act of maliciousness on my part - rather an oversight and an asking for a little flexibility from him. I have given him plenty of wiggle room in the schedule on my end. It's a give and take.
Can't you and your daughter
Can't you and your daughter fly out the day after Father's Day?
I don't see the big huge deal
I don't see the big huge deal either personally..you are custodial correct? Is he typically this unflexible? Has he asked to switch before and you accomodated him?
Perhaps it's jealousy because you're going on a trip?
"EVERY court in this land will side with the Father on this and royally kick the BMs ASS if she attempts to take his child away on "his" day."
Not sure if he would actually take you to court on this but I doubt she would get more then a reprimand. Honestly courts are bombarded with very serious issues...it could be months, money it costs him, etc just to get dismissed by a judge saying "don't do it again".
YES, it sucks for dad but it wasn't done maliciously, and it shouldn't be that big of a deal-why not celebrate fathers day the wknd before or after or as soon as the kid returns?
Part of being the custodial is making those decisions....funny that there's all this up in arms about ensuring the kids is available to go on visitation day-but yet its the fathers "right" to exercise visitation and the courts wont do anything about it....you have guys that dont' show up for weeks/months/years on end and follow their end of the agreement because it's a 'right to exercise" (or decline)...but ONE day/ONE trip is cause for a court to kick her ass in line??
I can see if someone routinely denies visitation and messes with it..but otherwise...I say the adults needs to suck it up a bit. Stuff happens, plans happen, a little flexibility never killed anyone.
My ex and I have swapped many times to work with eachothers schedules/plans.
Echo I'm with you on this
Echo I'm with you on this one. I asked her to put the shoe on the other foot. I'm sure that he may already have plans for that day. I know we always have plans that day and no I don't want to not make my plans b/c my bm scheduled something on a day that was not hers. This day is on the same day same month every year and is always the dads day!
Please op put the shoe on your foot and ask yourself how would you feel if your ex wanted your kids on mothers day?
I know you said he could have them half of that day but is that this year or next year? Plus why would he want a half day on when you are taking a whole day? Plus as I said he probably has plans that day that he can't change.
Yes he can celebrate on another day but think about it most families get together on days like this. I know my family has a bbq or we go to the lake I mean all my family, my parents, sibs, and my in laws, she would be missing that at her dads.
He may not be answering you b/c he doesn't know what to say you put him in a bad spot, he is thinking that he wants her for that but then she will miss out on what you have planned but then she is missing out on what he has planned wither way he can't win.
I believe she also offered
I believe she also offered him the alternative of having half of Father's Day-stating that they would fly out later that evening. Which is exactly what he evidently asked for and received for Mother's Day. So if he felt it was reasonable for him to have 1/2 of mother's day why is it not reasonable for her to have half of Father's Day? I wonder if she ignored him for 2 weeks when he asked about that and never responded? NO, obviously not as she already agreed to let him have it. Why isnt he being an adult and at least speaking to her about it? When bm would refuse to communicate with us-we would send her something in the mail stating-we have asked about such and such and you have not replied. At this time we will assume you are in agreeemnt with these plans as we have had no response from you.
If she really planned this trip maliciously why come on these boards and lie about it? What would be the point of that? What would that get her? I made a boo boo last year with Father's Day. I planned my son's birthday inadvertently on Father's Day-just didnt think of it (we dont have custody issues) but I had invited a whole mess of kids over here and then realized that they might not attend due to it being Father's Day. So, yep, I forgot about it too. All calendars dont have it printed on them. Many of us use our phones nowadays for the calendar and I know my phone doesnt tell me when it is Fathers Day. Also, our bm forgot mother's day one year as well. Our co spells out that she gets all of mom's day weekend-which would have not been her regular weekend-we had ss already to go on Fri evening and she never shows. My dh called her and she said "I totally forgot" and then she still didnt feel the need to come and get him as she had already made plans.
I have no ex-but I'm not going to lie-if I didnt get a response I would just freaking go. He could take it to court, but they wouldnt do anything especially when they found out that you tried to speak to him and he refused to communicate with you AND he asked for 1/2 of mom's day which you did communicate with him about and agree to. I would also send this before mom's day-so if he still doesnt reply I would go ahead and cancel the mother's day that you offered him. Petty? Yes-it is. But I feel like he is being really petty here as well not even discussing it with you.