Need help with the step-wife who doesnt like kids
Ok ex-wife needs help :-)Advice.
Been divorced 11 years. remarried. for past 9 years me, my husband and ex have gotten along great. Kids happy. My ex has been in a relationship w/ the new step wife on off 6 years and rec. married. She left kid out of wedding plans and tried to leave him out of reception plans.
She has flat out stated she does not like or have patients for kids. Has stated my child is spoied and babied, and has flat out said she likes him and he is a good kid and good ball player but she don't and probably won't love him because he is not hers. Now mind you she has been aorund this child now 12 years old for 6 years! So this isnt new and she new when she married my ex what she was getting into. I stress my kid show her respect, but i have also told her to get respect you MUST give it.
She never speaks in any manner other then a snappy one. She is very self serving and noone else matters. I have offered for her to come get my son and try to have them bond she doen not want to. I allowe her family to come get my son for events etc. but she feels i do not try w/ her. What else do i do?
My ex is supposed to do ALOT by our divorce paper she does not do but I never push because we work like we do and it has worked. i just am ready to rip her head off and we came real close at the ball field because she was heckling my child. Do i keep working or simply explain to my ex she nned not be at the ball field b-day parties ect. until she can respect my child and grow up. HELP from an ex who is actually trying
Advice for you!
I am an EX wife and I am also remarried, my H's EX is not stable and we will just not go there right now-- but my EX and I get along very well.He has had a few girlfriends over the years most of them have been fine- we did have one however about 7 years ago ( my Ex and I have been D for 11 years also)She would constantly try to get him out of his his every other weekend because she wanted to be with him not his kids-- well needless to say that lasted I think maybe a month and a half and he told her she needed to find someone who didn't have kids. Now - your EX is married to this gal so YIKES!I am dealing with a girlfriend of mine who is like your step wife/mom she loves her boyfriend a great amount but she is 47 years old- she has never had kids why?? because she doesn't want them- her boyfriend has 3 children, she will have nothing to do with them and "can't wait until they go back to mom's" I have often asked her why she is getting deeper involved with a man who needs to be a dad- his kids are 4-5 and 10- they are not going to "go away" I have urged her to get over it if she is going to stay with him or bite the bullet and move on if she is that nauseous over the children. Sounds like this is what step mom needs to do-unfortunately doesn't sound like that is going to happen.You are the BM and if she does not want a relationship with your child and sounds like she is adamant about that- I would not try to force it- I know you are trying to do it, to create peace and love, but I am sorry to say it most likely will lead to you being frustrated, and your child feeling like he is a burden and unloved. I know that is not what you want. I would however make it very clear to either her or to your Ex that if she can't to come to ball games and kid functions without being resprectful and positive toward your child then she can stay home and get caught up on laundry! NO! I would not allow someone to heckle my child at his own ball game-I don't know if I could have been as big as you that day--her ears would have been ringing for 3 days after I was finished telling her what I really think!I do not think that is unacceptable to request your EX to leave her at home if she is going to act so hurtful and immature to your child.YOUR MOM! and you do have a say--I am hoping that your EX doesn't support her when she behaves like that or I would be having words with him as well-- I know and trust me in my situation (the EX is BAD!!)I just like you would like everyone to have peace and all get along- until that happens-(if it ever does) lay down some reasonable boundries and stick to your guns-- I have made it very clear to my H's EX that no one will speak inappropriately to my children. Hope that helps and I hope she does just that "GROW UP!" sounds likes she needs to. Hope that helps a little.Kristilibons
Nice to know-
I am not the only one who has been though this! Thank you for letting me know that. I felt totally alone in this and even though my H and family say I ahve tried and am supportive of the SM situation i felt bad but you helped me realize sometimes you just cant please everyone and do enough when someone has issues like she has.
I agree
no one should be rude to her children for sure! Accept for the heckling I didn't read that she has been mean to the child, and even said she liked hers. I suspect even the heckling was mean't in good spirit and may have been taken wrong, hopefully. But the DH's are mostly going to side with their wives especially when the children live with the bm. I'm sure many dh feel like their put in the middle, but I think it is different with men who have children that don't live with them. Sure everyone has to compromise and thats in every relationship, every aspect. But the kids are not a package deal. Just like when those kids get married mom and dad are not a part of that marriage, nor is it a package deal. Many Dh are glad to see their kids but also glad when they go back, so its not always the stepmoms.
his dad..
has always been a great dad. gets him even when its not "his time" so its not the dad..other then he hasnt put her in check on being and adult and showing respect to his child-its her and i have to disagree respectfully- when you get involved w/ someone with kids and make it long term and then marriage it is a package deal you can not marry the person and dismiss the kid(s) ESPECAILLY respectful kids and i have not tried to make it hard like some ex and BM have as i have heard and seen. That is not how it works..and the heckling was her being her and meant to piss off. That is what she does. I expressed how i respect the sm issues and would support & help in any way and she told me she needs more itme- its been 6 years her and my ex have been together. She says she doesnt like/have patients for kids why be w/ a man w/ a kid?