Lazy step kids..
So..I have an 11 yr old and 17 yr old stepdaughter..and 10 yr old of my own..my husband and I agree that my 10 yr old is better adjusted than his kids are. His are with us every other wknd. Mine all the other times, and she is with her dad when his girls are with us. Now don't get me wrong, all three have to be reminded to pick up after themselves. But his are couch potatoes, and are fine to sit or lay all day every wknd. Sometimes he addresses this, but says he doesn't want his whole wknd to be spent griping at them, so I have to bite my tongue most of the time. When I get frustrated with how lazy they are, I tend to vent to him instead of them. I'm trying to learn to complain to them, not him, but I feel like they look at me with the "wicked stepmom" look. He feels sorry for them, saying that because their mother doesn't teach them responsibility, they don't know better, and we should be "patient" with them. (They leave used tissues around, clothes everywhere, don't bathe for a couple of days at a time, sit on computer hours on end, or watch TV and movies, or just sleep for hours content to watch me do everything around the house..). When their dad is here, they do a tad more, but when he is at work, they do almost nothing..literally. I've come to the realization nothing will change, and I will just have to vent here. Suggestions????????
I sympathize with you! I too
I sympathize with you! I too have two teen age step kids and both are very lazy! I like a tidy house but when the kids are here (every other week), it becomes a junk yard. I don't see the point in picking it up again because it will all be trashed again. I have finally decided that I will no longer pick up after them or remind them to do it (because then I'm the overbearing, evil step-mom). I have done it for nine years now and I am sick of it. It's time for dad to step up. I have told him I will no longer pick up after them nor remind them, the ball is in his court. It has been tough and I often have to find some sort of outlet but I know their dad will only take it for so long before he blows and then he can be the "bad" guy. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and step-kids but I need a break now and then too, and constantly picking up after them and catering to them is only creating lazy, ungrateful monsters! They need to know what responsibility and respect is.
Agreed! My husband and I
Agreed! My husband and I have been married 2.5 years, and until a few months ago, I would walk behind them and pick up because I cannot stand clutter. Their mother is a hoarder, always has been, so they know nothing more. (one of the reasons my husband and she are divorced..) I'm totally the opposite!! The other day, after Easter, when vacuuming their room, I noticed vacuum was picking up all kinds of stuff under their bed. Once I got under there, I freaked!! Water bottles, paper, toys, and an empty chocolate bunny box...that had just been given to one of them that day! I dumped it all on their bed and told my husband I was leaving it there for them. He didn't say much, but he was clearly annoyed. When they came over yesterday, they dumped their stuff in their room, not evening noticing all the junk on the bed, then walked out leaving the light on..my husband then took them to rent a movie and when he called me to ask if I wanted a movie, I told him to tell them to turn the light off when they got home. He became upset with me, asking me why I didn't say something to them instead of him. This is coming between us, as he believes every thing I say is being overly critical. Maybe that's true, because it is reallllly starting to get to me now. I feel for you putting up with this for 9 years. At least my husband's older one will be 18 next year..hopefully things will get better then.
Amen to Responsibility and
Amen to Responsibility and Respect! My SS19 is so lazy that he doesn't even flush the toilet! It is just so embarrasing because I don't want to have a guest come and use the rest room and they see something floating in there! No matter how you slice it, guests will blame me for a nasty home; not the SS19 and not the DH. SS19 is not on drugs and does not have a disability, so he has taken lazy to a whole new level. I remember when he was in middle school...one of his middle school friends told him that he was the laziest person that he knows! Now that's saying a lot for another kid your age to tell you that you win the lazy award!
Got tired of feeling the
Got tired of feeling the blame for the 100% nasty, disgusting bathroom my ss's use with their father (who lets it go for weeks then blows up and yells at them while he's cleaning up after them), but I did find a way to re-place the blame where it actually belongs. For anyone I care about I send them to my bathroom (which boys are not allowed into) and for the boys mother, grandparents, cousins - whatever, they use "the boys" bathroom as it is very much easier to reach than mine which is all the way in the back of the house. Let them see the piss all over the toilet, the floor, the wall and figure it out. If you are 14 and 16 and can't hit the pot or clean up after yourself - well, that wouldn't be my problem. Eventually they will grow up and be launched into the world or maybe their dad will get tired of cleaning up after them and teach them how to control their own lizard!
Moral of the story is to always designate whose bathroom you are allowing your guests to use!
I would just flat out not
I would just flat out not pick up after ANY of them! What's left lying around I'd assume they had no further use for...since they did not take care of it...and put it in a trashbag. Honestly, I believe that our hapless DH's really have no idea what goes into dealing with kids. DH here did not realize until I stepped back, stopped doing stuff for the kids and referred them directly to him when they asked for something. When I was a lone parent I did kids, house, classes, work and neighborhood activities. All it takes sometimes is that learning curve for DH's and the sooner it happens the better IMO.
At first there was a lot of love and respect, DH and I married a year later and then puberty hit the twins. Add some parent alienation from BM and the kids turned into MONSTERS! It was almost an overnight thing, I recall SD's principle saying to me 'one day I had this really cute, respectful, preppy girl in my building and the next day she totally changed.' Ditto for me lady! It's my belief that we would all defend our kids if someone said negative things about them, I also believe that our DH's are no different from us in that regard.
It's hell on wheels at times but I have the 'before' images to draw on when I get tired and they will grow and learn...they (the kids) made 18 and we all survived. I try hard to keep comments to myself if they are negative, I learned that just because DH is unwilling to discuss some issues does not mean he is totally unaware of them, sometimes stating the obvious does not really help at all! DH is on my side, at my side, and will never leave my side...as I am with and for him.
Throw their toys away that
Throw their toys away that they leave laying around - after being asked only once to pick it up. Put an automatic timer on the computer to shut off after an hour. If they leave garbage laying around, pick it up and put it on their pillow.
When they start complaining, tell them to talk to their dad. When their dad starts complaining, tell him to act like a parent.
My SS11 is like a sloth. He's
My SS11 is like a sloth. He's so lazy, doesn't pick up anything in his room, it's a fight to get him to bathe and he refuses to do chores. I feel like I'm losing my mind dealing with him. My 3 year old daughter is more helpful and is able to better take care of tiddying her room than he is.
I'd love to take everything that's laying on the floor in his room and throw it away, but he wouldn't care. Most of it are things I bought for him especially clothes and he doesn't appreciate any of it. I could throw it all away and he wouldn't care. He's oblivious to everything.
I've completely stopped caring or arguing with him. If he wants to live in a pigsty and smell like it, then fine. Not my kid not my problem. I shut the door and ignore it. DH can deal with it.
Does he live with ya'll full
Does he live with ya'll full time? Luckily mine are just here about 6 days a month. I honestly don't think I could take more than that.
Yes, full time. It's hard
Yes, full time. It's hard with no breaks from him and he may be here for 7 more years. I don't know how I'll stand it.
I guess I just respect my
I guess I just respect my house and how hard it is to keep the mortgage payments up to just let my SS19 mess it up. I wish I could take your stance on it; it would make life so much easier.
But isn't that just part of
But isn't that just part of puberty? I don't expect much from boys that age -- but then, I don't have any in my home
maybe..but these are girls.
maybe..but these are girls. And oddly, it's the 17 year old that has to be asked to bathe. And I forgot to mention, she does NOT have a driver's license, nor does she have an interest in getting one.
Late bloomers...Tom boys??
Late bloomers...Tom boys?? LOL What can I tell you? We have an 18 year old girl who is a total mess, drugs, bad (though she desires them) company and generally doing stupid stuff. She's of age now and we are NOT having that crap at our door...she can get herself out of jail next time! We were under obligation when she was a juvenile to collect her from jail, more times than we wanted to. We are not totally giving up on her, she's ours, but we are not going to enable her.
I'd start by saying something along the lines of 'the shower is all yours ...insert name...and how long the water will take to heat back up, Oh, and there's some nice body wash I think you'll like!' when you are finished, and positively encourage her. A few days of mentions might help it sink in. You could also FORBID her using YOUR stuff too, maybe oppositional defiance might make her shower?? Hey, whatever works!!
When the skids come in they
When the skids come in they know the rules. I feel like after them being there every other wkend for 2 years they should pretty well be imbedded in their minds. So if things are left out I throw them away, clothes left out they lose them all weekend. I know it sounds cruel but I'm tired of picking up their stuff so if they can't then they lose it. I've thrown away toys, shoes, craft supplies etc.
2 extremely lazy step daughters
They only clean once a week, mostly stay on phone late into the nights, eat late, shower late, no responsibility.
Don't do dishes
Only do what is asked, if they see something dirty or drop on the floor, they ignore.
Wife keeps making excuses for them saying they forgot to do this and that and they are only 13 14. That is just bullshit to me.
To the point i don't consider they are my step daughters, I ignore and not even looking at them even though we are in the same household. Their grands back them up and thinking i'm too strict while they don't even teach them ANYTHING.
My wife does not know how to discipline them because they suffer no consequences.
At times, I hate it when they fill cup of water and drank some of it and left the rest on the table. Ate their food and leave the bag on the table. Turn on the light and never turn off. Watched TV and was the last one out but don't even turn off. Wife said they forgot all the time. This is unbelievable excuse. Only 13 and 14 and they already forget that much? While going out and making apt to go out with friends, they never forget. To the point that i hate them so much I said to myself, their future will have nothing to do with me. I can't wait for them to get the hell out irresponsible and ignorant kids. Even if something happens to them, I don't even want to get involve.
I think lazy people can't follow instruction to do chores are mentally handicapped.