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It's NOT pettiness

Jellybeam's picture

It's a 1,000 different things about SD11 that get on my nerves, but I see how it could seem petty when the 1,000 different things are discussed one by one. Except to other SM's.

Like this one: I made potato soup for the first time recently. I got the recipe off the internet. It turned out really good,(if I do say so). SD never had potato soup before so she was afraid to try it, oh so scared, but when she did, she LOVED it!
Month or so went by, I made potato soup again, and she comes into the kitchen with, "what's for dinner?" I told her potato soup. She said, "I like my mom's potato soup better." I said I thought she never had potato soup before mine. "Oh no, my mom makes it all the time. She got the recipe from my grandma."
What do I say to that?? I can't stand that kid so much that I think my 'bitch gauge' is broken! I thought about next time-and there WILL be one, saying something like, "well, if you don't like what I cook, you can make your own dinner." or "well, I really don't cook to suit your tastes, I do it so your dad doesn't have to" Or, I thought about saying, "I will tell your father that you are unsatisfied with my cooking and so HE will have to cook EVERY NIGHT that you are here" and do that-tell my DH I aint cooking on the week SD is with us!
Hmmph. I really would like to know what to say to that.
Interestingly enough, the SD asked me to make Stomboli(I happen to know that is one of her mom's specialties) I said, "no, that's your mom's favorite thing to make." I wonder, but I will never know, if she was going to tell me her mom's stromboli is better than mine, too or if she was going to tell her mom that I make it better than she does.

Anon2009's picture

Of course she is going to think her mom makes it better than you do, and that's fine, but is your dh correcting her on saying stuff like that, and teaching her to think before she speaks?

Jellybeam's picture

DH doesn't even know about that one. She tends to attack me in the hour and 15 minutes she has from the time she gets home from school until her dad gets home from work.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

girls are sooo annoying with their manipulative talking in order to play their power and to get a reaction.Typical.Stay as cool as you can and tell DH he cooks in future.

Living the dream's picture

When I first married DH and moved in here, I tried cooking every night for him and his kids (even though I also work full time). They mostly refused to even try what I made or, if they did, complained it was "too spicy" or some similar BS.

This little game lasted about a week before I told my DH that I would no longer prepare meals for his children and so he would have to cook on all the days that they are with us.

I haven't prepared a single meal for them since, not even an egg. }:)

Over_that_tude's picture

Yep, I have that t-shirt too! He's down there now making dinner for the SD as I do not cook from Friday to Sunday when she is here. Nada!!!

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

The rude comments on cooking are tiring after a while. My SD's lived with us full-time the first 2 years, and always had some complaint about the food if I cooked. Luckily DH cooked 95% of the time then, so I didn't have to put up with their whining .

After 2 years YSD went to live with BM full-time and OSD lived 50/50 with us and BM.

If I could go back in time, I would not have moved in with DH until the Skids were grown and out of the house.

bi's picture

sd20 liked to pull this bullshit of having liked something last week, but not this week. one of fdh's favorites is sloppy joes. she asked me what i was making, (as if she couldn't see for herself) and i told sloppy joes. she stands there and makes gagging noises, even though she had eaten my sloppy joes plenty of times in the past without complaint. i glared at her. fdh told her if she didn't like it, she could have a salad or pb sandwich. she always bitched about what i made. either by outright rudeness such as the gagging noises, or by sitting there looking like the world was ending and picking at her food.

BUT if fdh cooked something, or if i did it but she thought he did it, she would devour it, raving the whole time about how "amazing" it was. (eye roll). she wasnt' too happy when she found out the "amazing" food she was eating was cooked by me and fdh just happened to be stirring it, etc when she walked into the kitchen. }:)

oldone's picture

She needs to be taught that making rude comments about food served to you in someone's home is RUDE and UNACCEPTABLE.

Doesn't matter who cooked or why - a normal person does not gag and make rude remarks in someone's home. EVEN IF THEY ARE RELATED.

That's the equivalent of walking up to a lady and the grocery store and saying "you are fat".

There should be a consequence for being rude. period. dot.

She's not 5 years old.

oldone's picture

Thank you - that just seems so obvious to me. We are not doing these kids any favor letting them be barbarians.

Jellybeam's picture

I like the idea of correcting her myself-because when DH talks to her about things, the story changes. Anyone else had that?

MY SD IS THE ONLY CHILD ON EARTH WHO DOESN"T LIE!!! My DH said that. He has called me a liar(basically) on 2 separate occasions!!

When we got in front of a counselor, he RELUCTANTLY admitted that SD 'might' lie to save her butt.

fedup13's picture

I no longer cook for skid because it was just an opportunity for him to abuse me. He thrives on it and was never corrected so now I cook what I want and DH can feed him whatever the hell he wants.

Onefootout's picture

I stopped cooking for SS, he rejects 90% of what I cook. And this stops the routine of subjecting my cooking to prince SS' inspection only for him to turn his nose up at it because it has vegetables or beans in it. And it also stops SO's begging of SS to "just try a little, come on, you might like it."

oldone's picture

But I'd probably ramp up my baking. Nothing like walking into the odor of fresh chocolate chip cookies and not finding one to eat.

I accidentally did this to a friend by burning a "cookie" candle. She was so disappointed.

Onefootout's picture

oldone, sounds like a good idea. SS is really a meat lover, though. If the meal involves pure meat, like pulled pork or beef or hamburger, then that's his thing. Is absolute favorite is cheesecake. I could be mean and make that, but because I never make cheesecake, SO will see right through me and get really pissed that I'm being so cruel to his son.

fedup13's picture

Yeah that used to drive me up the wall. DH would sit and beg and plead for skid to eat, bribe him, "come on buddy, two bites and you can have candy, just two bites, come on, you can do it, it is good, just try it." Skid would cry and whine and refuse and scrunch his nose out or even better, he'd really put on a show sometimes and take a bite and start gagging and then spit it out and make all kinds of noises and very overdramatically say how awful it was, all a put on fake assed show to get his way. I could not believe that DH could not or would not see that skid was just playing him and that the more he begged the more skid was determined to not do it. He has major ODD and they thrive on adults begging them to do stuff because that gives them an open invitation to defy them. They love it. It would not matter what the food was, he may like it just fine in reality, but because he knows someone wants him to eat it, there is no way in Hell it is going to happen because he being able to oppose authority and get his way is more important than eating something he would actually like to eat.

oldone's picture

As fat as so very, very many of today's children seem to be I can't believe that they have to be begged to eat.

Jellybeam's picture

No shit! My SD is about 20 pounds overweight, and when she bitches about what's for dinner, it's all I can do to not say,"well, it doesn't look to me like you're missing many meals due to your pickiness...little laugh...stare her down" But I wont. I don't want to help cause her to become anorexic, plus who hasn't had trouble losing extra weight? It's hard to lose weight and I know that. I'm sensitive to that since I have a really overweight sister, but then, my sister doesn't come into my home and insult my cooking!!!

fedup13's picture

Skid is not fat, but he is far from skinny or starving. He eats junk nonstop and refuses decent regular food because he knows if he puts up a fight he will win and get cupcakes for dinner instead.

lovelylife123's picture

Oh my , Ive been there.

I've even vented to a family therapist about this .

What I was told is to offer her an alternative , maybe one she will not like.

So when she says " I dont like the soup"

You can say "ok, well you can have a bowl of carrots or some green beans.."

Something she wont like.

Its tough, to these children their parents are their world and no one can compare, she may feel she is going to disappoint her mother if she likes your food. Its a common loyalty that children have with their parents.

Just dont take her personal and know that she is struggling as well, be calm, be patient.

forgotten wife's picture

"just don't take it personal and know that she is struggling as well, be calm, be patient."

Ha,hahahahahaha!

Jellybeam's picture

Yeah, really! Stuggling to think of new mean things to say to me! Remember, this is the SD who asked me "which toothbrush is yours?"

elle94's picture

My SD17 has been so incredibly rude about the cooking that I told DH I refuse to cook for his kids when they are over. I just got tired of her trying to treat our house like it was an effen restaurant.

luchay's picture

I have the same problems - the skids and food battles.

It's a control thing - they know they can get to you with it.

I too told OH he has to step up and help with the cooking whenever they are here - I still plan the meals - things I know they will eat - but if I cook the noses are turned up and it's "disgusting, I don't like it" if they think he has cooked it "yummy, daddy this is THE best ___ ever, you are SUCH a good cook Daddy!"

(Even if all he did was stir the pot LOL)

He even burnt the meat once, and SS will not touch any food that has the slightest trace of black on it, but because Daddy cooked it it was the best ever, and when he apologised for burning their dinner they actually said "oh NO Daddy, this is perfect - it's JUST how we like it!!"

LMAO little shits.