does my DH talk to BM. She tries to piss him off and I am sure records it, as do we. If she answers the phone when he calls SS's, she hands the phone to the boys. The only time she calls is if one of the boys is in trouble and she wants DH to yell at them, which he does not do. Everything else is dealt with by me via e-mail, sometimes by phone depending on what kind of mood she is in. I am not sure what the norm is, but it seems like every day for a 2 year old is a little much.
Making the decision to have a child is momentous~ It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside of your body~

I send my ex one email per week at the beginning of the week (his attorney thought anything more than would be just way too overwhelming for him to have to contemplate)- I stick to the actual issues at hand, virtual visitation, home town visits, grades, sports etc.

I never call him, 1. because his wife feels the need to stand right there beside him screaming her two cents to both of us, we both get frustrated and it's unproductive, 2. paper trail

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards

In 15 years I can count on less than two hands how many times BioDad and my wife have spoken.

SpermGrandMa on the other hand calls 5-10 times a year to arrange visitation travel or argue about some psycho thing or another.

BioDad never calls and my wife only calls him to tell him when his Mother has gotten so out of hand that my wife will no longer speak to her about my SS. He gets bitchy and threatens all kinds of stuff until my wife tells him "Ok, now I am not talking to you either, if you want to see your son you better get a lawyer and we will see you in court".

SpermGrandMa usually calls a few days after that and is all peaches and cream until she gets Psycho again. This is usually about a 18-24mo cycle.

Best regards,

usually by email. However with baseball season he will see her & talk to her every day almost till the middle of July. Oh & her BF who doesn't ever speak to us should be around some too since he has no job.

I look at BF's phone every once and awhile. What I see from looking is they talk (text or actual phone calls) 3-4 times a week (when skids are in school and BF is at work :? ) I've told him that I think it's unnecassary, unappropriate and it bothers me, he says that it's always just about the children. Really? Like what???

My feeling is they see eachother when BM brings skids over on Fri, then they see one another at drop off on sunday, and again when she drops them back off after church, AND THENNNNN again when BF takes them back for school Monday mornings???? :sick: Soooooooooo why the need to call or text during the week when you can discuss things at numerous drop offs and pick ups EVERY F*ING WEEKEND??!!!???!!!???

And no, it's not his children calling to talk to their Daddy, they are in school during the times she calls.

x

As a matter of fact going back to my first post, that's the problem that drove me here. I think that sometimes Exes "forget" that there is a new woman in this man's life.

As a wife, I belive that you have the right to know what ANY plans with the child(ren) are when they concern your 1)time, 2) money and 3) home.

It is undignified that some BM's feel the need to have constant communication with the Ex. Also it is disrespectful.

That BM's need to make arrangements with your current SO is understandable, but these BM's also need to remember that this man is no longer "taken" or "hers" and that his time is also YOURS.

I wish you better luck than the one I had. For a 2yo, I believe that this communication is excessive and borderline codependant.

I agree with other posters. Unless it's an emergency communication should be e-mailed.

One can only hope!

BM married right of high school to "get out of her parents house"

????really??? When I wanted to get out of my parents house, I got an apartment? Hmmmmmm???? Really, were not talking 1950's or 1960's were talking 1998???? What the hell?

BM met my current BF years later, while still married, she left her 1st husband for my BF.

Hmmmmmmm-again, needing someone else before moving on, right?

Then when married to my BF, she started "hanging out" with the guy next door and eventually left my BF and is now dating Mr. Neighbor Guy.

Co-dependant much? I think so.

Won't leave the current flavor of the month until he has next months flavor lined up and on the hook.

Best regards,

He absolutely hates talking to her. The kids are older so he doesn't have to get updates from her about them; it's been mostly unfinished business with property, etc. She can swing between "HI!" to BFH so he always has to manage her. She's happier when she has a man in her life, for sure. He really hates it when he calls to talk to the kids and she answers.
But one of the most annoying things, there were MAJOR issues with both kids and she NEVER communicated with him about them.
Not sure if she was afraid he would take them from her (she is slack and they are wild) or she was trying to marginalize him.

My DH and BM speak daily. We have 50/50 custody and during the non custody week they pick up the kids from daycare and the custody parent picks up the skids from non custody parent after work. So this way "the angels" dont have to go one single day without seeing mom or dad. I find it nauseating. But not my arrangement. The switches are done before I am home from the office so I dont care. I did have to put my foot down about BM coming in my home all of the time and chatting up my DH. So even though I dont speak to her, or cause any problems (except not allowing her in MY home) I am the bitch stepmom/new wife. Anyway, not only do they speak close to daily, she emails him several times a week, if not daily. Sometimes I think they are closer than we are...since I work more than either of them. If I complain then they just do it behind my back...it is ugly. I cannot count the number of things and conversations and meetings my DH has hidden from me - because "if he told me I would just get mad". So ofcurse it is better to lie and damage our relationship - atleast the BM is happy!

Whew...too much wine this evening. I guess my best advice is tell him it bothers you and hopefully he is willing to adjust it for you and the benefit of your feeling and relationship. Your relationship needs to come first not BM's wants, needs, and obsessions!

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Fh's ex sounds like she is completely dependent on him. If he doesn't put up some boundaries you are going to have this woman calling him FOREVER. I don't like your FHs attitude about "I will always take calls about my kid". She has him brainwashed into thinking that they have to share every little thing.

Sorry didn't finish my post cuz I had a phone call :). It is manipulation and control. She can talk to him at drop/off pick-up or send him an email with regards to the baby. I'm sure everything they talk about is NOT about the baby. He is not doing her any favors be entertaining her behaviour. She needs to move on with her life - he shouldn't even be a blip in her thoughts unless it is something very important about the child. You need to have a very serious talk with your FH about this and set up boundaries. There is no room for some other woman in your relationship. He is not her emotionally support system, buddy whatever it is she is trying to do. They have a child together and unless it is something IMPORTANT about the baby there is absolutely no reason for her to be calling all the time. Once a week would probably be enough. She also doesn't need to call all the time to speak to your FH when he has visitation - that is his time.

For the most part

BOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when he is picking up the kids and it's for like 3 seconds but she pulls her crap when she knows im working to harass him for some reason she is LAME!!but he just hangs up when she starts arguing!

Since day ONE. It all depends on BM's mood. If she is MAD about something she calls several times and texts all day... which is obviously UNproductive as she never gets her way. When things are somewhat normal she will go weeks sometimes with out calling. Which is fabulous. We see her twice a week when I pick my kids up from school and it is her day to pick up SS. If she has something important she walks over and tells us.

When she is mad at ME, and it has nothing to do with FH or SS, like lets say I posted a picture of SS on my myspace profile pic that she didn't like "me and SS or me and all of the kids" then she will make it a point to call FH every day over silly things, just to get under my skin, and it used to work, now FH has figured out her little routine and ignores her calls completely. If it is important she can leave a message.

When SS was much younger she used to call ALL of the time, over the craziest things. I remember one time we were at Knotts Berry Farm and she kept calling "ss has a bruise on his back, do you know what it is from?". "SS said he misses you so I called" I mean SILLY things "I emailed you pictures from the ZOO"... as if we had never taken him to the ZOO before. Probably 4 times before I grabbed the phone out of his hand and WENT TO TOWN on her dumb ass. I told her "we are busy leading our lives here... can you think about maybe getting one of your own and stop calling every five minutes? If SS is BROKEN BONES, MISSING or DEAD... then you can call, until then FH is no longer answering your calls". She stopped calling.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )

I don't regularly call up my X but when we do talk its usually after he gets off of work because his WIFE isn't around. He says its much beter when she isn't around, cause then he doesn't have to pretend like he hates me.

When she is around its a bunch of yups, I guesses, ok's etc..

My husband talks to his ex-wife everyday and the child is 7 years old. It irritates me, and I told him so, but now I have been seeing her number (she calls him) on our phone bill every day or every other day. They see each other twice a week, why the need to talk to each other daily, I mean they got divorced because she was such a B**ch, so why the need to talk to her everyday, even when the kid is here.

My husband wont talk to her at all. My SD calls and says "pick me up from school tomorrow" (we get her fri-drop her back off to school monday), and we do. If she doesnt call, we dont pick her up, and that works great for us.

My BF and BM only started talking about because she just left her husband (of 8 months and pregnant with his baby) she's acting like a damsel in distress and of course my lovely BF feels bad for her..they don't talk regularly and it as far as I know does have to do with court stuff and arranging pick ups and drop offs..but since when my BF and I met they didn't talk at all for months and months I was obviously a little uncomfortable with the thought of them being good with each other again. I actually just met her this past weekend and shes actually a nice person. I just I'm just hoping because she's lonely now that she won't just insert herself into our lives...

BM obviously can't let go of BF because she has to text him multiple times a day, usually bitching at him about something or letting him know what a "wonderful" mother she is and sometimes (when she's wasted)just to chat like they're friends or something. Thank god he always ignores those ones and the majority of the rest. I and his parents have told him repeatedly that this cannot continue and that he's got to send her a very calm and civil email and tell her that she cannot disrupt his workday for trivial things and that she does not need to be in constant contact. If she has something valid to say about SD she should email him but the texting has to stop and that he will not be responding to texts anymore. I even said that he should tell her that he's glad that she decided to cheat on him and leave him because it's given him the chance to be happy with someone who is not a miserable, unlikeable person that creates conflict out of nothing like she has become. You can't reason with her b/c she does what she wants and damn everyone else. Unfortunately, you have to really wound her for her to pay attention. She behaves like she's jealous... she's one of these that has to think she has the attention of every man in every room she's in. She's got this strange need to be needed/wanted.

My DH doesn't speak to BM on the phone much. Probably once or twice a week at most. Most things are done via text so that I can see what's happening, and he can run scheduling by me before committing to it. Our rule is that she shouldn't know my plans before I do.

This came after lots of problems. She used to call all the time to cry about things that were happening in her life, breakups etc. Basically before we got married we agreed to a certain set of rules. I could not live with him having another woman in his life. No problem with the boy, I love my SS dearly, but just because someone decides to have your child does not obligate you to friendship. We are all civil and discuss only matters that concern our son. Anything else is outside the boundaries of what I can deal with.

It sounds heartless, but DH didn't even go to BM's father's funeral. We agreed that it was inappropriate. She certainly won't be welcome at the family functions of DH's family. It's important to decide who is part of the family...and she isn't part of mine. We have separate birthdays, holidays, everything. She does with her family, we do with ours, and that's the end of it. I won't let her live out her fantasy of holding on my DH bc she got pregnant. She decided to have this baby, she needs to accept the consequences of her decision to have a child with a man who didn't love her. period.