Help in co sleeping
Forums:
So, some of you may remember I posted a while ago about me moving in and my skids sleeping in the same bed. Well I think we have moved forward and he has tried to put the 8 and 6 year old in their own bed but a lot of crying goes on and ultimately they have ended up on a blow u bed in our room at the end of our bed which is progress but the issue is is that they cry a lot and say they want to sleep in Bm's cos they sleep in her bed also which makes me feel really guilty because I know my DP feels bad when they say this, just wondering if anyone has any advice cos it makes me feel so guilty on them?
Does BM's partner also sleep in bed with them?
Does BM's partner also sleep in bed with them? Unrelated people should not be sleeping with children, especially those as old as your stepkids. You have no reason to feel guilty - but maybe that will help.
In your last post, you said
In your last post, you said you'd ended the relationship. What happened? I ask because there was more than just co-sleeping going on. How have things changed?
As for the crying at the foot of your bed, he should tell them to cut it out or go back to their beds in their bedroom(s).
BM doesn't have a partner so
BM doesn't have a partner so both children sleep with her.
i did end the relationship but we talked and he said he would do whatever I wanted which he is trying to do but I know he feels bad on the kids and I feel guilty also but ultimately I don't want to sleep with them.
Well, you shouldn't sleep
Well, you shouldn't sleep with unrelated children. Ever. Do you realize what kind of accusations you'd be leaving yourself open to? It's time he got his kids into their real beds. This isn't about tantrums and tears, this is about being a parent. He's supposed to be teaching them to grown into decent, self-sufficient adults and part of that is encouraging their independence. That includes sleeping alone in their own beds. He needs to stop being such a pushover for them because that is hampering their development. Why would you feel guilty about wanting what is best for the kids?
Went Through This!
I went through this exact same thing when I first met my fiancé. He was still letting his 8 Year Old Daughter sleep in his bed every night.
I told him it was entirely inappropriate and unacceptable at her age and I would not advance our relationship any further if it did not stop because there was no way in hell I would be coming over and sleeping with him in his bed with his 8 Year Old.
He was uncomfortable with the correction at first and tried to make excuses but I shut it down and stood my ground and it stopped.
Unfortunately to this day we struggle with her being very unconfident, very lazy, insecure, poor in school, etc.
I think the coddling/co-dependency was deep and went too far and it led to a lot of damage my fiancé is trying to "un-do."Of course co-sleeping wasn't the ONLY co-dependent behavior he was allowing but you catch my drift.
Do his kids share a room? or
Do his kids share a room? or do they have their own rooms... Growing up.. my younger brother and I shared rooms until I was around 13.. there was another room that was our "playroom".. but also doubled as a guest room. I think the company of each other should be helpful in them not getting so scared at night.
They need to become more independent... but you can't control what mom does.. and yeah.. it can make it more difficult.. but at their age.. they do NOT get a choice in which house they stay.
The 8 year old will sleep in
The 8 year old will sleep in his bed sometimes and will cry sometimes that he doesn't want to be on his own, DP will go and lie with him for a bit and if it doesn't work the options are sleep in your own bed or the blow up bed (he complains the blow up bed is uncomfortable). The 6 year old is more coddled and is she is more of a challenge but he is trying but he has to lie with both of them separately and whoever he isn't with ends up crying. I have no issue with them on the blow up bed as it's progress but I just feel bad when they are crying and I know my DP was hurt when they said they wanted to stay in their mums which made me feel bad.
we are making slow progress that I'm happy with as it's still progress, it's hard to change something that they have always done especially when they still sleep with BM but I have told him as long as he keeps trying and doesn't give up then I'm happy with that. I know they shouldn't be in the bed and I suppose I'm just after some reassurance so I don't feel guilty for kicking them out the bed! But you are right they don't get a choice where they stay and each house will have different rules and expectations just like if they said we do this in mums doesn't mean you do it in dads.
Even the whole blow up bed
Even the whole blow up bed thing is inappropriate IMO.
Thoughts. Why did you move in in the first place?
I haven't actually moved in
I haven't actually moved in yet, just been staying over a lot more just to see how things went.
Great! Don't move in.
What you don't like now, will only get worse.
As for the co-sleeping and 'foot of your bed' bullshit. They need to cry it out every night in their own bed in their own room(s) until they stop. No comforting, no coddling, nothing but 'KNOCK IT OFF AND GO TO SLEEP!!!!"
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
He does not 'have' to lay down with them, etc... Failed daddy bullshit is what this is.
IMHO of course.