I have so many major issues with being a step parent, we have such a sterotypical set up. We have the Uber Skank BM, skids that have been turned against their dad and DH who is oblivious but slowly realising what the hell is going on. Then there is me, SM, who is trying to figure all this out and make sense of the family dynamic while raising our gorgeous 8 month old girl.

I try to understand that while me and my husband have, and I dont mean to be modest, a wonderful home, with nice people surrounding us. Two full time stable jobs and the usual materialist things, we both have a good education and have morals etc Why oh why would two children 9SD & 12SS years old prefer the company and surroundings of a mother who is drunk all day and night and takes drugs on a weekend, has never had a job and therefore lives off bennfits, has no education...never looks after the kids they are always at someone elses house and she treats them so poorly, why is it that they want to be around her and protest at coming to see my husband. The company she keeps might as well be on crime watch and they love her all the more.

As soon as they visit us, we get the constant can we go home yet, when do we go home....As a child I would never want to go to their home, there is nothing there for them, of course they will love their mother, but surely they would want better for themselves, surely they can see the difference between the two lifestyles, so why would they choose to be skanky? Their education is poor, the BM's benefits have just been stopped, so she is on the scrounge off my poor husband who already supports them via CSA, luckily he has finally woken up and refuses to give her any more money, we recently found out that she has booked 10 days to cyprus without the kids, and has been clubbing all week, then asks for money from my husband to pay for school uniforms...she is so cheeky. She hasn't even asked if its ok for the kids to live with us while she goes on holiday, so perhaps she has found someone else. We couldn't have them anyway as we are going away at the same time, so we hope she isn't going to ask.

She tells us that the kids hate coming to us and they do, I've asked them, but they visit when it suits her, for example when she wants money or a babysitter, when she is too drunk to put up with them. Then she tells the kids that they like the dad and are going to visit, but when we don't conform to her requests then they hate us. My poor husband each time thinks the kids are coming over because they want to see him and I wish it was true, but the fact of the matter is that there is always a reason. I point them out to him, but he still twists it. For example the SS plays football on the day that he should visit and finishes before DH is suppose to pick them up. SS says that he can't visit because he's playing, and there has even been times when the games have been postponed as he still hasn't come round, but my husabnd to anyone that asks always say he goes to football when I pick them up so we don't see him very often....it's just not true.

For me it has got to the point where I exclude them from mine and my daughters life, they are turning into mini skanks and I dont want my daughter to pick up on this, so we leave if they come over, when they are over they hide in the spare room and pop out for 10 minutes only to ask when they are going home. My husabnd, although I know he would rather not have this situation, is still there for them, but again, if they weren't there, he wouldn't give them a second thought...harsh I know but honest and he's been through so much over the years, there is only so many times a child can say how much they hate you without it really getting to you.

Oh forgot to mention that SS is not even my DH's child, but he felt that someone needed to look after him. BM told SS when he was 8 that the man he would stood next to in the park at the time was his real dad.....what an introduction!!!!!
I guess what I need to know is...

Why do the children prefer to be in a deprived surrounding?
What is it about our environment that they dislike so much?