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Happy Valentine's Day!

Java_Junkie's picture

It's DW's ex's week with the SKids, but of course, they come over most mornings before school bus gets here, and this morning was no exception. They even got ON the bed while talking to mommy.

FML...

Java_Junkie's picture

I dunno... maybe I just get depressed about it sometimes. It really feels like my thoughts and feelings don't count for much, and whenever I try to express it, she marginalizes what I have to say like I'm being petty. She said, on Sunday, "Do we need to go our separate ways?" That irked the Hell out of me... Like I'm stressing her out by getting annoyed when her kids annoy me because she's Disneyland Mommy spoiling them, and these kids act like they ARE the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. Huh, well... DW and our relationship has been the center of my universe, but the relationship and I are not the center of hers because her kids are and always will be.

secret's picture

If she said that, then she's definitely been thinking about it for a long time.

She needs to understand that although her kids are the center of HER universe, they are NOT, for YOU, nor SHOULD they be.

She cannot expect you to blur your boundaries with her kids just because she chooses to.

If she says that again, your response should be:

"If you do not start respecting me as equal partner in this home, and if you do not stop forcing me to bend to your parenting ways, maybe we should. You're their mother, you're not MY mother. I don't want your kids in my bedroom, even if you don't mind. I mind, and that matters TOO. If it doesn't matter to you, then yes, maybe we should go our separate ways, because I can't be with someone who doesn't respect me"

Java_Junkie's picture

If she says that again, your response should be:
"If you do not start respecting me as equal partner in this home, and if you do not stop forcing me to bend to your parenting ways, maybe we should. You're their mother, you're not MY mother. I don't want your kids in my bedroom, even if you don't mind. I mind, and that matters TOO. If it doesn't matter to you, then yes, maybe we should go our separate ways, because I can't be with someone who doesn't respect me"

Perfect, thank you!

Ispofacto's picture

Since you don't have any kids of your own, maybe you have other family members who would like to visit your bedroom through this open door policy? Your brother, cousin, nephew, can come visit you and your wife in bed. Sounds marvelous. Invite the neighbors too. Your close to them too, right? I'd come over, but we don't live in the same city.

Java_Junkie's picture

My adult son (19) has been over, and has occasionally spent the night, basically when DW is traveling and her kids are w her ex. When I fell asleep on the couch, my son went to my bedroom and slept on my side of the bed. When she found that out, the look on her face was like I let him use her toothbrush. I stopped short of asking her what her problem was, because when I'm traveling, her kids will sleep on MY side of the bed WITH HER.

Maybe I need to stop with the stopping short, and think of some tactful ways of saying stuff that needs to be said...

Ispofacto's picture

I think your DS19 needs to come over WAY more often. At bedtime, to wish you both goodnight and a chat about his life, and Sunday mornings, for bagels and coffee in your bedroom.

Java_Junkie's picture

LOL, well... I had considered something like that. I just know how ODD it is, and I don’t want my son doing something he and I both know is just plain odd. My son has Aspergers Syndrome and isn’t too great with social skills, and I’m sure he’d think it was odd.

Harry's picture

Locking the door is really a must. If you are having morning fun, you can’t have kids coming into the room. Ang if you really don’t know what going to happen in the AM. The door has to be lock all the time.

Java_Junkie's picture

If you are having morning fun, you can’t have kids coming into the room.

Because her kids come in like they do, we don't have any of that. Beee It's a problem.