Feeling some resentment at the start of blending our familiea
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I have been with my fiance for 2 years and have plans to seal the deal next spring. We are at the beginning of blending his 2 children and my 2 children. I am struggling with accepting his children, especially his daughter. Our daughters are having difficulty accepting eachother.
I am wrestling with feelings of anxiety when we have all 4 for the weekend, resentment when his children take him out of the home and and an overwhelming sense of guilt.
He is a wonderful man and a great father and step father. Some of the many reasons I love him. I want to be a good step mother and partner but I find myself wondering if this is all worth it. Are these feelings normal and do they get better? How do you all cope? Please help!
I think the only reason I was
I think the only reason I was able to get serious with my DH was because I didn't (and still don't) have any kids. Blending a family that doesn't want to blend would be hard and I don't think I could have forced my kids (if I had any) to live with someone elses kids if they didn't get along.
I know that actual siblings don't always get along but it's just not the same.
Being a step parent can be a challenge, add being a parent and trying to do right by your bios=doubly hard. That's why some choose to live separately until kids are out of the house.
Seems to me like the
Seems to me like the following is common (not always, but most cases):
1. If in the beginning, it isn't so bad (or if things are good even!) it may or may not end up working out.
2. If it is difficult from the beginning, chances are slim it ever will.
Look at the available statistics for 2nd marriages when children are involved.
If you are having this much difficulty right away, I think you should live separately until (at least) all kids have launched.
Not easy
Hi!
How old are the kids, and how much parenting time do each of you get? I do think family counseling can help. I think 4 kids can be frustrating, try to identify the worst parts and see if you and FDH can set some rules. As to his kids taking him out of the house, I doubt they are taking him, so I suspect you mean that he goes out with him. He should not be spending all of his parenting time out of the house, but some.
Being a Sparent is hard work.
Being a Sparent is hard work. But, when you are in a true equity life partnership with a quality partner blending a family can be worth it.
Only you can determine if this situation is worth it to you.
My wife and I have done it pretty well but I did not bring any spawn to the marriage. She brought SS-26 to the mix. We married the week before he turned 2yo. So we did not have the complexity of blending to deal with that you have.
I have 2 and he has 2, just
I have 2 and he has 2, just like your situation. The girls do not speak or acknowledge each other at all. It’s been that way since day 1. Mine was 12 his was 15. The age gap school gap was too much. Plus both girls were too shy to approach the other. BUT I’ll take non existent over fighting and jealousy everyday.
Boys are 13 and 14.5 now. They share a room. Get along mostly well but annoy each other like most siblings.
ALL 4 of these kids live in the house full Time. Mine go to their dads 4 days a month and some holidays. Skids here 24/7. We have been together almost 5 yrs. lived together just over 3 years.
How old are all these kids? And what’s quantity of days you have all 4? What’s longest period you guys have had all 4?
What are you guilty about when he leaves with his kids? And what exactly causes you anxiety? Kids being there? Handling 4? Behaviors?