Family vacations...Do they have to include the SS??
I am new to this site. I posted a blog yesterday that discussed some of my issues. But in a nutshell my SS9 and I used to get along up until he started causing problems between me and MIL. Making up lies about me and my 2 kids from a previous marriage. I think it boils down to he is jealous that anyone would be competition for him bc he was an only kid/grandkid for 6 years before that. He lies he steals, he causes constant friction between my SO and I. When he comes to our house (we have him 90% of the time) I cringe. Everything he does annoys the piss out of me, the way he talks, brags, calls my kids names. BM is filthy and sends him over filthy. He shares a room with my son and has given him staph rash twice over the last 2 years. MIL also talks terrible about me all the time. Showers SS with gifts and doesnt allow him to bring them to visit bc my kids 'break all his toys' she says which is completly untrue. He breaks them and tells MIL my son did it so he can continue to be perfect. I am not disillusioned, my kids are NOT perfect by any means but dont put one on a pedastal and make it seem like mine are the cause of every wrong doing. MIL never comes to see the new baby bc it would hurt the SS feelings if he thought she liked the baby more. SO's aunt takes the kid on elaborate vacations and all kinds of things. Sooo here's my dilemma...I am the breadwinner in our household...my SO works but makes 1/2 of what I do. Is it terrible that I havent planned a vacation bc I dont want to do anything for this bratty kid? My kids are getting cheated bc of him. So how do I bring up to my SO that I want to take a vacation without the SS?
Personally, I would never go
Personally, I would never go on vacation with someone else's kids but leave mine at home.
Thus, I would never ask that of the person I love.
I haven't had the luxury of a
I haven't had the luxury of a vacation yet since I've been with SO, but I've already thought it through. When or if the time comes, I will just take my bio-kids on vacation without SO, SS, and SD. If I could pull it off without hard feelings, I would take SS too. I will be the one paying for the vacation and I'm not ruining it by having SD along. For one thing, she's a different age group than the rest of the kids so she doesn't do the same activities as the rest. Wherever we go that means SO sticks with her and I stick with the rest of the kids. Works out OK (not optimal, but OK) for a day event, but not how I'm spending my vacation. For another thing (the main thing), she is ill-behaved, whiny, and unpleasant to be around. I'm not spending my vacation that way either. She'll get to go on vacation with her grandma. My kids won't. Just like the aunt in the OP. I don't know if SO would go if SD didn't go. I hope I get to go on vacation soon to find out!!
Any chance you can work out your vacation when SS would normally be with BM or aunt or something?
You just simply tell him. No
You just simply tell him.
No way would I take skids on vacation.
Exactly. The key word here is
Exactly. The key word here is vacation. Time spent with skids is anything but.
i have to agree with foxie
i have to agree with foxie and 2p.
ss gets all kinds of extras and special vacations, and your kids are left out.
plus, how can a vacation be a vacation with a skid involved.
if i wanted to be miserable, i would stay home with the brat instead of waste my money. which brings me to this point ~ it will be YOUR money wasted.
depending on how much of a bitch you really want to be. schedule the trip when you know ss will be elsewhere, so it's an "oops, i didn't realize" type thing. or flat out tell dh, your pita kid isn't invited
Family vacation? As in your
Family vacation? As in your children from a previous marriage go but not his? That's going to cause a bit of a rift. He has to sacrafice his time doing things for and with your kids but not his.
Now if we're talking about two adults going alone somewhere well obviously leave all kids behind. But it sounds like his step-kids are going while his quality time with his kid is out the window.
Consider this: You two are going to have decades together after all the kids are grown. You take your kids on whatever vacation you wish. He takes his kid(s) on a separate one. You two adults either don't take a vacation if time is limited or if you two have a second week available then the two of you go on a adult vacation.
Further consider this: Kids are already on vacation from school. They don't need to travel. Leave em all behind.
This is a sticky issue. I'll
This is a sticky issue. I'll be the first to admit that the very last thing I'd like to do on my vacation is spend it with SD. She is whiny and wants to order food we know she'll waste. She'll spend inordinate amounts of time in the shower and at the breakfast / lunch / dinner table. We have to pay more money because I refuse to share a "room" with her so we need to get a hotel with a seperate living area and pull out couch. Its annoying and I hate it.
That said, I would never tell my dh "we're going on vacation without your kid". If she were here eowe, I might because I am a firm believer that if you don't contribute to a household, you don't benefit from it, but she is here 1/2 the time and does have some responsibility here.
DH and I do go on long weekend trips with just the two of us and trips with dh, myself and DS. We do that for several reasons 1) SD goes on trips with her mother that does not include DS and 2) DS lives here 100% of the time and has responsibility 100% of the time and therefore gets more rewards and opportunities and 3) I work and bring in income and can afford trips for our son. I don't think I should have to do so for SD.
I think I will use some of
I think I will use some of these suggestions. I get more paid vacation time than him anyway so maybe I can just make a getway with my 3 bio kids. I will let him know he is more than invited but this is for quality time with my children and that the SS gets more than enough vacations that my children are not included in. SS never gets left out of anything, I have included him in every family outing up to this point. When we go to concerts, amusement parks, all of that stuff on my dime I pay for him right along with the other kids and the whole day is whining and complaining about everything by the SS. I feel like it cheats my kids out of the experience because everything the whole day is focused on him. Which is exactly the way SS wants it. I am resenting the fact that he gets to do so many things but I am expected to be another person showering him with gifts and trips like everyone else in his family. My kids only have me. So if I dont do it they dont get it. And I dont think its fair to make them share what they do get with a self entitled child who acts like the world revolves around him.
I think that is fair.
I think that is fair.
I am in a little bit of a
I am in a little bit of a different situation but I told my DH that I will not take his kids on vacation. It will be me, him, and our son. I made it seem ok to him by telling him we would go on a day trip to a theme park or something with all the kids.