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EX's with EX's.... and Kids involved..... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

livinglife's picture

:? :?

Ok so my ex husband decided to date my boyfriend's soon to be ex wife.... Me and my boyfriend live together now, and after 5 weeks of knowing each other my ex decided to move in with my boyfriends ex... Pretty screwy huh? Well they have two children together ages 9 and 7... me and my ex have a 5 year old so together that is 3 children..ahh!~ Anyways I dont know what my ex is thinking this woman has some serious issues in which her children were taken away into state custody because of it but the state of mass decided to give them back to her.... anways back to topic so we have his children every other weekend and the weekends that we dont have them they have my son... The children have some issues as well... the 9 yr old hits my 5 yr old son, they use bad language, they are just plain rude, and put my son down all the time.... When getting into my relationship with my boyfriend who ive known for 10yrs i never thought it would be this hard... The children wake up at 4am and decide to wake my son up who doesnt wake up until around 9... their father "feels bad" and is constatnly "boys relax, boys thats not nice" but there are no concenquences.. in which my son doesn something he either gets something taken away or goes to his room... My boyfriend is constantly talking about "his boys" and never makes my son one of "his boys" ... i think hes afraid that if he does that than my ex will start acting that way towards "his kids" and he doesnt like it.... both boys having eating disorders in which they are afriad to try new foods but how are we to instill new things on them when we only have them every other weekend? I mean one son will ONLY eat.. chef boy r dee spagetti and meatballs, pizza, hot dogs and chicken nuggets.. thats it... nothing else at all... oh wait and ceral in the morning.. nothing else though not chips, not cake, no veggies, NOTHING.... the other son will ONLY eat chicken nuggets, pizza and mac and cheese, and ramen noodles.... thats it!!!! my son will eat whatever i make its something ive done since day 1... but when i make dinner i have to make 3 diff dinners... and its not fair for evan becuase i do make him eat what I cook and i dont give them the choice, i told my boyfriend well if they dont like it they can have peanut butter and jelly.... he thinks its too harsh..... AHHHHHHH help me... i almost want to leave on the weekends!!!! than my poor son has to deal with it every single weekend because when he goes to his dads they are there too... We mentioned swapping weekends the weekends that we have the boys they take mine.... and vice versa but his ex says "oh i need a weekend to myself" wake up lady you are a mother and dated a guy with a son....I have to deal with it so do you!!!!!!! ugh!!!! help!!!!!

Onemorewickedwitch's picture

OMG I was in a similar situation and it is so f****d up! I don't have kids so it wasn't as complicated but my question is... how long have you been with your BF? you mentioned his "soon to be ex wife" so Im assuming not that long. In my case they found a shoulder to cry on and someone to share their hate and resentment towards us... they eventually broke up but it was a little disturbing... my ex told the BM a bunch of private things about me, showed her some of our pics etc that she had no business to know about. I'm pissed just thinking about it. 

Anyway.. your BF needs to nip the situation in the butt with all the boys. How well do you get along with your ex? can you rely on him to make sure your son is safe when he's there?

the kids must be so confused....  however they are bullying your son. If you BF doesn't do anything about it, I'd not stay around... protect your son. 
If you guys manage to stop the bullying, then there is nothing wrong having 2 parenting styles in the house. You parent/discipline your son and he takes care of his unless they cross a line. 

SteppedOut's picture

Definitely do not stay in this relationship if your boyfriend can not stop his kids from bullying your child. Or at least don't live together. How horrible for your son, both at your house and his dad's house! That leaves him with NO safe space. 

SteppedOut's picture

Also.... How did the exes meet?? Do you live in a really small town? That is creepy... they got together to "make you mad"...? 

Rags's picture

Hmmm?  Actually you don't need to make three different dinners.  Make one and whoever does not eat it can go hungry. The SS's can go all weekend without eating and it won't hurt them a bit.   Just make sure you make enough for everyone whether they eat it or not.

Now for the violent 9yo who beats your 5yo.  Time to introduce the 5yo to some techniques to send the 9yo crying to mommy or daddy.  Biting and drawing blood is a good one when a  significantly younger child is physically assaulted by an elder child.  Or, a nice sized stick induced ass whuppin.  All the 5yo has to do is beat the snot out of the 9yo one time then tell him that if the 9yo ever puts a finger on him again that the 9yo should never go to sleep when the 5yo is in the house or the 9yo will experience pain like he has never before experienced.

Bullies are pussies and all it takes to fix them is for the victim to go ape shit on them one time and draw notable blood or leave notable bruises.

My little brother was one to figure this out in a hurry.  When he was bullied by older bigger kids, he found that a baseball bat got his point across quite well.  

I was in my early teens when I figured out that the only way to solve a bully problem was to cause enough damage to the bully that they got the point.  After that no bully ever approached me at that school ever again.  After that I changed schools 4 more times and bullies seem to always like to try the new kid.   So, when they attempted to bully me, they were introduced to behavior modifying pain.   All it took was once per new school and I never had another problem with a bully.

9yo needs the 5yo to deliver the lesson.  Painfully and not stop until an adult drags him off of the bully.

I feel for all of the kids in this situation.  None of them get a break or have their mom or dad time without someone elses kid interfering.