DH and BM planning my life

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I missed 2 calls from BM today so I called DH to see what was up. He then told me BM was dropping off SS for an unspecified amount of time. I was fuming bc we had an appt for DS1 tonight and tomorrow I have 2 very important appts for my bios. SS and DD don't get along so it's not easy to take them places together, especially without DH. I was FUMING all night and DH basically told me to suck it up, that I was a bitch and that he would do ANYTHING for his son. Not a thank you or I'm sorry for not checking with you first. My marriage has NO communication and whenever BM needs ANYTHING DH is there to pick up her slack as she is a failure as a mother. I'm always on the back burner. My needs mean NOTHING when SS is involved. DH is mad that I blew this out of porportion. Maybe I did but I am SOOOO tired of being the last one to know what is going on in my own life. He told me tonight that "its not babysitting! he is my son! he needs to be taken care of!" Ok well I should have said "I have been taking care of him all damn day and I will be the one taking care of him tomorrow and no one even asked me!" He then tried to compare him not checking with me first to me scheduling an appt for DS without discussing it with him first. Well, I did discuss the appt and I rescheduled everything to coordinate with DHs schedule. I tell him EVERYTHING yet BM seems to know more about whats up with my life than I do. As I tried to talk to DH again after the fuming anger subsided, he fell asleep. Thats how important my feelings and thoughts are to him. I feel lik it's " SUCK IT UP! DO EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE AND NO DON'T EVER EXPECT A THANK YOU FROM ANYONE". I know he wants to make sure his son is taken care of and not with some random person BUT I am NOT BMs personal baby sitter. I am her son's father's wife. That's it. I don't owe her anything yet I am always expected to drop my plans, my life, for her convenience. DH says is about the boy not about the bitch but I see it different. SHe controls my life. Whatever she wants when she wants it and I get NOTHING. Half hte time I don't even get informed until she is in my driveway. I feel very defeated tonight and very alone. I didn't realize when I said I do, that I was marrying his Ex as well. I hope that other soon to be step parents read on this blog before hand and realize just how hard life will be with step children. I don't think it was worth the sacrifice. I don't have a partner in life. I have a Disney Dad who will bend over backwards for the whore any day of the week and I get used as a doormat. Wish me luck at the appts tomorrow. I'm sure an eye dr appt for a 1 yr old with DD7 and SS4 is going to be TORTURE. I know I shouldn't be so mad but really I hate sacrificing the needs of my children for SS. It seems unfair to my bios.

"its not babysitting! he is

"its not babysitting! he is my son! he needs to be taken care of!"

Right on, sweetheart-- YOUR son. NOT mine. YOURS and the WHORE'S. Most teenage babysitters'll only charge $5 or so an hour. Start dialing, or take a day of paid time off from work, asshole.

"its not babysitting! he is

"its not babysitting! he is my son! he needs to be taken care of!"

HA!!! Heard that one before too!

Yes it IS babysitting and a unique type of babysitting called "NON-PARENTAL STATUS babysitting"

Where you have the RESPONSIBILITY to cater to Junior but no AUTHORITY to discipline Junior.

NO CAN DO!!

I'm sure guilty daddy is more than overjoyed to bestow "this type" of babysitting duty upon YOU!!

Just once stand your ground

Just once stand your ground and refuse to keep SS. Right now your husband and BM both know no matter how much you complain, in the end you will watch him.

Well, DH has no more vacation

Well, DH has no more vacation days so it would hurt us for him to take the day off. It's 7am and GM on DHs side doesn't want him and GM on BMs side, well it would even be convenient for me to take him there and really...the new wife shouldn't have to deal with the ex girlfriends mother. It's just weird. I've already dealt with SS hysterically crying bc he can't breathe without his father within feet on him. It's going to be a long awful day. DH tried to be sweet before he left for work but I rejected. He could have been nice yesterday. He could have apologized or said thank you but he didn't. He did get the kids up and dressed before he left which was a help but I'm still frustrated. I still don't even know when the whore is coming back for her kid. I understand that DH is trying to be a good parent bc the kid deserves at least one but it's me who has to take on the responsibility. He gets mad when I remind him that SS isn't mine and he gets mad that I don't view him as my own...but how could I? I get included in NOTHING involving SS. He doesn't tell me anything. DH and BM go to all his drs appts together, etc (even tho DH comes to almost none for DS). It's hard to love a child like they are ur own when CLEARLY I'm not even remotely involved in his life expect when convenient for his parents. Oh well. I will try to make the most of this day. Next week, my bios and I are going on vacation for 4 days. DH is/was mad that he and SS aren't coming but it's a vacation for ME. I don't want to fight or listen to the kids fight. If I just remember to breathe, I should make it through...wonder when BM is going to decide she' ready to be a responsible parent and come for her kid? I having a feeling it won't be today.

It's just getting worse and

It's just getting worse and worse as BM decides to demand more from us. DH says she never used to ask me to take him and now she does. So he is sooo grateful for this he won't put her in her place. SS coming first just shows more and more. I see a steady downfall here and no sign of improvement. I also love my husband but I don't think I can give up the next 14 years of my life and alot of money to deal with this mess. More times than not, I'm not happy and it usually has something to do with his previous relationship.

I understand. My DH kind of

I understand. My DH kind of expects without saying in so many words that I will always sacrifice myself as he does himself for his daughter. He can't grasp that putting her first before myself is not a priority like it is for him. He has told me before that he wants for us to pretend like BM doesn't exist, and provide for SD as much as we can because BM will most likely not be pitching in anyways. He tells me I shouldn't worry about what BM doesn't do for SD, I should only be concerned with what we DO provide for her. Basically he wants me to step up and pick up BM's slack for the sake of him feeling like he properly provides for his daughter. I guess I just expect to get the short end of the stick now because his daughter has always and will always come first. I also feel like my DH caters to BM and would rather avoid conflict with her, than avoid conflict with me. BM has never thanked me in fact she has outright told me that it is not her job to appreciate what I do for their daughter. That if anyone should be grateful it should be DH, not her. What a joke these BM's are.

Well, the BM in my life told

Well, the BM in my life told me that HER son with MY husband is NONE of my business. That she doesn't wish to discuss it with me, etc. If there is any issue, DH needs to talk to her then when DH talks to her she says what happens at our house is none of her concern! DH expects me to do the same and pick up the slack but then he doesn't involve me in any decisions or even let me know about SS's general health issues and doesn't let me parent him at all. So basically he wants me to be everyone's sucker. All responsibility but no authority. How depressing