When I was alot younger I hurt my mother's feelings in the same way, but unintentionally. A family friend of my (now ex) future husband asked me if I'd like to go check out gowns at a store I hadnever been to. I was clueless and didn't realize the significance of looking at wedding dresses. I also thought she was just showing me the store but I did end up trying dresses on, though I didn't buy one. I never would have done this without my mother if I realized how hurtful it would be. I am guessing your daughter is probably the same-just not realizing the huge significance. Hang in there, BlondKajun.

i would suggest you say something to her when you have gathered yourself better. And just say something to the extent of "oh honey what a beautiful dress, i wish i would've known you were going to look at dresses. i was really looking forward to being there with you for that. Maybe when you go to look at (what ever else) wedding cakes, I can come along?"

I think it is a subtle way of letting her know you were bummed and want to be there for the rest. Cause like IAW said, maybe your bd just wasn't "thinkin"

Not to minimize how you are feeling, but IMO, the whole process of preparing for weddings, picking out the dress, etc. is SO overrated. And those stupid TV shows about it doesn't help any. She probably has no clue that it's that important to you. She knew she needed a dress, and she went and got one. She has not been a mom, so she can't see this from your point of view. As little as I cared about weddings, I would've done the same thing without even thinking about it. I think this is one of those things that happens in blended families and remarriages. Are you bothered more bc you think they did it on purpose, or because you really wanted to be there?

My daughter lives a couple of hundred miles from me, and I had the same situation, except my daughter bought her wedding dress with her FMIL and FSIL. However, she had gone looking for dresses with me near my home, we spent a day doing this, before she decided on one she'd seen where she lives.
I think your daughter probably just didn't realise the significance of this action and how important it is for mothers to shop for a dress with their daughter. Young people can be thoughtless.

My daughter would not allow me to go with her to buy a pram for what was to be my first grandchild. She wanted to do this with her husband. Now, I get that they had started their own family and it was their place to do this. But my grandson is now 4, I have 3 grandchildren in total, and another on the way. You know what, it still hurts that I was left out of buying such a significant item. Footnote: The pram didn't work out, the second pram didn't work out, the third pram didn't work out.....she did take me shopping when she needed the fourth pram. Still hurt me though. I suspect your daughter just went looking for dresses with them, and saw one she fell in love with. I get how hurt you are though. I agree with a poster above who says, get yourself together, tell your daughter how much you love the dress, glad she found it etc., and as you couldn't go with her for the dress, you would love to go with her for the cake. You really don't want this to blow up and cause problems re: the wedding. Even though right now you might want to let her have it boots and all, you would regret that down the track. I am sorry this happened to you, and I do understand, but try to go with her for the cake.

I guess I am a contratain. Though I completely understand the hurt of not being asked to go look at dresses, I would not have stayed in the background. I would have been in my kids hip pocket asking "when are we going dress shopping?" if I were you.

I find that if I want things done or if I want to be involved then I have to be involved and not wait for others to involve me. I also make it clear that if they do not want me involved then they can just tell me and I will either honor or their request ... or not. My call not theirs.

I am sorry your DD has hurt you.

My SS has once again broken his mother's heart ... and mine. But, I am taking the problem head on and he will either fix it or suffer the consequences.

If I were you I would call your daughter and let her know how you feel and tell her about the cool dress shop you have scheduled an appointment with for her to try on some Vera Wangs and a bunch of other high end dress designers. Heck, if your XH is buying you might as well help your DD get the absolute best that she can with his money. }:)

Unless you've had a horribly strained relationship with your daughter, she probably didn't do this to hurt you. I did a lot of my wedding dress shopping on my own (because I travelled with work so much at the time).
If you travelled specifically to pick out wedding dresses, then I agree it would have been nice of her to wait and get your opinion. However, if it's something she loves she was likely too excited to think about anything else (including her loving mother).
Her wedding is a huge thing for HER. I know it's important to mothers too but try not to make it about you. Jump on board and ask her what you can do for her to help her make the day even more special. Ask for a specific responsibility so that you can feel involved (She may like someone to plan a kick ass shower for her).
I know it must be hard that your daughter has developed a strong relationship with another woman but this alone does not diminish the one she has with you.
Happy planning.

I come from an intact family but I'm going through this right now.

I don't want a big fancy wedding, my mom on the other hand, does.

We have come to blows already over certain issues where she wants to make it extravagant, I just want it over with. But in the end, it's my wedding and I will do how I see fit and if she can't respect that, I can't give her any opinion on what is involved. I know it must have hurt a lot but please understand that we don't do it to hurt you, we just have different ideas of how we would like to do things.

I would talk to her, and talk it out with her. But with the wedding dress thing, my mother was paying for it so I did take her along instead of my friends, who wanted to do it with me. If I was paying for it, I would do it myself and with my friends.

I'm sorry, I know how much it must hurt, and you remind me that I need to be nicer to my mom about this wedding thing, she is just excited.