I just feel like ranting, I've ranted to some family members, my best friend, but sense none of them have gone through anything like this. they always seem to be lost when giving any advice or fully knowing what I am talking about.

I have known my current boyfriend for a little over 2 years, 7 months we have been together. we really do get along great, until the custody, ex wife, kid drama comes into play.

currently we've been living together half the time at his parents, while were remodeling a house to move into soon. so I'm there most of the time. at first he had half custody, he got him all the days that he was off work so based on his hours 2 weeks out of the month. he seen him the same amount of time he would if he had him full time, sense on his work days he sleeps then works 12 hour sifts. But yet he still had the guilty dad syndrome. after the new relationship phase wore off, I got to see how he really was with his normal life routine. The normal average day gos like this.

3 year old wakes up, he makes him breakfast. after breakfast is over, dad will play with him non stop the rest of the day. Toys for a little bit or go outside for a hour or two, then the rest of the day is spent with them both playing video games up until 11pm - midnight. I would guess a good 7 to 8 hours a day is spent on video games. If my boyfriend decides to get up to do something else, 5 minutes later his son will yell and cry for him to come back and play video games. at first he will say hold on or no, but after 1 minute of screaming and crying, he gives in and gos back to playing video games. It doesn't matter what hes doing, even if we are in the middle of a very serious conversation. 30 minutes later he will come back and try to finish the conversation, but forgets most of what we were talking about. and then same thing happens again, its like that throughout the hole day. This will make any problem that me and my boyfriend are trying to fix take weeks to a month to fully resolve, some issues we still haven't resolved over a 6 month period. after the very long play day, he gives his son a bath, this will give me and the boyfriend 10 - 15 minutes to spend time together. then its bed time. alot of the time my boyfriend will be so tired that he will go on to bed, or we will have very little time together before he passes out.

What his 3 year old wants his 3 year old gets, when he throws a fit for a toy while were at the store, he always gets one. When he wants someone to play with him, he throws a fit and someone always plays with him. But not only the dad treats him this way, the entire family does it as well.

His son developed a very bad attitude problem, is always hitting and kicking people, screaming at them or yelling, is always very demanding. Of course my boyfriend realizes this is a problem, but at the current time isn't enforcing punishment. when he gets a time out, he will cry and pout on the couch, and someone always gos over there to comfort him and talk in a soothing voice to try and make him feel better. But I feel like by doing that, the kid is not learning anything. especially sense after 3 minutes of time out, hes gos right back to doing the same things over again.

Its starting to get so bad, that if I'm just sitting there watching tv, or even just walking through the room, that sometimes his son will yell at me for no reason. and say things like, "I wasn't talking to you" , "just leave me alone" , I have been around many children, and they all love me to death, none of them have ever yelled at me randomly like that or constantly hit me.

I know alot of the anger problems have came from the BM home, and I feel like my boyfriend wont do anything to correct it, and with his spoiling ways is only encouraging it and making it worse. But when I talk to him about it, he really doesn't take it to seriously. especially about the letting his son play more independatly part and the not giving in so easy part. not breaking away from his son sometimes is also, hurting our relationship.

I suggest that sometimes we get a baby sitter to spend some adult time together. I don't suggest that it be an all the time thing. but I don't see how a few times a month for us could be a bad thing, it would actually give us time for strengthening our relationship, and bring us closer together. One time I suggested we go out to do some shopping together for the house improvement, and get something to eat, and just have some time to talk. I tried to plan it on a day when the BM had there son. He told me, that he would rather wait till his son was there so he could go with us and postpone it till next week. this of course pushed my anger button. lol cause he knew i had been wanting a nice date to ourselves for a long time, and the hole reason i wanted to go in the first place was for us, not cause i wanted a family fun trip. lol I told him, you know that your son will get whiny and want to go home the hole time were out, because we will be doing things that appeal to adults not kids. and told him that there should be some days for just us, and scheadul family oriented things for days all of us go out. he aruged this with me and told me one of his favorite lines.. "my parents never went anywhere without us "my mom, stayed home with us all the time". the hole time I'm thinking, so basically you want me to be a mom with no life, who just does the deed with you as our "alone time" ? after 2 weeks of arguing over that, we finally went out, we had a good time. and for a moment he agreed I was right. but then went back to same stubborn veiw after it was over. lol

he gos right back to spending 24/7 with his son when hes not sleeping or working. and then tells me that he feels like he doesn't spend enough time with his son? and feels bad about it?

Theres a really good chance that he will get full custody now, and what i want to know, is this ever going to change? will that feeling and viww remain the same or will it start to fade?

on to the 2nd big issue... The ex wife, from the very start of our relationship, anytime she had a problem with her boyfriend, she would called DH, she would have him come over to help move things every time they split up, would call non stop wanting to talk to him, used there son as an excuse to hang out. etc, so I've always know when things went bad for her, she would try to get back with him. sure enough, when her boyfriend finally called it quits on her, she started using the kid as way to get DH back. Saying she wanted to get back for the kids sake, she knew they didnt get along, but its good for the boy to have both parents around all the time. etc... and of course my boyfriend falls for it. he put our relationship on the line twice thinking about doing it. Telling me he loved me and really wants to have a life with me, but he has to do what is best for his kid. I tried to tell him that 2 parents who cant stand eachother and always fighting is never good for a kid. he then tells me, maybe she is mature now and will act civil until he is 18. I can put up with a woman who treated me horribly before as long as my son is happy. first off no kid is happy if the parents are unhappy, and 2nd, everyone knew she was just using him to get the new house, and to use him all for other stuff all over again. he never went through with getting back with her, because he was confused and really didn't want to loose me. but it was still a very rough 2 weeks. he remained confused until his ex wife did something which got her sent to the mental hostpitial, and then realized he had a great chance at full custody. then went back to like oh i can still have a great relationship and my son. I'm glad it was so easy for him to take that lightly. but for me I've been emotionally hurt sense. I'm always thinking, the smallest thing if it has to do with his son, has a great chance of him wanting to leave me. I could understand leaving me if I'm hitting his son, or telling him to choose me or his son. But I've not done anything like that at all. Its always about what makes my son the happiest determines what i do with my life kind of things. He never thinks about his life, his happiness, his wants and needs. Never thinks about my happiness and goals. and would let his child completely get rid of our own lives. I want to be apart of his and his child's life. Not his kid to be the center of my hole universe, to were i have throw aside everything I want so his kid can have what he wants. I've already made alot of sacrafice as it is for him and his kid. I have agreed to move in with them in the middle of no where, when my real passion is to live near a more populated town or city, so that i can work on my goals in art. I'm willing to give up the majority of my free time to help watch his kid. I already know the time I spend making things, going out with friends, doing things I enjoy will be reduced. but on top of that, Im suppose to give up everything I want? and not to sound mean, but this isnt even my biological son. that means if I would put all this time and effort into it, and if I did what he asked, I will have given up my life for someone else, I may never even see again if things weren't to work out. I want to be apart of his life, I want to help raise him and be a good influnce, but at the same time Id like to have my life as well. and even if it was my own child, im pretty sure Id still want to have unique goals, interests, and focus on my happiness as well as there's. not just there's. yes they are kids, but were all human beings. and everyone deserves life in my opinion.

but anyways back to the ex wife, she already hates me, I know the times the kid is with her, she will make him hate me as well. He already told me oneday in the car "My Mommy Hates you" The woman had never met me or spoke to me. I'm basically just a person in her way of getting the DH back. I'm not the kind of person who would have hated her for being the ex, and I would have even been nice to the woman and willing to cooperate with her. but she didn't even give me the chance. so I know this will always remain a conflict throughout the years, especially after reading some of the other posts on here.

The 3rd problem, is the boyfriend wanting me to help him, but not wanting to help me. Now that he has a good chance of full custody hes really pushing the watching his son full time thing on me while he is sleeping and at work. we have had previous arguments about it befor, but now its more serious than ever. The first argument we had was a nasty one. He wanted to know if I could watch him early mornings so that he could sleep after work. I told him that would be hard for me because I have sleep problems related to depression. Its a problem I've always had even in childhood. I told him I don't mind watching him when I am awake, but I didnt want to watch him while Im going on no sleep or very little. because that worsens my depression, mood, and makes me physically sick all day. so at first I asked if the grandma could watch him, shes a early bird, and the relationship was still fairly new at this time. he said that was out of the question, he didnt want to make her watch him, when I would be living with him. I hate taking medication, but I told him if he was able to help me get a sleeping medication for nights I couldnt sleep, then I would watch him mornings. and this was out of the question for him also, because I dont have insurance and he cant afford 20 dollars a month. he told me I would have to do it the natural way, to just go to bed early then get up early. I told him that wasnt a option, as thats not natural for me. lol Instead of taking the sleep problem seriously, he gets stubborn and says "its so horrible that your not willing to help me out" and "I know its such a burden for you with your busy scheadul of sitting at home all day". eventually he threatens to leave me, if I wont watch his son and just do what he says about it. once again back to the fear of him leaving me do to small son related problems. eventually I was like fine, even though I will be sick all day most the time, feel horrible and depressed, and bitter. Ill do it. his reply to that is. so you will watch him then? all I can think, is wow, thanks for caring about my well being and happiness.

this problem ofcourse stressed me out horribly, I didnt know how i was going to be able to do it getting an hour or no sleep then stay up another 12 hours to watch his kid all day. He was litteratly going to turn me into a insomniac. If im stressed out about something, I cant sleep, doesnt matter how tired i am. Ill pass out for an hour then wake back up. I dont want to go a full week only getting a few hours of sleep at a time. durring the times i was stressed about the problem I was only getting 4 - 1 hours of sleep a day for 3-4 days at atime befor I would get a full nights rest. The last time we talked about it, in frustrated voice he said fine Ill just get my mom to watch him then. I didnt want to make him mad, I really just wish he would have cooperated on getting the medicine for me, helping him out was never the problem. but he still felt that it was. I know this problem isnt over yet, and when we do move into the house when its finished, it will be brought up again, and probably worse than the befor. I dreading it so bad. Im really hoping he is willing to work with me on it, cause right now it seems like he may be trying. but then again with my luck, it may just be wishful thinking.

Maybe I am just being an awful person here? or not trying hard enough? I dont know.
but to me it seems like he wants all the bonuses of having a live at home wife/stepmom, without being married and without giving me any of the benifits of being married/or a descion making parent. for example, medical/dental insureance from being married, paying for medical things, letting me help make descions on discipline, life goals. He tired to say he was giving me a place to live and food. but I already have that.lol taking care of his son, taking care of his needs, cleaning, cooking. I feel as if I deserve a little more than what I am getting here. I just really hope that when we are living togeather full time and not half time, that things will be different. but Im so scared that they wont get any better and will lead down the road of getting worse.

The only time we have major problems is when its related to his son. and have such a hard time compromising, comunicating, and fixing them. he wants it his way or the high way. 99% of the time on those issues.

sorry for the long rant, if i sound like the most horrible person on the earth. and for the misspellings. lol any advice, tips, suggestions, hope, would be greatly appreciated. : )