I met gf a few years ago. He eventually moved in together-- which was a big mistake as I should've gotten to know the children more. She has two boys one lived with her and the other one lived with his father. They are alright but can be intolerable most of the time and I feel she is to blame for that as she allows their behavior and puts up with it. At the time I met her the children were 13 (16 now) and 7 (10 now).

She thinks of her kids as special as the world revolves are them. At times I feel she only sees herself and her children in the world; it comes off as very selfish.  She doesn't know how to tell them NO and think that they must have everything they ask for.  The youngest one more tolerable than the oldest one. The problem with the youngest one is that everything is a bargain and begging and she doesn't know how to say NO to him. The problem with the oldest one is that he feels he is on our level, he is disrespectful and feels like the world owes him something. 

About 1 year into our relationship the oldest was having trouble in school-- "no one liked him and everyone was picking on him including the teachers". I found this to be not true and saw what it was but the mother didn't. So she decided to homeschool him. I basically took charge of all the paperwork, letters to the school board, school lesson planning and getting it approved so that could happen. I always grew up believing that you can't love the mother without loving the children because they are part of her-- not sure if that theory holds up anymore. So I wanted him to succeed so if homeschooling was the answer I saw no problem with putting in the leg work. 

So fast forward-- the oldest now lives with his dad and the youngest lives with his dad as well so they only come on the weekends and it is HELL most of the time and she will even admit it. We can never have a weekend just for ourselves. I watch my niece and nephew a few times a week for a few hours and I make sure that they are well behaved. I do this for me and for her. I wouldn't want my niece and nephew to get on her nerves so I make sure I keep them in check. 

Her oldest son was using profanity in the house which I didn't approve of. So I spoke up and told him he is not to use that language in our home. He wasn't happy about that but I didn't care. So when he was living he was rude and didn't speak to me (which wasn't his first time but I wasn't going to let this one go). 

So I spoke to the mother about it. I told her the next time he comes I am not going to speak to him as he is old enough to know better. She said she understood (lip-service) and she agrees. Well, when the time came she was very pissed off about it. She said that she feels as if I hate her son. << Keep in mind that I am the one that did 99% of the homeschooling- that she nor his father didn't do but I hate him>> 

She walked around the house gave me the silent treatment all weekend and spoke to her older son like what he did wasn't a big deal. Then the oldest said he wants to live with us for his last year of school. I suspect that is because he doesn't want to get a job and doesn't want to go to college so he can just live there for free--which I am not having!!!! 

The issues are:

1.)She feels that I must take the disrespect from her kids and put up with all of the things that she puts up with.

2.)I feel forgets that we share a home together and think that it's all about her and her kids. The boys share a room (which they have their own bed and own TVs) and we have our own room. I feel as if our room is our room. She will say "oh you can go in MY bedroom and play your video games". 

3.)She doesn't do enough to keep the peace in home. She always says that she is trying but it's not enough. She has to take big steps in curbing their behavior. The steps she takes is for children who are 5 and 6 years old. 

4.)She gets upset if I set in and try to correct them but she doesn't do anything to correct them so I must set back and take it. 

5.)When I bring up the fact that her son disrespects me; she usually uses smokescreens and brings up other small little issues that she never mentions before. I feel she does this in order to try to divert and distract from the real issue. She will say "Well I feel you don't care about me because your niece is sitting in the middle of the walkway and you don't tell her to move when I am coming." << Something small compared to being disrespected. 

6.) I truly believe she doesn't think I hate her son but knows that he is intolerable to try to use that in a disagreement is childish. 

At this point, I feel it best that we live apart or we end the relationship. Living together is fine but mixing her children into doesn't help. I don't blame the children but blame her for not doing her job as a parent and not doing her best in keeping the peace in the household. 

Any opinions or advice? 

Thank you.