You are here

post-hell encounters...just need some advice please

Olivia2020's picture

Submitted by Olivia2020 on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 2:32pm

Hi, 

I escapted hell of exDH and exSD/his 24 yr old DaughterWife just 10 months ago. I didn't know they had the physical part of the 'incest' until I moved into the marital home he and I bought. So exSD was to live with exDH and I for a few months until he could drag her across the finish line with college. Most know I left the house and new marriage after 43 days of witnessing their intimate physical enounters, her ignoring me, him gaslighting me especially when he couldn't make up lies on the fly and her wearing scraps of clothing around Dadddyyyyyy << insert drippy baby voice from DaughterWife. Barf. Both exSD's, ages 24 and 21, ignored me and excluded me from everything...even meals at the dinner table, right in my face, and exDH allowed it. So glad I left and never looked back at those dysfunctional shits. Oh, and BioMom was in on their games too. BM never kept her nose out of the relationship between with exDH & I, as if they never divorced...but he allowed that too. The Narc was getting all the attention HE wanted and I was just the outsider. 

The BM lives not far from me and this is a very outdoorsy touristy community. I hope not, but realize that there will be a time when she and I will be face-to-face somewhere. Her two asshole daugthers visit her so they might be with her too. I feel like telling her, 'How could you abandon your youngest daughter to live alone with her dad knowing that he was having incest with the oldest daugther?' The youngest exSD21 detests her father, she would cringe when he would give her a fake hug, she might not even be his from what he has said, she looks nothing like her sister or him, BM has history of affairs, and exSD21has several NSSI issues and anger, she was on the roller coaster of dysfunction. Youngest exSD21 was the outsider but would turn into a bitch when her older sister (DaughterWife) was around and they would both ignore me. 

I know how to handle exDH when we run into each other. But the BM and her daughters are ones I wish I could say something to. They were liars and sneaky bitches that interfered in the relationship for the 5 years I was with exDH. Yes, exDH allowed all three of them to have info into our relationship, it's on him even after many conversations about keeping our relationship between just us. 

My question: Should I hold my tongue when I see the witch/witches? Look through them like they're invisible? Smile (think evil Grinch grin)? Or just striaight up call them assholes? I always held my tongue around them and when I would ask exDH 'what's going on?' then he would call me 'sensitive' or tell me 'nothing is going on' or 'they ignore me too.'

Or should I just go throw some axes? haha!

Comments

fakemommy's picture

Submitted by fakemommy on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 2:36pm

Pretend you don't know them. It would not be productive to say or do anything else. What would you wish to accomplish? Best to forget they ever existed in your life and move on happily.

Olivia2020's picture

Submitted by Olivia2020 on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 4:35pm

I wish I could tell them how disgusted I was with them. I just don't want to see those ugly people, wish they were not so close. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 2:38pm

If they don't engage with you, don't engage with them. If they engage with you, then unload as you feel appropriate. It's almost always best to avoid drama when you can.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Fri, 01/29/2021 - 10:05am

Look through them with no rememberance of who they are. Keep a smug smile on your face. I agree with the above do not feed the narcs ego.

I know what its like to fantasize what to say or do.  I have many times. I live in a small town and I am surprised I havent seen the donut eating champion BM. Yea I have fantasized saying that to BM LOL 

Like you I am glad to be out. It is true the best revenge is to live a happy life.

Olivia2020's picture

Submitted by Olivia2020 on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 4:43pm

ugh, and I see the BM on the roads here, she was driving behind me one day & again yesterday in traffic, that didn't bother me, it reminded me that she is around here I just wished I never any chance of seeing their ugly selves ever again. They are his flying monkeys for certain. I'm so disgusted with what I finally found out after being played for a fool for so long. I can give them a long hard stare and smile because I am VERY happy to not have been stuck in the pandemic with them and that exDH is far out of my life. They can have each other, yuck! 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 3:35pm

Dont get mucked up by their toxic sludge. Anytime I venture out into the cesspool wanting vengeance, I feel yucky.

Ignore and block.

I live in a small town, very touristy. I have a solid circle, but occasionally the outer circles cross with Toxic Trolls semi-circles (even though she wil go on rages and lose the so-called friends). My closer friends have Toxic Troll blocked, by my suggestion.

TT is not at all sporty, and I am somewhat. I think the only times I will cross her path is at the grocery store or at drop offs.

Best to law low and leave them alone! Vent here.

You found out they were physical too? Oh geeeze. Glad you are out of that relationship!!!

Olivia2020's picture

Submitted by Olivia2020 on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 4:48pm

It hasn't crossed my mind until two recent encounters with her on the road here. 

Yes, daddy was having not only emotional incest with his DaughterWife but physical too..that's when I ran and never looked back. Based on the stains on the couch, he was having fun with the exWhoreWife too. 

Life is GOOD! When I did see the exWhoreWife, I just rolled my eyes...ugh! I was driving in my car with tinted windows...but that was my reaction.

Survivingstephell's picture

Submitted by Survivingstephell on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 6:18pm

I hope you shared your truth with the town gossip.  When you are ready, find the hunkiest guy and have tons of fun.   

Olivia2020's picture

Submitted by Olivia2020 on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 11:14pm

Oh yes...I wish I could find the town gossip and tell all, however, I am so embarrassed to even to have been remotely associated to the exWhoreWife that lives nearby. exDH lives over 2 hours away and is an ugly grey old man for his age while I take care of myself and look much younger. I'm way more fit, educated and successful than exWhoreWife and feel comfortable doing things solo but I always meet people when I'm out in the summer. 

I have had some fun with a younger hunky guy friend and so happy to discover that my libido was only in hibernation, not dead. ;-)  

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 6:21pm

I agree it's best not to say anything. Just smile and grin. If you do end up ever having a conversation with them. Make sure to thank them for everything because you are so much happier now and couldn't imagine being married to exH anymore you aren't sure what you were thinking that you even married him in the first place. You think you must have mistook sympathy for love. 

Let the flying monkeys send that message back to him. 

Olivia2020's picture

Submitted by Olivia2020 on Thu, 01/28/2021 - 11:22pm

My phrase is 'When I accidentally married that person...' and people laugh. Yes, I mistook sympathy for love...you nailed it! 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Fri, 01/29/2021 - 12:46am

Olivia, you've said more than once that there was an incestuous relationship between your ex and OSD. Do you mean that father and daughter were actually having sex?? *shudders*

If that's true, and you do encounter those harpies, I would make sure BM (and any passersby) were informed of it. Drag that disgusting truth out for all to hear, then walk away and leave them to deal with it.

Olivia2020's picture

Submitted by Olivia2020 on Sun, 01/31/2021 - 3:58am

...during the 43 days in the house of hell during the sham of a marriage. Yep, they 'showed' me what he didn't want to tell me. I suspected it from her weekend visits to see him (before the marriage) on weekends when he didn't drive to see me (we lived three hour drive apart)...and when I looked back at my journaling during those visits based on the interactions he and I had on the phone and changes in intimate things following a weekend with just he and DaughterWife. The final pieces of the dysfunctional puzzle fit together a couple months after I escaped hell. Before the marriage, I kept thinking, 'no way, he's boring in bed, she has her college guys to screw, he's Mr LL Bean straight-laced conservative guy, he has stage 4 prostate cancer and no testosterone, his poker face, him not being very sexual with me, etc.' But then he HAD to tell DaughterWife after he got a penile implant during one of her weekend visits with him...just the two of them together. He blurted out on the phone that he told her, I replied, "What did YSD say when you told her too?" Crickets. Apparantly, YSD wasn't privvy to daddy's little silicone penis implant news. It was odd that he would blurt out things like, "I just washed the sheets on my bed!" when I knew she was driving to spend the weekend with him. Who blurts out odd things like this?

Before I left the house of hell and that sham of a marriage, the talk I had with the Narc and DaughterWife in the kitchen one evening included my telling her how inappropriate it was for him to divulge such a personal thing, such as his penile implant to only her, and how her sexual exhibitionism and erect nipples in such close proxmitity to him (during the time of the marriage), all were disturbing to witness. I had a moving date to leave the house of hell so I did get to have a bit of voice in a calm manner. That's when his face turned red. Then he tried to put the moves on me that night & I told him to get the hell away from me. That was the only time in almost 6 weeks of living in our marital home that he tried to be intimate with me. The other time was the morning after the nuptials when I had to remind him to consummate the marriage as he was distracted with DaughterWife on another texting marathon. He must've gotten a thrill watching me converse with DaughterWife about his penile implant in the kitchen that Tueday night. Yuck. I've worked in healthcare for 35 years, I can have a straightforward discussion about topics like this in a very factual and professional manner. 

Now that I"m almost a year away from the crazies...OSD never liked mom, Dadddyyyy (Narc) likely started the emotional incest with DaughterWife (OSD) around age 12 or 13...she was 19 and off to junior college out of town when I met him in 2015. The BioWhoreMom met a guy and moved from living with the Narc straight to living with her now husband when OSD was 18 and ready to graduate high school in 2014. BioWhoreMom left the 15 yr old YSD to live with the Narc since BioWhoreMom & new hubby lived in his place 45 minutes away, way out of YSD's school district. I later learned or witnessed that YSD had a history of self-harm, restrictive food intake, mood swings, not talking, etc. The Narc hated being left to look after YSD and I overheard him call her a bitch a few times when I was on the other level of their rental house. This was in the first few months of seeing him and I knew nothing about raising teenage girls or their relationship. I had no idea what that young lady was going through at the time but he would ask me to check on her after their spats, so I would assess for safety and then she would perk up and tell me in detail how she manipulates him to get what she wants, as she's drying her tears. I told him to never call her names. Oh, and BioWhoreMom still worked nearby so she would spend her 2 hour lunch breaks at the rental house with the Narc, he worked from home at the time, she even had her own section of the frig too, he kept that hidden from me until after the marriage. No wonder YSD was so confused and wanted her parents to get back together because they had no boundaries. I didn't visit that rental house very often, only a couple times when YSD was there to take cupcakes for her 16th birthday when BioWhoreMom couldn't make time to see her daughter. YSD ran into her room and didn't touch the birthday cupcakes, it was clear she didn't get what she expected for her birthday. No gift from her mom, no car like her sister got for her 16th, so she stormed off, wailing about something and slammed the door to her room. I took the 6 delicious and expensive cupcakes home. A few months later, Narc moved out of town for work since he couldn't hold a job. Yep, YSD was abandoned a couple times. 

I would bet that BioWhoreMom knew exactly what the Narc and DaughterWife were up to and they likely teamed up against her. BioWhoreMom isn't the brightest and those two daughters learned her bad behaviors of constantly being on social media/face in phones and ignoring people. How dare she leave her 15 yr old daughter with the sick Narc, not protect the OSD as a young girl and then stay 'friends' with the Narc? As long as he's the center of attention with the daughters then he will pay for all the nice things they drain his bank account for and then some...seeing his debt and financial discovery documents in the divorce was jaw dropping for me! 

"How could you not protect your young daughters from their perverted father? Apparantly you were too busy out chasing d*ck to be any type of mother." This is what comes to mind ;-) 

The time will come when we cross paths and we might just be standing in line near each other around here, ugh