Don't tell her anything anymore! The next time she asks what you are getting them say "I don't know" and leave it at that.

Nah, next time tell her something outrageous. Things that would drive her nuts. A trumpet. Ballet lessons (if it's a boy). I'm sure you can get very creative with this.

Next year.... just don't share the information. Then you will not have to worry about hearing about her buying the same things and knowing she planned it that way.

It is just as easy to say, we are not sure yet, or that we don't feel it necessary to share that information. She is not a priest and you do not owe her a confessional about gifts.

Sometimes keeping information to yourself can be golden.

It sounds to me like two things are going here:

1. she is too lazy and or dumb to know or care what her kids enjoy so she asks you guys, knowing that you DO care and then she just trumps what you did to make HERSELF feel better.

2. she has that mistaken notion that money buys love, so in her mind if she spends more and gets bigger and better everything the kids will love HER more.

What a jackass...next time she asks, tell her you have no idea what you're getting them and a novel idea for her might be to ask THEM what they want.

That is the EXACT same thing that happened to us this year.. BM and BD sat down, talked about the gifts. BD had definite ideas of what we could do that we could afford. BM went out the next day and pretty much bought everything on our list, just bigger.

While poking fun at BM and making claims of buying outrageous gifts are certainly entertaining, after reflection this year we decided the following.

We would all sit down and talk about what the kids want. Each parent picks x-number of items from the list and agree that they will not buy anything designated to the opposite parent.

We were very clear with her, that should this happen again, that the kids will be given the impression that BM and BD came up with the gifts and that they were from both, teaching them it can be the thought that counts, not who bankrolls the gifts.

Good luck to you.. believe me I completely sympathize with your situation..

dont even discuss it.

my parents never did and we never had any duplications.
but my dumb SO told the BM what he got the year before last and lo and behold she got everything on his list.

Either a

say you dont know

or b

make up something ridiculous

my skids get duplicates but toys/clothes/everything we purchase stays at ours anyway so no one is the wiser.

Once an X has proven that they are untrustworthy you can never trust them. So don’t.

This is a great example of this philosophy. When she calls for any information, DH should ask a few questions (hey, he might as well get some good info for future conflict with the X) then tell her, we don't know what we are getting the kids yet.

Then don't discuss it again.

Or, go with the suggestion of ridiculous crap. We are digging a basement and are going to give the kids a nice new bedroom in the cellar. We are getting the kid a grow light for his plant growing experiments. He is really interested in cannabis cultivating techniques. We are getting the kids all tattoos for Christmas.

Either way, have fun with it.

Best regards,