Camp question
I have a BS11 from a previous relationship and a SD12. BM asked DH to pay half for SD to go to an overnight camp. He asked for details of the camp and told her he would let her know after he did research on the camp. He felt the camp was too far and decided he would split the cost for a camp he attended when he was growing up. He gave her the info so she could check it out and informed her they have the same camp director from when he was a kid. She complained the camp was too expensive when its actually less than the one she wanted SD to attend and included more activities. In the meantime I also looked at the camp and felt BS11 would enjoy going himself so I asked BD if he would split the cost. Long story short we are splitting the cost for BS to go but SD isn't going. BM decided she would file for CS and doesn't want to split the cost. I kind of feel bad that SD is going to miss this opportunity but refuse to pay the entire cost for something BM initiated. Do you think I'm being petty? What would you do? Oh yeah SD knows BS is going and is upset.
Not your problem to pay for
Not your problem to pay for Stepkid. The bio's should figure it out. We pay for SS to go and BM pays for the other child. When we had 50/50 the rule was whoever initiated, paid.
Our BM actually did something
Our BM actually did something similar a couple weeks ago. She signed SS12 up for a series of different (and expensive) "day" camps that last almost all summer, then demanded that DH pay half of the cost after the fact.
She never consulted with DH regarding whether he thought sending SS to these camps were a good idea, or which ones SS should attend. (They have 50-50 custody, so SS is with us as much as he is with her.)BM just called to announce that she had signed him up and told him to send her a check--that is the first we heard about it.
My husband was livid because she didn't even ask him for input, and these camps occur on days that he normally spends with his son(DH is a teacher and has summers off.), not to mention the unplanned expense.
We haven't sent her anything yet, and I don't know that we will send her anything, frankly. She gets a very tidy sum each month in child support, even though they share custody and residence 50/50.
DH had full custody of SD's
DH had full custody of SD's when he and BM split. She paid him cs every month. When it came to anything for the girls, even just borrowing a pencil for homework from BM while visiting her, she would go to DH house and demand the money. SD's spent every other wknd and every Tuesday with BM. If DH did not give them enough lunch money for two days on Tuesday morning BM would drop them off and tell them to starve. They weren't even allowed to pack a sandwhich for lunch when at her house! What really was messed up was that at the begining of each school year she would tell them she would take them shopping for some clothes and shoes. DH would take them for all their supplies and offered to get new clothes but BM insisted. Then BM would give him the bill when she would drop them off. If he didn't pay then she wouldn't send the following months cs. When I came into the picture it changed because I put my foot down right away. I made sure they had what they needed for everything. I took them school shopping and the one time they didn't have money for lunch I went to the school and gave it to them. BM took them shopping one day, showed up with the bill (she didn't know I was home) and demanded he pay. DH said no and she said, "fine, no check next month". So I walked in and told her if she did not send the check by the 5th of the month I would call the police and have her locked up for back cs. I also told her that if she didn't want to pay for all of the things she gave to her bio children as gifts then she should have consulted DH first. She never did it again.
With my ex and DD7 we don't really split anything. DD's father pays for her after school care and pays his older daughter to watch my DD during the summer. I buy everything for school and sports and if I need help I let him know. He covers all her medical items, or so was our agreement, but I pick that up sometimes too. Of course, my ex and I were best friends before dating and we should've stayed just friends. We are good friends now and DH and my ex are friends too so we have no problems on that side.
If the BM is going to do something for the kids she should not expect any outside help, ever. CS is supposed to cover all of the items that the kid needs, including camps and such. If you get extra help thats great but planning to pay alone from the start makes everything easier. If she had done that then your SD would not be upset now. This is so the BM's fault, not yours or DH.