BS- 1 month. Resenting SD3 and sick of everyone babying her!
I am having trouble adjusting to being a new mom of a newborn and I'm starting to resent and not want my 3 1/2 SD around? I know it's wrong to feel like that but I really just don't feel like dealing with her after a long night of no sleep and colicky baby of my own. She just gets under my skin!! The DH works nights and getting his degree in nursing so gone 3-4 days a week until like 4pm on top of 5 nights a week. So he's not home to help much with either of them. I'm thankful I have a DH that isn't a lazy pos but I do wish he were here to help with his kids. On top of all that she has become very mouthy lately and I'm not sure if it's the new addition and her attention has been cut in half or the fact his entire family is still babyin her and giving the "special" treatment so she doesn't feel left out. Well it's been a month and I'm wondering when shit is going to go back to normal and she will be treated like a normal kid!! Her going over to my DH parents house (they are sperated and remarried) and there always being gifts?? Really I'm just overwhelemed and fed up. And frankly sick of the poor poor SD poor poor her. SHE HAS BROTHER! life has to go on. Maybe all the "special" treatmet is making me jealous? Who knows I'm at a loss with all of it.
Echo, I've thought of that
Echo, I've thought of that before, "if the tables were turned on YOUR child..." I reached the conclusion that's all the more reason I CAN'T STAND BM. What woman would sign over her kid WILLINGLY so that she doesn't have to deal with the expense & responsibility?
I see OP's issue is more that BM is a problem, not OP. Most SMs can never truly bond with skids or feel for them unconditionally. We can treat them fair, but we rarely are dying to have them in our family. BM should come to the rescue, not SM!
Our BM has 2 bios and handed both of them to their dads and said, SD is better off with you. BM just doesn't want to deal with it. It makes me sick. I know no one could truly treat my kids the same way I would or love them unconditionally. Especially now that I'm a SM, I know for sure I wouldn't want my BD to be raised by another mom! lol
Echo, I've thought of that
Echo, I've thought of that before, "if the tables were turned on YOUR child..." I reached the conclusion that's all the more reason I CAN'T STAND BM. What woman would sign over her kid WILLINGLY so that she doesn't have to deal with the expense & responsibility?
I see OP's issue is more that BM is a problem, not OP. Most SMs can never truly bond with skids or feel for them unconditionally. We can treat them fair, but we rarely are dying to have them in our family. BM should come to the rescue, not SM!
Our BM has 2 bios and handed both of them to their dads and said, SD is better off with you. BM just doesn't want to deal with it. It makes me sick. I know no one could truly treat my kids the same way I would or love them unconditionally. Especially now that I'm a SM, I know for sure I wouldn't want my BD to be raised by another mom! lol
True that. I was wondering
True that. I was wondering the same thing. Why the hell is OP a SAHM for a 3 1/2 yr old while DH works all hours and how the hell did he get full custody?
It's not that's she's treated
It's not that's she's treated unfair it's really over the top "special" treatment and
I feel like it will never end. I want normal not a beaten step child that I neglect.. Nothing like that. I just want normal ways of treating a 3 year old. And BM is a pos. let's her do whatever and gets her anything she wants.. With the job she DOESN'T HAVE. Se acts like a baby at her moms house or on the transition of pick ups. And its turning into that here Bc now DH side of the family is babying her nonstop since the arrival of her brother. I understand we can't leave her out or make her feel unwanted but there has to be an end in sight somewhere for all of this and my new Feelings towards her.
We have shared parenting. BM
We have shared parenting. BM is in the picture but is more a sister object.
Also not a full time stay at
Also not a full time stay at home mom forever. I'll go back to work full time working 12's in December! Is it also bad of me that the SD already has a sitter for the rare occasion on a weekday there isn't a family member to watch her she has her original sitter.. BM and DH take her to the same one. I have a private sitter who only has one other child to watch BS when I start work.. util he gets out of school. SD behaves so badly when alone in the care of others I do not want her goin to the same one my BS will be at. She can stay at the original. May make it more trips for DH to get the kids but that is HIS responsibility to get her over mine. I've taken on my fare share of BM,DH half the time, and SM all at once for this girl.
This exact same thing
This exact same thing happened to me when I had BD2. DH's family isolated OUR baby because they didn't want SD9 to feel left out. So, SD got extra special baby treatment while the real baby (my BD and their other grandchild) ended up being left out! Overcompensting. It's bullshit.
As for "normal ways of treating a 3 year old," that probably won't happen. I've wanted that for 5 yrs, only to find a dead-end at every damn turn. Being a SM to young kids with a POS BM is nothing but a lifetime of double standards.
I can joke that I want my bio to go live elsewhere when she's irritating me, but I could never joke about SD going away. I can tell my bios "NO" but if I tell SD No, I'm picking on her. If I point out flaws in my bios, DH wants to discuss how to fix them or guide her. If I point out flaws in SD, I'm criticizing her and "never have anything positive to say about her."
YOU CAN'T WIN. The sooner you accept that, the less pain you will endure. I'm really saying that to myself because I still can't accept that I can't win.
I'm glad you don't have a
I'm glad you don't have a lazy DH but it's also not fair for him to expect you to stay at home and parent his child. It sounds like you are on maternity leave since you said you are going back to work in December- maternity leave is to take care of yourself and your newborn, not a 3 year old skid. DH better find a babysitter. I would not be having skid home with me all the time. I'd go insane.
I felt the same way!!! I was
I felt the same way!!! I was like territorial over my son. I hated her by him. And her BM smokes and she always reaks of it and is also always sick. I WILL not let her kiss him. From day one I make her kiss the side or back of his head if I even let her get that close. Get into the habit now bc those germs aren't just your immediate always around germs who knows what that kid is picking up when not with you or who he's around. I'm sure BM doesn't care if she has him around someone with the flu. She's not thinking of you and you're newborn. BM texted DH two days after I delivered and said that she was deathly I'll but couldn't help but let SD still sleep with her in bed bc she couldn't tell her no? she actually texted my husband and said that. And not even a week later she gives him a ring again and said that SD had pink eye in both eyes but she let it go for that long bc she thought it was allergies. (BM and DH switched a few days bc I made it clear I didn't want here there at first) I'm just really not enjoying my precious time with my newborn as I should being so annoyed with the SD and his family.