BM acts like she is still with BF, and like she owes the world!
I am the BM of my 5yrs D, plus me and my boyfriend's 4mnth old son. My boyfriend has three children with his ex (who he can't afford to divorce), so I am BM/SM to 5 wonderful, bright, and artsy children. The kids are great (aside from the issues of missing Mommy and taking it out on me and their Dad), but their BM still acts like she lives here at the house and like she can 'win the war'. I know me and my boyfriend are just living our wonderful Lives together with all of our kids, and there is no 'war' for us to fight. She is Bipolar and doesn't take care of her issues (therapy, pills, etc). We are on the edge of loosing our home, and I think it would be nice to in a bad way... because I CAN'T STAND her just walking in our home without knocking, laying in my bed with BF to talk to him... she kicks stuff, has stolen or thrown our stuff in the trash (which she denies), ignores or is mean to me my D, and the baby... I think if we had to move elsewhere maybe, just maybe she wouldn't feel like she can do these things if it's not the home she once shared with BF. Is it wrong to feel this way... any ideas for me to deal with these issues... my boyfriend acts like we are just two cats that should have our tails tied together... I personally feel he should man up and tell her to back off and be proper, but he acts like it is not a big deal and it shouldn't bother me. Really!? }:)
Ok. Breathing... what do you think?
Well legally they are still
Well legally they are still "together"! How can he afford to NOT divorce her. Not to be rude, but he really needs to change that situation with her, especially now that you guys have a child together. When she walks in, does she have a key to the place, if so change the locks asap! That is an intrusion. NO reason for her to be coming in, your bf can talk to her outside if something needs to be discussed!he definitely needs to man up and tell her to back up. The situation wont change unless he does something about it!
That would drive me out of my
:O :O :O
That would drive me out of my mind. " laying in my bed with BF to talk to him" that jumped out at me, HELL NO! FDH needs to man up her, and back that bitch up out of YOUR bed and out of YOUR house. You should raise hell about her just walking into your house, she doesn't live there anymore!
Technically if he is still
Technically if he is still married to her and it is there marital home...aren't you the imtruder? Until there marriage is over you are just the other women whom he happened to knock up. Tell him that he must go and file now and if he doesn't or has a excuse why he cant...then you must leave him. Take your baby and leave. I know that will probably be hard but seriously....you have to. This will not change until your BF wants it to....and why would he? You allow it. His wife allows it. Lucky him. If she is still comfortable enough with him in this home to crawl into bed next to him to "talk" then you are in some serious trouble.
I have to agree with
I have to agree with MammaBecky on this one.
Honey, this story has so many
Honey, this story has so many red flags in it. :jawdrop:
You are not SM you are in fact the other woman, and committing adultery. Wake up. Your BF needs to get his act together.
BTW, I'm guessing it is her home not yours. Who's name is on it?
You are going to continue
You are going to continue "losing the war" until you make him man up. One, he needs to get that divorce official. If he wont divorce her...if he won't put her in her place...if she feels she is welcome to come in anytime....honey, this man is NOT giving you the respect you deserve. I wouldn't dare stick with him if he didn't put me first. Legally you are the "other woman" and BM knows this and will hold it over you until HE changes it.
Even if there are no monies
Even if there are no monies for a divorce per se, most states offer free legal aid for those who qualify.
Trust me here--if you need a divorce that badly, there is help out there to do such.
good luck.
Well, she has been gone for
Well, she has been gone for going on 3 years now. He is thinking of filing for abandonment because she left him. She freaked out and blamed her messes in her life on him.. even the ones that happened WAY before they meant. But the three kids between them is one of the issues with a divorce, we know she will fight in court for them if he does divorce her, despite the way he does it. That is the big dollar issue.
On the house, it is a rental that we are trying to buy, and it is month-to-month will a new lease each month her name hasn't been on it still the month after she left. So it's not her residents. I have been doing return to sender on her mail (with my BF permission).
On the 'other woman' thing.. I am the 'other woman' to the point of legal sense. But I am the only Mate of my BF. We love each other deeply, and he does love her I know, they were together 9 years (only 8months married thou). I would like the option to marry him...
But just need to know how to deal with the EX..
You can get divorce papers
You can get divorce papers online for 20 dollars. If they agree to what is written then all they have to do is pay for a notary( if you have a bank you could get it done for free) and pay to have it signed by a judge. Then it is legal. All in all it would only cost no more than 50 dollars.
Go file for child support for
Go file for child support for your child now. Before bm files for her three. Doesn't matter how old they are or if he's married to the baby mamma. What matters is first come first serve and if there's a cso In place, that reduces his income so she will have to pay more cs to him.
And then make him get a divorce or move out.
I would freak out if my BF's
I would freak out if my BF's ex was just walking into our house and lying in our bed with him. Thankful for me, he hates her. She has only been in our house once and I made the experience as uncomfortable as I possibly could, which didn't take to much. Believe me when I tell you she deserved it. I didn't say anything mean. Infact I didn't say anything at all.
I think that you should talk with your BF and tell him how you feel about this whole situation. He may not think it's a big deal, but the bottom line is it's not how he feels, it's about how you feel.
Regardless if you are the other women, the Ex knows that he is with you and should have no right to just walk into the house and lay in your bed to chat with your BF.
You can go to a paralegal and have them draw up all the paper work for around $200 dollars. I would advise doing that instead of trying to do it yourself only because most of them have been doing it a while and will talk with you first about how you want it written up and if you're missing an important detail, expamle - mother(ex) can not take the kids out of the state without BF's approval, they will let you know. From there you need to have the papers served and file them with the courthouse. Because there are kids involved your BF and his Ex will be court ordered to attend a parenting class together where they have to watch some movies and they have to sit down and come up with a parenting plan. If that works you shouldn't have to worry about attorney fees. If it doesn't work, then you might be looking at getting a lawyer. The court system will probably order the two of them to go through mediation first before it will be heard before a judge.
Good luck and I hope everything works out.
Honey- not to be a bitch but
Honey- not to be a bitch but WTF are you thinking? My life is in no way perfect but this man is making a fool out of you! Your better than that. Obviously this man likes the attention from his ex. If my FH's ex walked into our house w/o knocking let alone try to crawl in bed with him he would literally toss her out the window by her hair! I don't know you or him but there are so many glaring neon flashing red flags in your posts it amazes me! As far as not having $ to divorce that is a total load of crap. I don't know where you live but in my state (michigan) i filed for divorce MYSELF w/o any legal help for 20 bucks! I went to the courthouse and asked for the paperwork i needed and also asked for a waiver to have the judge waive the cost of the divorce because i didn't have much money. They almost always approve this waiver!
I feel for you and don't want to hurt you worse than this situation already is but this is total bullshit that this man is allowing this crap to continue. Personally I would give him 30 days to file for divorce or he moves the hell out until he does. He's got a pretty cozy little thing going on for him right now and i bet he's loving every second of it. Until you put your foot down NOTHING will change except for it worsening. For the sake of your children take the reins and give him an ultimatum!
Hope it works out for you!