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Blending extended families

Hbell20's picture

Does anyone have issues with step-uncles, aunts, or grandparents treating bio kids differently than the step-kids, and if so, what is a good way to resolve this issue peacefully?

Rags's picture

Oh yes.... well at least sort of. We had this problem to deal with in spades during our years living under a Custody/Visitation/Support order.

In our case it was not my family or my bride's family that were the perpetrators. It was the SpermClan. Primarily SpermGrandHag though the GGPs, my son's aunt, and SpermGrandPa were all participants in treating him very differently than his three younger half sibs or cousins. Most pathetically even the SpermIdiot participated.

My parents, my brother and his family, and my extended family of Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and my GrandParents all accepted my SKid as their own on day one and have never treated him as anything but theirs.

On the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool no one behaves as they would had they accepted my son as their own since he is mostly beyond their ability to control, manipulate, and take advantage of. Most pathetic in this is that he is their eldest child/grandchild/nephew/GGK/sib, etc.....

The SpermIdiot has 4 out of wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas, two of the baby mamas were under age statutory rape victims including my bride. My SS-24 is his eldest and our only. The 2 youngest spawn are firmly wrapped in the web of the SpermClan and drink the stench of the genetic cesspool they are part of with relish. They are in their mid to late teens and may yet gain clarity but for now they are drinking the stinky KoolAid. My son and #2 have gained clarity on their paternal bio clan and have separated themselves from the toxicity. My son far more so than his younger half sister but she has enough clarity, confidence, and intelligence to detest their sperm donor and recognize that SpermGrandHag is the root of the gene pool toxicity. My son is hopeful that she will separate herself further as she gets older and that the two youngest half brothers will do the same eventually. It is a tougher road for them than for my son since he is the only one raised away from that toxic family stew.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I would just teach all kids to be charming guests. Then they will be welcome and inspire affection wherever they go.

I don't think it can hurt to teach kids that some people are their actual relatives and some people are their special relations -- make it a different category.

Only one person married the spouse with pre-existing kids -- the aunts and uncles did not. They are under no obligation to offer the skids anything but cordial hospitality like they would a neighbor kid.

I'm an advocate of teaching kids early that the world does not owe them. Start teaching them what they can offer -- charming guest attributes -- rather than what they can take all the time.

Acratopotes's picture

No issues here cause both families are adults... oh I just had to say that lol... very snotty I know

Truly have no issues, my parents are friendly with Aergia but that's that, they do not like her very much....
SO's family is friendly towards Deigma and admitted they like him more then Aergia...

I write it off against boy and girl - told SO both families are more male orientated then girl orientated thus they will like any boy better, I know it's not right but that's how it is... now SO is happy, that's all that matters

sunshinex's picture

My entire family took in SD as their own before I did! lol she is the closet grandkid to my mom and stepdad because she lives closest. They have bio grandkids they don't often see whereas they see SD every weekend. They sometimes offer to watch her on the weekend so we can have alone time and they spoil her more than their other bio grandkids (again, because they see her more/know her better). My grandparents live further away but ever since they met SD, they've been great about including her... sending her birthday cards/christmas gifts and such. My whole family sees her as my daughter and they treated her that way even before I did.

Maybe it's different considering that I came into SDs life when she was just over a year old and BM is out of the picture pretty much. She really has been raised by my husband and I and my family knows that. I don't have bios yet, but I'm confident she'll be treated exactly the same as any bios I have in the future. If my family didn't treat them equally, they wouldn't be allowed to come around and all gifts/presents given to my bios would be given back until they can treat SD the same.