Biomom vs. Stepmom
I'm new to the whole blended family situation. I've seen others that are close to me work through the problems, but they always had a sort of hatred or disagreement with the biomom, so their situations seemed pretty cut and dry. I've always made it my mission to see things from her POV, and I understand having a new woman in her child's life can be very difficult and sort of intimidating. I feel the exact same way about her. I, unfortunately, don't have a lot to offer the child. He's incredibly intelligent and his parents are the exact same. My intelligence is not as advanced as his, but I've found a few things to relate to him.
One of the biggest things I've been able to relate to him about is Star Wars. I've watched the movies and tv shows just so I can better understand his love. I used to work at Disney World, so I thought it would be a fun bonding experience for us to go to Disney World, and specifically going to the Star Wars land where we can build droids and lightsabers together. I was prepared to spend hundreds of dollars so we could experience this together. I've been planning this for well over a year now (2019), and we brougth it up to his biomom and stepfather about 6 months ago, just to let them know it was in the future.
His biomom has now told us (as of 04/26/2021) that she's taking the kiddo to Disney. While I understand this may be something she has genuinely wanted to do, she is planning for it to be the week before the kiddo's birthday, which is about a month before we were planning on going. So now I just feel like this has been ripped right from under me. I know it would be a different experience with them and with us, but he's not one to enjoy things more than once. The second, third, forth time is always a comparison to the first. I wish I could say that I don't believe this was meant to be vindictive, I 100% believe she's planning this so we won't have the 'first time experience' with him, and it's honestly heartbreaking.
I've told my partner about it, but I don't want him to worry about my connection with his son, understandable so. I just want to brush it under the bed and ignore it, but it's honestly so hurtful and discouraging and I worry that, as long as I'm around, this is going to continue to happen. Any advice from any stepparents that have had disagreements and have butted heads with the bioparent would be greatly appreciated. We're all still so long and feel that we could have a cohesive and civil relationship with one another, but that seems to be the opposite of what she wants. TIA