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Advice please to those with bios who are seperated from the father

Sootica's picture

Hello

I'm 33 with no bios.My SO is 38 with a 10 year old son.SO and the mum were never married. SO has the son 2 times on a week night and every other weekend. SO pays for everything for his son including any extracurricular acitivities ect and in addition gives the mum a few hundred pounds a month for bed and board for their son. During school holidays BM refuses to have SS on her days as he gets signed up to some sort of holiday camp (only in he day until about 3PM) and expects SO to have him whilst still getting her couple of hundred pound a month. I would never want ss to be deprived but can someone please tell me is this the norm? Thank-you for your input.

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

No, it is not the norm. My SO pays her what she is due monthly (which is also £100 over what the government says he should pay) He no longer pays for after school activities etc and when we move in together BM will be getting not a penny more than she is due (as the government have calculated) At the end of the day she gets her rent etc paid by the government, and then gets money on top as well as what my SO gives her. The children will not go without as she gets enough money to live quite nicely on, even without my SO giving her money for the kids.

When the children are with us, we will pay for them to go to nice places, and feed them etc so they get extras from us as well.

I would be asking some serious questions about how much you can actually afford to pay as in the end you end up going without and having to make cut backs because BM is greedy and always wants more!!!

Sootica's picture

Thank-you so much for your response.I suspected as much but as have no bios of my own wasn't really sure how it all works and didn't want to be seen as a miser. BM is excessively greedy I have calculated that for the whole of March she has had SS for a grand total of 11 days-1 weekend and the rest were school days. With the amount she gets each month from SO I find it hard to believe that a 10 year old could consume £25 worth of groceries a day. Also her excuse for not having SS during the holidays is because she has a "early" start-she starts work at 09h30 and meanwhile I leave home at 06h30 am as have an hour commute to work.........just makes me want to :sick:

beckydamo's picture

No it's not normal. If you're in the UK (which I think you are) you can go onto the CSA website and work out what your SO should be paying each month. To be honest though I think a lot of Dads in the UK end up paying more because their BM's suddenly become more reasonable about contact when you start chucking money at them. Sad but true. That's what happens with us anyway!